Hello I am a married man, and have been married for 5 years now. I have two toddler boys, and I love them dearly. However my releationship with my wife is ok but it could be better. I have recently started talking with woman that i have known for a while. The woman that I'm falling for is someone that i have been wanting to hook up with for 3 over years, and it finally happened. She is not pressuring me at all but I can feel myself falling in love with this woman. I need some advice on what to do with this situation. I have an idea but I just want to get some others thoughts.
2007-06-28 06:28:13 · 25 answers · asked by DVUS 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So many people get married and find love after wards. It is an age old problem. In the past and even in modern times, people have been killed for committing adultery either by law or by and angered spouse who catches you in the act.
Chances are that will not happen to you, but you will feel like dying going down the path you are following. You will be racked with guilt, fear and paranoia. What is more, is you are a father. You DO need to put your children first. You married your wife because you love/loved her. You can make it work again even if you do love someone else.
If you don't... do you want to be a part of your children's lives? They will be alienated from you. Chances are, she will get primary custody. You will likely see they less than you can imagine. If she finds out why you left, do you not think the children will eventually find out and resent you too? Not to mention the life long scars that losing your parental unit causes.
Whether you need to find your answer in yourself, in your faith or in a close friend- seek the answer and I hope you choose wisely and choose the path that may hurt one for a while as opposed to the one that will hurt many for a lifetime.
2007-06-28 06:50:55 · answer #1 · answered by red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the relationship with your wife could be better than work on it. You do not have the right to destroy the lives of your wife and children because of your betreyal. You have gone searching for something that you did not have the right to. You need to be a good husband and dad, and honor the vows you took. You have only been married for 5 years, and you stepped out of your marriage. How dare you do that to the woman you swore your life to, and the children you helped bring into this world.
If you are smart, you will cut all ties woth this other woman and put all of your energy into your family. If you miss the other woman, or just want to stay friends, that pain is on you, and you should endure all of it, and hold strong to the vows you made. Cut Ties today.
2007-06-28 13:36:51 · answer #2 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience, I have been through this before. When you are married, all of the responsibilities of marriage that you really didn't think about when you were single, come into play. Responsibilities like; sharing finances, bills, one another feeling, communication, keeping the romance alive, taking up the slack for the other person, being a good father or being a good wife. It is easy being care free with a person you really don't have any responsibility to. But being accountable to the person you promised to love, honor and cherish; and the big part,"what God put together let no man put asunder", (or woman). Those vows I had to remember meant something. My suggestion; look at a picture of your wife, think about what attracted her to you enough for you to ask her to marry you. Then ask yourself what could I do to get HER back in my life. If you start fixing yourself in the marriage, everything else will work out on it's own. As for the other lady; your not really falling in love with her, your are in love with not having to truly be responsible and have to answer to her for anything. You are in love with the freedom you have in the relationship with her, you are not responsible for any kids with her, you aren't sharing any bills with her, you don't even have to see her 7 days a week and be with her 16 hours of the day with her either. It is all a mental set up, don't go for it. Plus what image as a man do you want to set for your two sons. Put them first before yourself.
2007-06-28 13:58:16 · answer #3 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me give you some sound advice.Unless you want to ruin your life DONT DO IT! I did the same thing and i regret it every day.my wife of 9 years and i were having issues and a women at work that i liked and that liked me came along promising and giving me everything i was longing for and needing.and not just sex.So i ended up leaving and divorcing my wife soon after i lost my job because my boss is friends with my wife,then out of the blue the girlfriend who promised me the world just kicks me out without giving any reason whatsoever.so since the begining of 2007 ive lost my job my home my wife,and went homeless living out of my truck pennyless.I have family now putting me up in a extended stay hotel for a few weeks so hopefully i can find a job.And now i have all this guilt and shame to live with,and i tell you what i miss my ex-wife so very very much,id give anything to hold her in my arms again and to be able to tell her how much i miss her and love her and how sorry iam.My heart is tormented day and night thinking about her wishing i had her back.
Is that what you want?Is that the kind of life you want to live? if not you better run like hell away from the other women as fast as you can and back to your wife and stay there and if it means finding another job to get away from her do it because its not worth losing your wife over im telling you.The grass isnt greener on the other side, there are still cow paddies to step in over there to my friend trust me.Dont make the same mistake i did its not worth the hell you will go through.
2007-06-28 13:48:19 · answer #4 · answered by catfishhunter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop talking to the other woman. marriage isn't going to perfect all the time, that's why people say that it takes work. did you just get bored after 5 years? try counseling or changing some things up with your wife. especially if you aren't even in a bad marriage. and you have kids to worry about. you were part of saying "i do" and agreeing to be married, so put forth some effort to make it right for your wife that you promised to love and take care of no matter what.
2007-07-02 13:00:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course your relationship with your wife could be better. You are spending valuable time planning how you're going to cheat on her. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU??? You have wanted to hook up with another woman for three of the five years you've been married. If I were your wife, I would kick your unfaithful A>S>S out the door! You are a married man. MAN. Act like it!!!!! You are about to throw away your family and show your little boys what kind of fool their dad is. Tell this other woman (who is willing to commit adultery with a married guy) that you have come to your senses and you are going home where you belong and be the husband and father you should have been for the past three years. Wish her well and NEVER contact her again.
2007-06-28 13:35:32 · answer #6 · answered by missingora 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
My answer to you is stop while you can before you dive deeper into an abyss of infidelity. What ever it is that you are getting from this lady, try to find different ways to incorporate this into your relationship. Sometimes when people cheat, it is not because they are lacking something at home but it is because of how they feel about themselves, maybe you need to build yourself up and love yourself for the person you are and find those qualities in each other that you saw when you started out with each other. It is so easy to cheat but sometimes it is so hard to get out. I am telling you this from haveing experience similar things and from others around me who did as well. Right now everything seems ideal from this other woman but eventually she will be asking for more when emotions start to get entangled in it, and you have 2 beautiful boys that you need to think of. Don't be selfish be selfless.
Peace.
2007-06-28 13:52:01 · answer #7 · answered by tasia33 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your relationship with your wife would be better if you stopped talking to and falling in love with another woman? Why not pour all the time and energy you're spending on this other woman into your marriage. I guarantee you it will come alive again! Stop the inappropriate relationship with this woman now and get into marriage counseling. Give your marriage 100% of your time and effort!!
2007-06-28 13:34:27 · answer #8 · answered by juda75 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First things first is be honest with your wife and tell her you want out of the relationship. You should have had that talk with her BEFORE you started hooking up with another woman. You're very wrong for going outside your marriage but seeing as how you've already done it, you need to get yourself ready to go through a messy divorce. Your wife will likely take you to the cleaners and I can't bring myself to say that you don't deserve it...
2007-06-28 13:33:03 · answer #9 · answered by Kitten 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Leave your wife. Go have a life and stop wasting time in a marriage that isn't right. Life is too short, babe. But show these women some respect. Cheating is just wrong. Let your wife go so she can find someone who will love her back while you pursue your new life.
2007-06-30 04:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by Mandy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋