what do you do when your husband wants a divorce, but you don't?

Question

Have been married for 4 years, have a 1 year old daughter. Husband told me out of the blue he is not happy and doesn't want the responsibility of a family anymore. Says he wants a divorce. I don't know what to do. he contacted a lawyer before telling me. He makes a lot more money than me and said he will give child support and pay off bills. How do I go on? This happened last night and I am numb. How is the amount of child support determined (he already has an amount picked out) and would he be required to pay alimony?

Answer 1

I've found with friends, neighbors, and family when a husband wants to leave because he's unhappy his wife didn't act like a wife. You need to examine yourself why he wants to leave.
As far as child support and alimony all states are different.

Answer 2

Your husband is a MORON. He's not a man at all, yet not man enough to accept & handle his responsibilities. If he wants a divorce, then give it to him. Why keep him if he's not going to be dedicated to you & the children? That's not love at all. It's not worth the stress. Have faith in yourself to take care of your daughter. You can do it. You don't need him & you certainly don't want him around if he doesn't want to be around. And yes, you can get alimony & child support. Take it up with a Divorce Lawyer.

Answer 3

I am sorry you had to hear it that way. It sucks when your husband wants out of a commitment you thought would last the rest of your lives. My ex did the same thing on his 35 birthday several years ago after 15 years of marriage and three boys. I was so stunned I let him stay the night in our bed. The next morning he left. He filed for divorce and even paid for the divorce. I was still in a bit of shock at court but soon came to realize I didn't deserve to have this man in my life anymore that there had to be more to life than that humiliation. I went back to school, packed up my boys, moved from our home town and got on with my life. Today I am married to a man who loves me for me and encourages me to do things I wouldn't have done with my ex like climb a mountain =) go ice fishing prospect for gold or even hike into the woods. Please seek someone to talk to first of all, if his intentions to leave is just that he may have a reason you don't know about and nothing will stop him from going including you or your daughter. Separate for now and wait things out maybe he'll change his mind when your not with him but odds are he may not or he's found someone, mine sure did quickly. Good luck I'm pulling for you.

Justina

Answer 4

Well, if you don't wanna divorce him then don't sign the divorce papers. If you do get a divorce then you should go find a man that cares about you and that won't let you go or a man that cares about you and won't just say "I want a divorce" out of the blue and get a lawyer with even telling you behind your back and then probley left you alown with a young child/baby. Hope your relation ship works out ok.

Answer 5

Don't just sit idly by...Get yourself an attorney as well, your husband may really put the screws to you if you don't. You need someone fighting on your side. If you don't want the divorce then fight him. If he wants one that bad it will cost him. I'm sure there's more to the story though. He's probably met some hot new babe...Don't just sit back and take what he gives you, he's got a responsibility to both you and your child.

Answer 6

Alimony and child support depends on the state you reside. Sounds like his mind is made up, how unfortunate. However, please, please, obtain an attorney immediately. In the heat of the moment you need someone who can put your best interests first, and, as you said, you're numb right now. It's been my experience that when a spouse makes the kind of statement that yours had made, his mind is made up. If you try to change his mind he will only become more determined. Let him have his way, I suspect he will regret his decision. Be cooperative, kind, and make sure you and your child's needs are met. That should be your priority right now. Down the road, once your mind is more clear, you can work on the other aspects of putting the pieces back together. I've been where you are. It was very painful. I survived to be a better person through it all. You will too.

Answer 7

Ok first off see if you can talk to him about getting counseling before he ends things. If not there is nothing more you can do but face it and deal with the reality he wants out. He will have to pay alimony since he makes more than you and child support based on his income. Its all figure out by the courts. Do not let him just pick a random amount or you wont get what you should. The very first thing you need to do for you is get to a counselor and do it now. You are going to go through a ton of feelings and moods and you are going to be the one left to deal with your child. You have to be strong and show nothing to your child and one of the only places its ok to loose it at is in a counselors office. Its the one time you can let go and loose your mind and pour out your breaking heart and it be safe. I am so very sorry for you but, it sounds like hes a jerk and your better off with out him even though you dont think so right now.

Answer 8

First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. He needs to be a man, step up and face his responsibilities. There must be more to it than just being unhappy. Seek out some moral support from a friend or family member you trust who will help you through this and not make a scene if you two are able to work it out. Most imporantly, seek counselling - individually and as a couple.
Alimony and child-support are generally determined by the courts based on the earnings of the spouses. If there has been an affair or abuse, these are supposed to be taken into consideration as well. If it comes down to a separation and divorce, seek legal counsel for your own representation - do not take his word for it.
I hope that this can all be worked out. I cannot imagine how much you are hurting and hope that knowing that there are people willing to hear you out and offer support helps some. Best of luck...

Answer 9

I'm so sorry. Some men find out too late that they really don't like family life and responsibility. It's actually easier for them to pay off the wife and children than to pay the day to day living expenses, financially and psychologically.
Get a good lawyer. He will tell you exactly what to expect (find one who specializes in divorce) as far as the financial settlement goes. In the meantime, try to get over your shock enough to appreciate that maybe this will be an amicable divorce.

Answer 10

So sorry about what is happening to you, but you need to be strong for your daughter. Many times the obvious is right in our face and we still miss it. Is it possible you knew this was coming, but ignored it as most do? Get you an attorney to find out about child-support and alimony. You go on by placing one foot in front of the other at a time. God does not place more on us then we can bare. I am sure that I'm not saying what you want or need to hear, but learning experiences is what prepares us for the future. Lean on friends and family for support, but do not try and do this on your own. Best Wishes!!