Do we tell her husband?

Question

Our work colleague is having an affair with another colleague (both married with kids) she is involving us in her deceit. He has a reputation for cheating.

Answer 1

yeah, tell him. No need for you to lie for her..........

Answer 2

As much as I would love to say they need to be outed, it isn't your place to just call him up or etc to spill the beans, unless you are family or close friends to him.
I do think however, if she has asked you to cover for her I wouldn't. If he called work or something,to ask where she was, I would say out with so and so and leave it at that.
He would either put the pieces together himself or leave himself in the dark about the situation that way your not adding to his misery but simply not aiding and abetting the unjust anymore.

And like someone else said, sooner or later it all comes out, even the best cheaters get caught, so it is just a matter of time.

Its sad that people will risk throwing away a good/workable marriage and family life for a casual roll in the hay. It is selfish because it doesn't just effect the cheater or the cheaters spouse but the kids, the parents, the rest of the family and yes even the pets. People don't think before they jump into action anymore, that's the reason we have so many issues now a days. Massive credit debts, Babies having Babies, Meth/Drug and Alcohol addictions ,Whirl wind marriages that can be tossed to the wind like yesterdays newspaper etc,

If we all took a step back to take an outside view before making rash decisions, we would most likely have a whole lot less of a messy life a more structured and positive centered one.

No one said life was easy, and nothing in life is truly free, everything has to be worked for or worked at to grow and flurish, that goes double for a good healthy marriage.

I wish them all the best, especially for those children that will learn what they see and hear.

Answer 3

How good of a friend are you to her husband?

You have to ask yourself, if you were in his shoes would you want someone to tell you. How is she involving you in her deceit?

One thing is for sure, you should not have to lie for her. At the very least you need to distance yourself from this destructive person. You also have to realize that this person's values to not mirror your own and is probably not the best choice in a friend. I mean would you want her around YOUR husband?

I am not entirely sure what possesses people to do such things, but it has been going on all through history and probably back into the caveman days. It's awful and it's extremely selfish. I can guarantee that not only will the spouses of these two cheaters pay an awful price for their infidelity, but their children will as well.

Answer 4

I really would not interfere, if you are uncomfortable being involved you should speak to her directly about this, not go behind her back and tell her husband. There are most certainly a great deal of underlying issues between them that none of you understand and it would surely be unfair and also very mean and malicious to do that to her when for all you know she could be having an affair because she is simply not getting the love she needs from the relationship she is in. Maybe they are staying together for the sake of the children but accept that they no longer have love between them. There could be hundreds of reasons so personally I'd just let them sort their own lives out and you get on with yours.

Answer 5

No-not unless she's actually asking you to lie and cover up for her to her husband. Do you know her husband? Is he a friend of work colleague of yours? If not it is none of your business. If he is then tell her you will play no part in her deceit in which case, if she has any sense, she will end her affair (or at least tell you she has anyway). Anyway if you're thinking about telling her husband why not go and tell his wife- it takes two to tango and you're involved in his deceit as well.

Answer 6

What she does in her personal life is just that, her personal life... BUT she is now involving you and other colleagues. I wouldn't necessarily tell her husband, but I would make it clear to her that you are not going to lie for her or deceive her husband any longer. Let her know what your morals are. Just because she has choosen a different life style, doesn't mean you or your colleagues have the right to disclose her affair to anyone...

Lay your cards on the table with her and the other colleague. Maybe if they know where you are coming from they won't ask you to lie for them anymore.

Good luck!!!

Answer 7

well are you going to tell his wife as well? I'm not judging you but why are your concerns only for this co workers husband and not the wife of the *** that she is cheating with? you say HE has a rep for cheating so this is not his first time....this woman colleague,do you not like her or something? THEY are BOTH very wrong for what THEY are doing, but it sounds to me like you have it out for the woman colleague.....I would stay out of it and stay away from her....if you cant do this and you are still contemplating telling the husband well than you should drop a line to the wife as well.

Answer 8

Ever heard the expression "Don't shoot the messenger". Sadly this often happens and you could be the one that ends up being the outcast and be reflected in a bad light. Tell her you don't want to hear about it, and that you want to keep well out of it because it offends your conscience, if she talks about it walk away. Say to her that she should stop the affair, or leave her husband, and to make a choice, because these things ALWAYS come out in the long run.

Answer 9

I would definitely not say anything. They will tell on themselves soon enough....they are already heading that way if more than just the two of them know about their affair.

I would refuse to play along in their little game. If she or he is asking for you to cover for them....like if their spouse calls looking for them because they are "working late", I would just say that they are not there as far you know and leave it at that. Let the spouses find out in their own time...because they definitely will.

But if it is affecting either their work or your ability to work, I would bring attention to it and possibly bring the boss in on what is going on. A lot of companies not only have a policy about dating within the workplace, but really do frown upon extra-marrital affairs within the workplace. But only do that if your work is seriously affected. No need to ruin their lives unneedlessly because they will do that themselves in time.

Answer 10

It isn't easy. We told a friend that his soon to be wife was cheating on him. It was the worst kept secret so we got his closest friend to tell him so it would be easier. Although the wedding went through as well as the subsequent separation and divorce he refused to speak to us thinking we were laughing at him. Even though sincerely we weren't, we just thought he was too good for her and she was my friend since childhood. Unfortunately it did more damage than good we weren't there to support the victim through all of this because there was an issue of mistrust. My advice is confront the cheater, tell them that you are going to confront their spouse and hopefully they will feel trapped and beat you to the punch hoping that they can soften the blow by possibly sugar coating it a little. At least the truth will come out. Good Luck.

Answer 11

You can't be a moral judge on someone, since they are both cheating its doesn't matter .. So the best thing for you to do is to tell her not too involve you!.. and when its all ends in tears be there to help her pick up the pieces..