How to deal with rejection from a person with severe bipolar?

Question

I met someone... we got along so great (he was gushing about me).. now he's switched off. He's rejected me and broke my heart and is not responsive. I need to move on and heal. all of my friends and family say it is not me but his sickness. How do I heal without blaming myself? I know this is because of his severe disorder but I am so hurt. Please don't respond if you are going to say mean things... i feel so fragile as-is. I know he is very ill now... I got attached and now I'm hurting. How do I cope? thanks.

Answer 1

You have to remember, he's going through a hard time too, having swaped emotions every five seconds. You have to see what he's going through. It's not you. It could have been any girl. I myself have "Ring of Fire" A.D.D., a form of A.D.D. familar to bipolar disorder. I know from experience and pyschological referance that it's not the person who thinks to reject, but thoughts swaped and confused while going through the limbic system (the emotion part of the brain). Thoughts stay there longer than with most people, and by the time they get to the frontal lobe (handles thinking), they're so distorted, you wouldn't believe where they came from. It's not you. This boy is dealing with a severe handicap. You must understand this is not a retardation, but a setback, preventing him from thinking as he should. He's completly normal, just with something extra to set him back. Also, it's a disorder, not an illness.

Answer 2

I grew up with a bipolar Mom and brother so I understand how confusing their actions can be. It took me a long time and a lot of reading about the disease to realize it's not them....it's the illness that is changing them. Severe bipolar disorder is hard to live with. The mood swings and personality changes are confusing, hurtful and hard to get past. I hope he is getting help with a therapist and medications. My Mom and brother both had a very hard time until they found the right mix of medications that worked for them and now they seem to be mostly stable. Don't blame yourself, it has nothing to do with you, it's the illness. Read up on it and find out as much as you can about it and that will help you to put things into perspective. Something better and healthier is coming your way so keep your chin up and a positive self esteem and I know that things will get better. It always hurts when a person lets us down and changes completely out of nowhere. Hang in there and take some time to just do things for yourself to feel better. Do not blame yourself!

Answer 3

Jesusfreak is right, it's not a sickness, but a disorder: big difference. I'm bipolar as well.

I've hurt so many people since I was so young. i've lost a lot of friends. One particular friend I lost was one of the best friends I've ever had. I did something horrible, and she should have hated me forever. She started to get over it, and wanted to try being friends again. However, I knew that because of my actions, nothing would be the same again between us. We talk every once in a while, but not like before (every few months, compared to everday!).

The truth is, I don't want to be her good friend anymore. I hurt her very badly, and I do not want to do that again.

Instead of just rejecting you, maybe he's trying to protect you.

There is no need in blaming yourself! What's done is done, and it doesn't even matter who (or what) is to blame.

I've used Emily's idea many times before. Write him a letter and say everything you need to say. Let out every bit of anger and frustration, say good-bye, and then burn it or rip it up. I used this method when my bipolar father died. Because of my anger, frustration, and saddness, it was the one and only way I could let him go.

Let him go.

Answer 4

First of all I am so sorry you are in so much pain right now. Nobody deserves to feel rejected like that. But your friends and family are right, a person with bi-polar swings back and forth like a leaf in the wind. I highly doubt he meant to hurt you on purpose. I know that doesn't make the fact that he did any easier to deal with. What's helped me in the past, is writing a letter. Write all the things you wish you could've said to him, tell him exactly how you feel, and how his behavior has affected you. Then just rip it up, flush it down the toilet, or if you need to keep it and put it away for a while until you are ready to let go. I wish you the best, and you can always email me if you want to talk.

Answer 5

1st, do you absolutely KNOW this person is bi-polar, or are you making assumptions based on what you have seen, or think you have seen, of them?
'Could be other life stresses, including people in their lives, be causing or contributing to their erratic behavior.

2nd, if you care for someone -regardless of their condition or life situation- being supportive, and consistent, is the best thing you could possibly do.
'At the end of the day, friendship is the most important relationship in the world: it can lay, what could, and should be essential foundations for more involved and evolved relationships; and, anyone who hasn't provided, or doesn't provide that, doesn't deserve more.

3rd, be honest enough to ask yourself, and then, ask them, what might you have done to have motivated the ..."turn-around."
Gushing to disinterest isn't reserved for people with personality disorders. -And frankly, usually requires some sort of ...impetus, actual or perceived.
SO, ...ask.
It may be a matter that some honest discussion could clear up, in a heartbeat, but you both have to be willing -to be honest.

Good luck.
Whatever happens, the result will be greater clarity about the whole situation. Then, you will both be better able to decide what direction to proceed in, individually, or collectively.

Answer 6

What you can do is learn as much about the illness that you can you can have a free bp information from your local NAMI office or call toll free to NAMI National and join a support group to help you get thru this. The number to NAMI National is 1-800-950-6264

Answer 7

If you want to know my honest opinion-

I'm sorry that things didn't work out and you feel rejected, BUT in my opinion it is wrong to over focus on his bi-polar mental condition.

I think it can be convienient to label someone else with clear problems that either cover our own short comings or explain why things haven't worked out as intended.
With the multitude of variables we are presented with now and the outmoded, outdated principles of psychology guiding us I think it is wrong to label people with particular problems as an explanation for difficulties.

Don't be so keen to blame yourself or label him with an incurable sickness

Answer 8

I had this happen,
but it never bothered me,
I guess it was the "can't call because there was no phone in that part of the mental institution."

its really not your fault,
just cry with your friends and look for some one new,
someone that is well put together.