My boyfriend of 3 years can not shake off his ex-wife. No matter what I say he still talks to her. While there has been times when he has improved but it goes back to the same thing. She feels he is availbe when she wants him too. They have 2 kids 22 and 18 there is no reason for them to be talking on a daily basis. He says he love me and is the happiest he has ever been but I am confused. He also tells me that now that they are divorced they can actually talk becasue they could not do it before. I have asked him to go to a therapist but he says no. Can someone please give me some advise.
2007-06-28 07:29:49 · 5 answers · asked by ANNY G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried talking to him but he gets mad when we touch this subject or when we can talk says we are just friends she means nothing to me. If she does not mean anything to him then he should stop.
2007-06-28 07:42:17 · update #1
He is the happiest he has ever been because he is having his cake and eating it too.
He and his ex obviously still have feelings for each other, at least on an emotional level. They are getting some emotional needs met by talking with each other.
With you he probably has a good emotional as well as a physical connection, so needs of his are being met there as well.
Unfortunately, his connection to his wife is hurting his relationship with you. He probably feels that because he is not having sex with his wife, that he is not having an inappropriate relationship with her. That's how men think. But the fact of the matter is that he is probably sharing things with her that he is not sharing with you. Or he is reliving his past by staying in contact with her. It is in fact undermining his relationship with you. You probably won't get him to understand that, but let him know exactly how it is making you feel and why you feel that way.
If he doesn't change his ways, you have a decision to make. Can you live with it or not.
Edited to add: So he gets defensive and says they're "just friends". Get the book called "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass
2007-06-28 07:33:50 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there r residual feelings. Since they aren't 2gether anymore they have found that they can actually have a real parent/friend relationship. I agree that the kids r adults and those 2 really have no business talking 2 each other every day. i would tell him how I feel and if it continued, I would leave. I don't c this situation getting any better.
2007-06-28 07:36:48 · answer #2 · answered by Misty D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be purely innocent with them. True they don't have small children to discuss, but he also isn't keeping it a secret from you also. I would be concerned if he was doing that. Some people can get along better once divorced, but doesn't mean he is still in love or want her. Always follow your gut instinct because your the one who knows him better than we do. If it bothers you that much than I would be weary of keeping this relationship going because it looks like he isn't going to stop talking to her.
2007-06-28 07:48:24 · answer #3 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your shoes, I'd drop him like a hot rock.
He wants the best of both worlds - and women.... It doesn't work that way.
Give him the option of giving up the daily chats with the ex or giving you up....then stick by your guns.
Life is too short to put up with this guy....
2007-06-28 08:17:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only advice I can give: Do what your heart tells you to. Only you can decide what it will take to help your relationship. Sounds to me like your boyfriend is truly just friends with the ex, even though it sounds like an odd friendship.
2007-06-28 07:35:01 · answer #5 · answered by hootie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋