she treats me perfect in every way. I changed. 12 -13 years ago i realized i wasnt in love with her. we dont fight, nor do we have sex. Im simply not attracted to her. I have told her my feelings and she said she wants me 2 stay. I am her sole support, she has no family left besides mine. 1 child that is grown. i could remain here, as i have, but its really not fair to either party. on the other hand she doesnt want me 2 leave and from my point of view it will create an unfair and undeserved hardship on her. tried counseling but the fact remains i'm simply not attarcted 2 her. In the interest of honesty i am now not being faithful 2 her and know i wouldnt be in the future. She pretty much knows this, ( i stay gone ALOT and tell her i have a girlfriend) but she has pretty much a dont ask dont tell attitude. She makes no effort 2 find out where i am or who im seeing, never checks my phone and only ask me during an absence that im safe or ok. Is my happiness worth causing so much sadness
2007-06-28 04:52:24 · 14 answers · asked by dpeslinger 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Valerie, not at all the case. its my choice not to have relations. thx for answer
2007-06-28 05:00:21 · update #1
chicago, read the question. this is my quandry. I'm not being fair to her and i know it. on the other hand leaving is unfair as well.
Helly, good answer thx
2007-06-28 05:07:24 · update #2
Thicke, thx did leave for a short period, she ask me to return. i did for selfish reasons.
folks be aware this is truly not easy on me either. and i am aware of how this sounds on the surface.
2007-06-28 05:11:05 · update #3
Elizabeth, thx for answer but her love, and faithfullness is without question. i have even encouraged her to find someone and she refuses
2007-06-28 05:14:46 · update #4
To her, you are a financial provider, not a husband. To you, she is a burden you want rid of.
This isn't a marriage any more. I don't think I could live with someone I knew didn't love me, and openly has a girlfriend on the side. What is the point?
She sounds very low, and very needy. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet. If you care about her, help her to get a job, so that she can support herself, or put her in touch with other interests and hobbies so that she can build a new life for herself. She is relying on you too much, which is why she doesn't want you to go, because then she has nothing.
You are not, however, responsible for her happiness. Help her as much as you can, then let her stand on her own two feet. You will be doing her a favour in the long run. She needs to build up some self esteem, find herself a man who does love her, and you should go and be with your girlfriend.
2007-06-28 05:01:10 · answer #1 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So what is the problem...I don't see one. You have an excellent companion in your wife, she understands you too well, makes you comfortable, and your life is pretty much to do as you will. Look at it this way...her being your wife prevents you from making another stupid mistake and marrying the wrong person again...one who may not be so understanding. So what...she is like a sister to you....things could be a lot worse in your life...Appreciate what you have, and stop sweating the "what you don't have." It may not be there, for usually, the life we think waits for us is no more than a Hollywood rendition of blarney! It would be far easier to be happy with your situation, for many would be. I don't see a problem, why are you making one where it doesn't exist? Try being a friend instead of a husband...big deal...your wife doesn't expect that from you. Think about what I have said...you actually have it very good and just don't know it.
2007-06-28 05:07:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Noone can tell you whether to stay or to go. I can tell you that after he leaves his wife things will slow down and he will not have to chase you because he already has you. Things do slow down it is just part of a relationship. A good relationship is based on good communication. You seem like a female that requires alot of attention to be happy. I know I am one of those girls too. You need to discuss how you are going to handle all these things with him. Be patient with the divorce. Divorces can take a year or more. It is not his fault. Attorney's rescedule and continue the case and continue the case. So try to be patient on that. You have come this far.
2016-04-01 08:56:33 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why stay? Leave, make sure she has a way to take care of her self, she will learn to live her own life after you're gone. You said you don't love her anymore, well it sounds like she fills the same. Just wants to be taken care of. You stoped loving her 13 years ago? are you a fool? she probably has someone else on the side too! You can stay gone as long as you like if you pay all the bills, and buy food. Who cares.
2007-06-28 05:10:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, let's look a little deeper here.
People are always giving quick answers on here in one paragraph to a relationship that has lasted 23 years? Can't be done.
Exactly why are you lying and saying that you are having an affair when you are not?
That's a little twisted.
This isn't the entire story...give us the reason why you said that.
2007-06-28 05:19:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well then why did you marry someone who one day you won't have feelings for? Dude marriage is a life long thing not just something for 23 years and give up on it if people want to screw around just stay single for the rest of your life and screw! Thats not right doing that to your wife suppose it was the other way around i bet you wouldn't like it!
2007-06-28 05:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by little lou lou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok here is the deal, she is giving you your freedom, all she is asking inreturn is dont leave her on the street and alone, i think thats a fair trade off, you obviously care about her or you would have packed up and left along ago, so do this for her its the least she deserves, go had have your fun, dip your whick, but dont put this woman out in the street, all she wants is security
2007-06-28 05:55:44 · answer #7 · answered by eyesinthedrk 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she still loves you if she wants to know how you are doing while you are away, and she treats you perfect. If she doesn't want sex, probably why she doesn't mind you having a girlfriend. Seems like she wants you to be happy and still wants you in her life. I would be so lost without my husband in my life.
2007-06-28 05:14:48 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, that is sad. 23 years of your life wasted.
i don't even know how to respond to this. she definately has low self esteem to allow to cheat on her and even tell her you are cheating. wow...(i am lost for words)
i don't think you are helping her by staying. she has to face reality. you need to leave out the house so that she can take the steps to healing.
i think what she needs to hear that it wasn't anything wrong with her and that you two just grew apart.
it will take some time, but eventually she will heal and move on.
2007-06-28 05:06:28 · answer #9 · answered by karMA_DAME 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow! She really deserves someone that will love and care for her. You seem to have it pretty good but it's not healthy for you to stay either if nothing makes you happy.
2007-06-28 05:00:12 · answer #10 · answered by Bobby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋