How can I make my husband understand that he cant control the way I think or the way I feel. That I am my own person if he likes it or not.......that I will never think the same way as him.......please help.
2007-06-28 07:36:21 · 18 answers · asked by Spice 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't try to convince him of anything.
Just show him.
(smiles)
Nobody can control the way you think, but he obviously is successful at getting the type of reaction he likes, or he wouldn't continue. This is a simple psychological game. When he says things to you, don't instantly react! Wait a moment, gather a thought that isn't reactive but smart, and then calmly say whatever it is you feel like saying.
Nobody can make you reactive unless you let them. You let him, so he continues.
When he says something that he wants you to think just like he does, calmly say back, Naw, I don't agree. Then smile.
Then stare at him. The ball is in his court, and what is he going to do to try to force you to agree with him? Nothing much he can do...unless he has a valid logical argument, and then it's just a matter of who debates better.
2007-06-28 07:44:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot MAKE him understand anything - you do what you need to do and he reacts the way he sees fit.
I don't know how long you have been married. There is a saying that is very true that may apply in your case:
"Men marry women thinking they won't change and they do; women marry men thinking they will change and they don't"
Your husband has probably always been like this, you just didn't recognize it until now. and you have probably changed - grown up, and become your own person.
2007-06-28 14:43:39 · answer #2 · answered by molly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you learn to think the way he thinks? It can be a great advantage to you to learn to think the way other people do. It is part of critical thinking... being able to view situations from different perspectives. Sometimes we cannot see the full picture until we view it from all sides and angles. Perhaps he would be a little more understanding of your different view if you could at least show him you were willing to view things the way he does. Sounds like all he is wanting is for you to understand him.
2007-06-28 14:43:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF he doesn't get it He won't get it.
Now... perhaps try doing to him what he does to you to see if he gets it?
Now... what kind of "control" are we talking about here? Be careful that it doesn't lead to some form of mental or psychological abuse. If he can't control you this way would he try physical control?
Take a look at his parents marriage. What went on there? Might give you some ideas of why he believes he should be acting as he is.
Will he consider marriage counselling with you? Might be necessary.
You continuing to talk... probably won't work on it's own... until you get fed up enough and decide to leave.
2007-06-28 14:42:00 · answer #4 · answered by teritaur 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant make him understand that he cant control your every move, just like he cant make you understand that he should control your every move. This is a serious issue that will only escalate with time, the best thing is to seek counseling, this requires some professional help. Good Luck!
2007-06-28 14:50:12 · answer #5 · answered by ana c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...I have to point this out.
You asked how you can control how your husband thinks...about the fact that he can't control how you think.
I think there's probably a little confusion going on this the relationship. You might need to bring some help to sort things out.
2007-06-28 14:45:46 · answer #6 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple, tell him that you`re not a clone of him, that you`re an individual with your own opinions and thoughts !. Honestly, if he`s too stupid or too much of a control freak to understand a simple thing like that then perhaps you should reevalute your relationship with him.
2007-06-28 14:44:22 · answer #7 · answered by Hondaman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him. My husband tries that on occasion and ends up getting a great cussing out. I don't like 2 b told that I'm stupid and that's what he's telling u. U just keep being strong and stand up 4 urself and he'll come around.
2007-06-28 14:42:12 · answer #8 · answered by Misty D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may as well beat your head against a brick wall...your husband has control issues. He needs help but I doubt he'll go and get it.
Tell him to either respect your individuality or sign on the dotted line.
2007-06-28 14:47:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your never going to change him. you have to decide if you love him enough to deal with the issues. There is a chance that it will mellow after about 5-10 years, but can you hang in there that long?
2007-06-28 14:49:54 · answer #10 · answered by mntnck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋