Why are men inherently lazy?

Question

While I was working part time and my husband was full time I did everything in the house-now we are both full time,guess what?I still do everything in the house! Do other women find the same thing?What can I do to train him or is it too late after 20 years?

And to add to this I do the garden and clean the car!He just plays on his computer and waits for his dinner!

Just to set matters straight-I would be happy if he did the so called "male chores" but he doesnt even do that! He used to be helpful when we first got married but after I got sick a year ago and had to take time to rest off work he has actually done LESS.I dont nag him but everytime I ask for a little help it ends up in a row and he goes back to his mums house.What am I doing wrong?

Answer 1

You are not alone. Women do 80% of all household chores...even when working full time.

What their dolt husbands don't know is that if they did 50% of the chores, she'd be more likely to have the desire and energy for sex with him.

You have actually trained your husband to be this way, by accepting it all along. We teach people how to treat us by how we let them treat us.

Stop doing all of the work. Of course, keep up on the things that you need to do for your children (if you have any) but no longer do his laundry, do not clean up after him, etc. When he runs out of clothes you can tell him where the washer is.

Going on strike and demanding that he help will eventually get through to him when he gets hungry and doesn't have anything to wear. Refuse to give in.

He will rebel at first, because he's used to having it all his way....but do not give in! MAKE HIM HELP!

Meanwhile, enjoy all of your new free time by using your time to do something that you enjoy.

My first (now ex) husband did mow the lawn, but he never helped with housework. I always kept a very clean home, and still do. We had four kids and I was very busy with them, and he'd even want me to help with his yardwork.
Now, he is married to a woman who never cleans the house and he hates it. He compares her to me, saying things like,"Cathy always kept a clean house, why can't you?" which is not doing anything for her esteem and her opinion of me. It's also erroding their marriage.
My new husband does tons of housework; dishes, laundry, almost everything! AND he takes care of the yard without my help. It's wonderful that he is so supportive. I specifically looked for a man like him when I was ready to get serious about relationships again. I even wrote myself a list of qualities that I wanted in a man and made sure that he fit my list.
I'd never go back to the old way of doing 100% of everything.

Stay strong and you'll get your point across. Be sure to reward him when he starts helping you. Everyone needs a carrot dangled to get motivated.

Answer 2

are men inherently lazy? i don't think so, very often the problem is that most men find that women are inherent 'mothers', by that i mean that they try to do everything for the men, when this happens then most people, not only men allow them to do it, don't listen to the sexist remarks about training him or that you have left it to late, in my opinion this is rubbish. you have both gotten into routines, habits, you need to break the routine or habit, the first step is to ask him to do more to help, and explain why, if he doesn't want to help then the next step is to leave some of the things that you normally do until he notices, then ask him to do them as you have enough to do, again if this doesn't work then you should leave more and more things until they really mount up, especially things like washing and ironing, cleaning and cooking, let him see just how much you do and how little he does, he will soon realise that he is doing very little to help and if he doesn't start to make an effort then clearly he is demonstrating just what your value is to him, this is the time to consider more drastic action. take care, be safe and good luck.

Answer 3

You are correct about society projecting unrealistic expectations, Prince Charming and all that. But I must take exception to the naturally lazy reference about the ladies. Bear in mind, I am middle-age, so this is the lens that I see through. There is nothing wrong with feeling entitled to a mutually respectful union. I have indeed worked hard at maintaining such a lifestyle; sometimes it just doesn't work. Though currently in a healthy relationship, I have had a history of " bad actors ". So, a lazy mate with unrealistic expectations can be both male or female.

Answer 4

Well, not all men are lazy. Not all women are not.

Your man is currently lazy.

Ask him for help.. Nicely. Thank him for his help (make him feel appreciated). Tell him how sexy he is while he is doing the dishes. And reward him with kisses, hugs, a pat on the behind, etc.... I have a saying that I always used with my employees that fits well here "Don't make him work, make him want to work."

Also... does he help clean up when someone is coming over? If so... invite friends and family over a little more often to get his help. There are lots of little things you can do to get him to help. Preparing dinner.... have something planned that gets cooked on the grill, guys generally like to grill.

However... after 20 years, he's going to be set in his ways. So... expect baby steps. Things did not get this way over night and they will not change back over night either.

Answer 5

Despite you blasting men, I'll give you a hint so your thick head gets less thick next time you ask an insulting question.

You picked someone of certain character and personality and you have buyer's remorse. Next time, buy from Sears.

There is such a thing as inertia, meaning changing an established practice. You should have a practice of who does what in the house regardless who brings in how much. Men have no problem doing chores (bring out the garbage, mow the lawn, bang nails /drill hoes and moving furniture. They don't like to do laundry (particulary touching female underwears) and about 50% of them don't like to cook a meal except for simple things. Some like vacuuming and some don't. And often women have the furniture, rugs, and things in such ways that are impossible to clean or vacuum so men shrug their shoulders and leave things be.

So when things have been set in certain ways, it takes a long time and negotiation to change that pattern. You train a DOG not a person so that's why he mentally resists you.

Answer 6

You can teach an old dog new tricks. Treat him just like a dog. Entice him with treats if he does something right. Take away his pleasures if he doesn't do his duties. You don't need to nag him about anything either.

Get a dog training book and use the techniques from there. You'd be surprised how well that stuff works on people.

Answer 7

Not all men are lazy. I certainly am not.
I work 40 hours a week. I run a kids football team. I do most of the cooking and look after my beautiful daughter all of the time I am at home.
The only thing I do not do is the ironing, not because I am not willing, Its just I find it impossibly difficult. (dont laugh!!! its not funny).
Dont tar all guys with the same brush, if a man was to ask that question we would get such a female backlash.

Answer 8

I think it may be too late for him..lol. My fiance and I divide up the housework, I do most of the cleaning & cooking, alothough we alternate who does the dishes. He takes out the trash, mows the yard, washes cars, etc. Oh! He also his own "man space" in the basement which includes the full finished basement & a full bathroom...I make him responsible for that area & he keeps it pretty clean. I think when you start living with someone you have to set the ground rules for how to break up the chores & it's much easier to deal with. Maybe tell ur husband that he needs to help u out more & ask him why he feels like he doesn't have to.

Also..you guys should try cleaning up after yourselves as you go...like don't wait till the dishes pile up, put them in the dishwasher after using them, alternate who unloads the clean dishes, make a cleaning schedule for the bathrooms, dusting, etc. At least once to twice a month have a cleaning morning on like a Saturday morning that way the two of you can clean together & maybe treat yourself after all that is done :o) Good Luck!

Answer 9

I bet you hate the generalizing degrogatory insulting questions in here about women, so don't do the same thing, geesh!
This is simply a matter of patterns of behavior--habit.
Ask him to do this or that everyday when you are busy. Just ask for one thing, it will probably get done unless there are bigger issues.
After he's started helping out, and become used to helping out, then he might help out without the asking.
If you ask and then he still doesn't help out, then there's issues and you need a conversation in which you ask him why he won't help.

Answer 10

They aren't all lazy. Dont put them all in that category. Your husband is used to the way you do things and maybe in the beginning he tried and you nagged him to death about how he did it because it is different from your way. You cant train your husband nor can he train you, you both get into a rut he does his thing you do yours.
I dont want my husband cleaning the house even though he tries, i just dont feel that is his place to be doing it. He helps with the laundry and does all the outside work that needs done. I dont touch his garage he doesn't touch my cleaners and we both work between 50 and 60 hours a week with a 2 year old at home!
If you want him to help, ask him to do something, when he does do something remember to thank him, let him know you appreciate his efforts and his help.,