I have lived with this man for a while now. He has been divorced for 7 yrs. He see's boys 7 & 15 every Wedsday eve on his way home from work & they come over to stay with him/us every other weekend. She hates me, for what ever reason. I wasnt in the picture when they got their divorce, so she cant blame me for that. There is a band that my guy, his boys, myself & you guessed it his ex also likes. They will be here in concert in 2 months. The boys questioned their dad about going, he explained that we didnt have the $$ to go. He took the boys to a concert 2 mths ago ($300) Last night he tells me the EX got tickets for the 4 of THEM to go. He agreed to go. This blew my mine. He says he knew I would be upset. I suggested the sons girlfriend could use his ticket and that I would find the $ to get he & I tickets to go. Guess what, he says he wont suggest that to them. HE KNOWS HOW HURT I AM and I think she gets her digs in on me when possible. He says ITS NOTHING & I SHOULD GET OVER IT!!!
2007-06-28 02:36:05 · 39 answers · asked by Sugar 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh ya I made a mistake when I gave the ages of his boys. 15 yrs and 18 yrs old. They are not little children. Old enough to understand
2007-06-30 05:08:19 · update #1
well yes I would be upset....i know its hard on him with his kids but they are old enough to start understanding....he should respect you and understand your feelings. How would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot.. that's the problem he don't feel it...that is sooo selfish, maybe you should find a new boyfriend..
go Jr go
2007-06-28 02:45:37 · answer #1 · answered by txO3blueeyes 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being a divorced man with two boys of almost the same age's I will tell you that this is probably very innocent and just something your boyfriend is doing to have some fun with his kids and make them happy. No matter what they are still his family and there will be times you and his ex are going to have to deal with each other on some level. It makes it harder that she say's things about you. I would speak to your boyfriend about how you feel not from a place of anger or a place of making accusations but just from a humble place of explaining to him how it makes you feel. Believe it or not to him it probably isn't any big deal and he feels your making too much of nothing so you need to make him understand that you feel hurt. That doesn't mean he won't do it or that he is wrong for doing it because honestly I don't think he is but you need to make him understand how this makes you feel. Understand how difficult it is to mesh a new relationship with an old family with kids. There are compromises that have to be made and sometimes you just have to grin and bear things that aren't exactly how you want them. If your not prepared to do this for a good part of your life I would suggest finding a man who has no attachments. The fact he continues a good relationship with his kids and even his ex is a sign that he is probably a decent guy who takes his relationships and responsibities seriously and thus will do the same for you so try to see that positive.
2007-06-28 03:15:41 · answer #2 · answered by snoopy22564 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not the kids' stepmom. Because you live with this guy, you're 'dad's girlfriend' which in itself sounds pretty transitional.
The kids have their mom and their dad. This is a big occasion for them; they are doing something with their mom and their dad and it's something everyone likes. It sounds like concerts like this don't happen often - and the ex-wife is paying. Let your boyfriend go and enjoy the concert, the kids, and yes, even his ex-wife.
If you are very insecure, ask yourself why you aren't married to this man. Being the live-in girlfriend, you should try to have as much self-confidence as you can muster. It's not easy being the girlfriend. I'm extremely pessimistic about the future of 'living together' and playing house when you are grownups. So the best way to look at this is as a learning experience.
2007-07-04 20:42:36 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always difficult when someone is in a relationship with someone who has children with an x. If you plan to stay in the relationship for the long haul and expect a real furture with this man, then you will have to come to terms with the fact that his x-wife and his kids will always be a huge part of his life and yours. His kids want to see the concert with him, and the x made is possible for them all attend, as you already stated that she is also a fan. You need not to give him a hard time about this. If you do or continue to do so then you will appear as a baby and the bitchy girlfriend, not only to your man but to his sons. What are you afraid of? Him spending time with his x? That he may leave you to get back together with her? If that is what he is leading to then there is really nothing you can do about. If he wants to cheat, then he will. No amount of fighting with him or trying to keep them apart will change that. They need to have a least a somewhat friendly relationship for the sake of the children they have together. Getting angry with him over this concert and any other things that arise with his family only fuels more problems. It is very hard and I do not blame you for being upset. But you are not in competion with her. If she does not like you it may or may be personal, when it come down to it, you are with the man she was once married to, that must be hard for her to deal with as well. Be supportive of your man, express your concern, but try not to make it harder. I'm not is any way saying just roll over , but focus on your relationship with him, work on building something strong between the two of you. It will make you that much more secure. So you can truly say, I gave it my best, and if he does not see that, or he strays, then he was not worth your time anyway.
2007-06-28 03:19:39 · answer #4 · answered by cita 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmm...is his ex-wife unmarried? Maybe she still feels for him and is using their sons to get back to him. How much do you love your boyfriend? Enough to live in doubts and forever remain his girlfriend? Don't be a martyr. Go and get a life of your own. Don't be a doormat forever. Has your boyfriend mentioned marriage? If not, how long will you wait till he pops you the very important question that will settle all your doubts about his love and his honesty with you and your relationship? His family and in some way, his ex, will always be at the center of your lives no matter how you dislike the idea or pretend that it won't give you trouble now and in the future specially if his wife has not found somebody else to play around with. Muster courage and think deeply of how you want your life and future to be. It's your happiness which is at stake here. If you love your boyfriend so profoundly you can ignore the heartaches of being with him (and his sons and ex), then go ahead, suffer in silence.
2007-07-05 19:09:19 · answer #5 · answered by annabelle p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like it or not, your bf did exactly what any father should do and that is to put his children above everyone else including you. I know the situation is upsetting to you; however his first and foremost responsibility is to his children especially now that they are teenagers. It is possible that his kids requested that they be able to offer the extra ticket to their dad. It shows a great amount of maturity on both your bf and his ex-wife's part to be able to put their differences aside to allow each other to enjoy a rare bonding opportunity with their teenage sons. You better get used to situations like this because graduations, marriages and grandchildren are just around the corner. Your bf and his ex-wife are connected together forever through these children. Just because they have a mutual interest in their children and what is important to them does not mean they have a mutual interest in each other, hence the divorce.
If you are going to be this jealous over this man's children, I suggest you get out and not date men who have children in the future. You knew he had children when you started dating him. Did you think you were only going to have to deal with them when it was convenient to you or you were comfortable with the situation.
Make this man choose between you and his children and you will LOSE!
2007-07-03 13:42:02 · answer #6 · answered by motherofthree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should never have agreed to go. It's giving his boys the impression that there is still hope that they will get together, and is that what his ex-wife thinks? He is encouraging a behavior that is not normal, and she knows how this affects you. It's bad enough she is so inconsiderate, but for him to follow her like a little puppy, what's up with that? Maybe you should take an old boyfriend/or if you have ex-husband to lunch and see how he feels. If it doesn't bother him, you may want to start worrying.
2007-07-04 07:20:46 · answer #7 · answered by dear_vern 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ex is exercising some control over her ex-husband and he is still letting her do it.
Shame on him.
You have every right to be angry. What you do about this is up to you. The one for sure thing is that you cannot simply let this slide.
If you leave him, his ex-wife will be overjoyed! She will have achieved what she wanted for the price of a few concert tickets. If you don't leave, she still drove a wedge in between the two of you for the price of a few concert tickets. His Ex is pretty darn smart and he is pretty darn stupid.
Now... on to the message that he and is Ex are portraying to their children. What do you think will be going on in their minds??? "Mom and Dad are getting back together!" This will build up false hope that will be dashed once again. This is a roller coaster that these kids should not be on.
2007-06-28 02:48:41 · answer #8 · answered by lonnyl_99 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend should be more sensitive to your feelings. I can understand him going with his kids but the ex? No way!
I know it's just a concert, but I can totally understand where you are coming from...I agree with you, your guy should offer the ticket to his son's girlfriend and if you can afford it, he should either go with you or not go at all.
You have every right to feel hurt and be upset. His response to you to "get over it" is very inconsiderate on his part.
If he doesn't change his mind, just smile sweetly at his ex and tell them all to have a good time...then go inside and punch the $hit out of his pillow!
2007-06-28 02:55:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he thinks it's nothing then he shouldn't object to you going. Why you would even want to is beyond me. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, I just got out of a relationship like this. And he is now back with his ex and the boys. This comes after he proposed to me 2 mos. ago. So all I can say is walk away before you really get hurt as I did.
2007-06-28 02:53:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
As hurt as you may be by this, you should also look at the fact that your boyfriend is willing to do this for his boys.
It says a lot about him and his character. He knows there is the tension with the ex - for whatever reasons she has created with you - but he wants to be the best Dad he can be for his boys and not let their Mom's issues become their issues.
Yeah, this is a "dig" at you by the ex...and the very best way to handle it is to not allow her pettiness to affect you. She can only do these things to you - make you feel the way you are feeling - as long as you allow her to.
Don't give her that much control over you!
Just be thankful and appreciative that your boyfriend is one of the "good guys" when it comes to doing what is best for his kids.
2007-06-28 02:52:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋