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On hot sunny day, when Socrates was heading for home after cashing his paycheck from Tri-X Check Cashing where a young man named Ronald Logan, in his early twenties stopped Socrates. He commanded Socrates to give him the money and walk away and he will let him live. As Socrates refused, Ronald slapped Socrates and he went down.
2007-06-28 07:25:17 · 5 answers · asked by vinsanity623 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Socrates was on his way home after cashing his paycheck. The weather was uncommonly hot, the sun beating down on his head cause him to sweat. Socrates noticed amidst the glare of the sun, a man in his early twenties approaching. The young man, Ronald Logan, demanded that Socrates turn over all his money or face dire consequences. Socrates, not to be bullied, refused. With a loud "smack" Ronald's fist hit Socrates' face and he collapsed to the pavement.
Edit: by the way, this didn't start out as one sentence, and was way too long to be considered one
2007-06-28 07:35:40 · answer #1 · answered by Enchanted 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One beautiful sunny day Socrates was heading home from the bank when his journey was interrupted by a man with the name Ronald Logan. However innocent at first glance, he demanded money from Socrates and once he refused, Ronald slaped him hard causing the surprised Socrates to fall, crashing into the hard, cold ground beneeth him.
2007-06-28 07:39:38 · answer #2 · answered by chopstickies 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wording is a bit flimsy, but you should say where Ronald Logan was, and add some dialogue, (if you can), but make the scene seem more real by giving a sort of 'Snapshot' of the bank/the area inside of the bank. (You don't know where Ronald Logan is in this paragraph.)
2007-06-28 07:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grammar is horrible. You need to sharpen your understanding of dependent clauses. The first two sentences are not independent, and must be joined if words are not changed. The second sentence should specify who "He" is, before staying that he commanded Socrates to do something. "Will" is the incorrect verb in that sentence. In the third sentence, you must again specify who "he" is.
2007-06-28 07:33:51 · answer #4 · answered by cyanne2ak 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is in law and ethics?
2007-06-28 07:33:00 · answer #5 · answered by 3lions-hearted 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋