My brother is gay, and I love him more than ever. I accept him for who is, not how he chooses to live his life.....I have not seen him in a few years, and he is now here to visit. I planned for he and his mate to join myself and my boyfriend for dinner, however my boyfriend is being so mean about it. Any suggestions, on how to get him to just respect the situation instead of being so closed minded? I love him very much, and dumping him is not the solution....I just need some serious advice. Thank you.
2007-06-28 06:39:48 · 27 answers · asked by Miss. American Nightmare 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
lonelyfinger you are very sweet, thank you
2007-06-28 06:52:55 · update #1
Cole, thank you sweetheart. I needed to hear that. Your awesome!
2007-06-28 07:25:48 · update #2
you cannot ask someone to like someone! but you just have to try and try and try talking to your boyfriend! if that does not help, you just have to tell your brother the truth, so i guess he will take it better since he is family. you should try to explain the situation to your brother, but i know you say you can not dump your man, but girlfriend, if he is not ready to accept your brother then tough luck for the guy, you just gotta drop him like he is hot!!!
look, my sister is one of my closest friends, and believe you me, she would dump any guy, just to be with her cute little gay brother, she taught me that family comes first!!!
just talk to your brother. gay people are very understanding, he will even give you some advice!
good luck!
2007-06-28 06:49:25 · answer #1 · answered by lonelyfinger 2 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you're in a very awkward position. You can't turn love on and off like a light switch. The best solution is probably to press the issue, and demand that your boyfriend join you, your brother, and his mate for dinner. Hopefully he'll come around, or at least accept that your brother is not some perverted freak as he's been taught to believe. In all likelihood, your boyfriend either doesn't know anyone that's gay as a real person, had a bad experience with someone that's gay and has condemned the rest of us for it, or (dare I say it?) has issues of his own that he needs to sort through.
2007-06-28 14:09:50 · answer #2 · answered by kena2mi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your boyfriend that he is being selfish, and it appears that his hatred of gay people is greater than his love for you.
If your boyfriend cannot help but me mean towards a member of your family when he knows that it upsets you, his behavior is like that of a selfish and spoiled child. You can say that dumping him is not the solution, but unless his attitude changes something else will come up where his attitude takes precedence over you.
The most you can do to make him see that he is closed minded is for you remain open minded and not let this change how you feel about your brother. Tell your boyfriend that if he cannot stop being mean then maybe he shouldn't be there for the dinner.
2007-06-28 17:07:30 · answer #3 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ya know lonelyfinger's has said just what I would have said except one question, why is it that you have not seen your brother in years. Is this visit going to be the start of mending fences, or a one time deal. If you are mending fences, I think it's time you talked to you boyfriend and layed it out on the line with him. Family always comes first, tell him if he is not conformable meeting your brother than maybe he just needs to move on. Boyfriends come and go but your family will always be there.
2007-06-28 14:06:10 · answer #4 · answered by sendittojeff 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might want to look at the bigger picture here. If your boyfriend is being mean and uncooperative about meeting your brother just because he's gay what does that say about how he will treat others in your family. Or what if you two have kids one day and one of them turns out to be gay? Is your boyfriend going to treat them with the same kind of distaste? Is that a chance you want to take? I would say tell your man, he needs to get over his homophobia or hit the road.
2007-06-28 14:07:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if you were to ask him what he would do if he had a son who was gay. Would he disown him? Throw him out of the house? Never speak to him again? Hopefully, he would deal with it and love his son no matter what.
He should be the same way with your brother. He needs to get to know your brother as a PERSON. The fact that your brother is gay is like the fact that he has brown eyes or blue eyes of whatever. It is a part of who he is but it is not all of who he is.
I hope your boyfriend can understand this. If he doesn't like your brother as a PERSON after he gets to know him then that is his choice but he shouldn't decide not to like your brother before even meeting him just becuase he happens to be gay.
Good luck!
2007-06-28 13:51:41 · answer #6 · answered by Auntie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well i think that this is a difficult question because my first thought is that although your boyfriend may not respect your brothers lifestyle there is a difference between being mean and being uncomfortable. mean shows what kind of person you may be dating. if your BF knows you love your brother then his meanness should tell you something i would think. yes tell your brother that your BF is uncomfortable. i would guess he is used to that. but since you have not seen your bro in a few years...let your boyfriend have his fun this week and you should have fun with your bro. y are people such *****?
2007-06-28 14:10:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that this indicates something on the part of the maturity level of your boyfriend. I think that a way to approach it would be to inform your boyfriend that civility and etiquette require he act with decency toward your brother, regardless of whether he agrees with your brother's personal life. If he cannot accept an arrangment like this, perhaps it would be better for you to have dinner with your brother and his partner just as the three of you.
2007-06-28 13:45:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are cruising for some big time problems down the road. Your bf is homophobic, mindless hate of gays...If you are that close to your brother, you better make up your mind as to who will be in your life down the road. Seems a shame to lose a brother over an idiot to me...idiots come and go, brothers are for a lifetime. Good luck
2007-06-28 13:44:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think this says a lot about your bf's immaturity and potential problems that could come up down the road. Even if he is homophobic, he should be willing to meet your brother and his partner because it is important to YOU. That's what being in a relationship is all about.
I'm sorry to say it, but he seems like a jerk. Homophobia aside, his inability to compromise on issues is going to hurt your relationship down the road. I'd take this as a sign...
2007-06-28 14:40:00 · answer #10 · answered by gopher646 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe have some discussions about homosexuality with your boyfriend, give him literature to read about the topic. Maybe have your brother meet him up once before you plan the dinner, and then decide whether it will be suitable to invite your brother and his mate for dinner just yet, or would you rather wait till your boyfriend is more open minded about the whole issue. Maybe in the meanwhile, if it is possible at all, try to increase interaction between your brother and your boyfriend, and be prepared to intervene if there are chances of it turning out negative.
2007-06-28 13:48:38 · answer #11 · answered by Gaymes Last Orchestra 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋