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Question

I have been married for 5yrs and sometimes there are just things that I don't want to talk to my husband about. Mostly when we have an arguement I don't want to talk to him about it. I talk to my sister but she absolutely hates him and always tells me to leave him. I am not looking for a relationship just someone with a good ear and good honest opinions.

My sister doesn't like him because when I was pregnant with my daughter I wouldn't let her into the delivery room and she thinks it was him that wouldn't let her in.

I also have told her that it was my choice not his, but she still won't listen. She thinks there is someone better for me out there.

Answer 1

Hi, I'm not sure where all the readers are getting the idea that you never talk to your husband. I think it sounds like a case of not wanting to have the same argument and having stuff you just need to bounce off someone to get your mind straight.

I'd have to agree with the majority that say perhaps it would be best to leave Sis out of it, especially if she is predisposed to dislike hubby. Not good for any of you.

I don't know where you live and whether there is any option to talk to a non-judgemental clergyman. And before everyone jumps on me for that one, there are some Reverends out there that will listen without judging. Personally I'd try Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopal churches.

As opposed to that, if it's an issue that needs to be straightened out between you and your husband. Try leaving him a letter about the subject when he's going to have time away from you. Just make absolutely sure, firm rule, to read it over before you leave it for him. Avoid sentences starting with "You did" or "You made me feel" of "You never", it may not seem like it but that IS you putting him in the wrong. (BIG Mistake, especially with most men- sorry guys!)
You have to start sentences with, "I may have misunderstood "or "I may have taken what was said wrong" or "I might have heard wrong" and go on to specify what YOU GOT out of what he said. So often people don't word things the same way as their spouse would and things really are misunderstood.

It will give you a chance to get it off your chest without having another argument.

I also don't know how old either of you are but you have to be prepared to realize that no matter how close you are and how much you love each other, you are not going to agree on everything. If you can agree to disagree it will go a long way toward making you both happy.

The only thing you CAN NOT disagree about is how to raise your child. And if there is a particular issue there, you have to be able to compromise and show a united front to the child.

Someone suggested talking to your Mom, if that is a possibility. Might be a good idea, (mine always saw my faults too well and figured I had to be in the wrong-love her but not much fun) If you have an Aunt that you are able to talk to, she might be a better choice.

Good luck to you and remember not to stress over the little things in life. The only other thing I'd like to share is something my Dad told me when my first boyfriend and I were arguing . "Fighting usually doesn't solve anything, and it takes two people to fight. One person can't have an argument by themselves so sometimes it's best to tell that someone you care too much about them to continue the disagreement and go in the other direction until things cool off"

Advice I didn't heed too well with my first husband (7 years married) but I've kept it in the front of my mind with my present husband (24 years coming up this anniversary)

Anyway, I sincerely wish you and your family the best.

Answer 2

I've always been best friends with the person I've been in a relationship, so I can't imagine not talking to my husband.

I can understand a cooling off period after an argument, and that you don't want to run an issue into the ground, but it seems to me that you're talking to the wrong person. The only two people that can repair the damage are the two that created it, and that's you and your husband.

Something to consider is that talking to your sister who already hates him will probably add to her dislike of him. Is there anyone more objective that you could talk to for some advise?

I'm sure there is much more to your story. If for some reason you are unsafe physically or emotionally, maybe your sister has cause to worry.

I am glad that you have someone to confide in.

Answer 3

Why would you not want to talk to your husband about issues involving your relationship with him? That sounds like a major problem. Also, why would you even mention any of it to your sister, who is obviously biased? That's an even bigger problem.

You need to first figure out why you cannot talk to your husband, and do this without involving any third parties who know your husband. If you cannot do this, then you are being an unfair partner. It is not right to shut yourself off if there is an argument between you two... unless you are simply needing to cool off for a short while in order to attack the problem with a clear head.

Show your husband the respect he deserves. Talk to him when he wants to talk. Let your issues be resolved without involving other people. And do not involve your sister in your marriage.

Answer 4

You don't want to talk to your husband, but you talk to your sister who hates him and wants you to leave him. Sounds like there is more here than you are telling. Why does your sister hate him so much? Why do you not want to talk to your husband about the argument that you had with him? I think you may need a counselor rather than a good ear.

Answer 5

It's hard to hear but the keys to a sucessful marriage is good communication. If it's a problem you two are having and you don't tell him about it how will he know how you feel and what he can do to help make it better.If your mother is around talk to her most mothers have a sympathetic ear to most all problems. Or a good friend sometimes they will sit there and let you vent so you can get things off your cheast

Answer 6

I understand there are certain things you can't say to your husband with out him blowing it out of purpotion and not understanding, and sometimes you just need to speak to some one that is not critical, but understands or at least makes you feel like they do.
I think talking to your sister is a bad idea unless you start talking about the good also, or she will always hate him. If you ever need a sounding board, you are welcome to e-mail me.

Answer 7

1st of all you need to stop talking to you sister. If she can't be there to support you in your time of needs, and find someone else. But I do recommend that you try talking to your husband. Communication is always a good thing in a marriage.

Answer 8

Stop talking to your sister. No wonder she hates him. She is only hearing your side of the argument and she obviously will take your side because you are her sister.

Talk to your husband. He is your "other half" and you will build up a wall between the two of you if you don't communicate.

Answer 9

I have this problem with my best friend, but I am the sister here. I give my opinion, i think he is wrong for her. but if she loves him and tells me that i try to see both sides. you do need to stop telling your sister stuff. it's hard with family, they just want to protect you and if all they hear is bad stuf!! what would you do?? I am here if you ever need me just email, i check my email atleast once every day! good luck honey

Answer 10

Get a cousellor. Objective, will listen and then ask you the tough questions. Save MY life!