We have 5 children and love them all immensely. We chose to get 'fixed' after our last was born and now we are somewhat regretting it. We would both like one more. She says she feels pregnant, but is worried it is wishful thinking and somewhat depressed - doesn't want to take a test. What would you recommend? Make her take a test? Look into adoption? Look into a ligation reversal? Chalk it all up to wishful thinking, deal with the disappointment and stay with a family of 7? Just looking for more opinions.
2007-06-28 02:33:44 · 11 answers · asked by Calvin 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
What you are feeling is very common after procedures like tubal ligations and vasectomies, especially if you have other children.
You are finding there is always room in your heart and home for one more, and it's TRUE.
There is no perfect size number for your family. If you want to welcome another child into your home that is WONDERFUL. So yes, look into ligation reversal and she might also take a pregnancy test because tubals aren't always 100% effective.
The reason I would suggest a reversal rather than adoption is that the reversal will keep your options "open" for the future, because this longing for a child may happen again and you won't be in the dilemma you are now because of being fixed.
God bless you and guide you in this decision!
2007-06-28 02:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by Veritas 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's more likely than not psychological... her biological clock is ticking and she feels she needs to have another baby. Plus, she feels her chance to have one more has gone. It could be more a case of 'what if we didn't...'
Perhaps the others are growing up, and need her less, so now she feels unwanted and thinks a new baby will complete her... sorry if that sounds harsh, but I know it's true in a lot of cases. It may not be in yours, so it's just a thought I'm throwing in there.
Examine the reasons WHY you want another child and do what's right for you, if you want another child then reverse the op... those are only 20% successful though, so it wouldn't be a good idea to get your hopes up on that one.
As for adoption, yes that's an option. I don't know about you, but in my country childless couples get presedence, so you may end up waiting forever. If you have money you can do an international adoption. The waiting period is about a year, but it's expensive and only something you should do if you can afford to do it.
If you always want a house full of children... have you considered fostering? It's hard work, and sometimes those children need a lot of care and patience, but you'll be doing good work and making a child happier. It's extremely fulfilling work and, though heartbreaking at times, you will never regret it.
Good luck.
2007-06-28 09:47:41 · answer #2 · answered by elainevdb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
She should see a doctor to make sure all is ok and check out all your options. Women can have a false pregnancy so beware. Its a rare thing but everything can develop except a baby in the mother. It does have to be dealt with. The other thing is if she is pregnant. Someones tube could of became untied this happened to my grandmother so I have a aunt only 6 yrs older then me. But you can still make a baby by taking your sperm and her eggs. This can end up in giving you more then just one more baby though. If they put 6 eggs in her and 4 develop or if they put 4 in her and 2 develop ect. they put more then one since you will have a better chance at one taking hold and developing. Good luck though its great that you both love children so much as to want another one and can afford them ...their expensive little boogers ha! I think I would adopt if I could ever afford it. There are just to many children without good homes and many that are sick that need alot of care waiting for someone. It would be hard to do since many did not get affection when young and this can hurt their development later. There's alot of children in other countrys in foster care but you would want two of them since one might feel out of place being a different color or look different with dark hair and everyone else has blond or eyes shaped differently ect. Its a big choice and anyway you go is a great thing even if you dont have anymore since you have 5 and you can take care of them thats wonderful. Hope this helps.
2007-06-28 10:01:17 · answer #3 · answered by cave wmn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So she has five beautiful healthy children and is depressed about not having another???? Why focus on the child you don't have when you have 5 wonderful children?
Why would you want to go through a reversal and bring another child into the world when there are so many children who need loving parents. Adoption would be a blessing to your family and to a child who has no family.
2007-06-28 09:48:11 · answer #4 · answered by Sissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys really want another child, them have the tubal ligation reversed. It is a lot of money!!!! Don't force her to take a test, it will only depress her more, if it comes back pregnant and the chances for her to be pregnant with a tubal ligation is very small. I had mines done after my 3 child, and I am happy with my decision, my youngest is going to grade one in September. Good luck
2007-06-28 09:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, this is up to you and ultimately only your business.
But since you've put this out on a public forum, I want to present you with an unpopular, but very real view of things just to round out the responses you've already gotten. From the standpoint of environmental responsibility, you've already had 3 children too many. Popular enrvironmental wisdom implies you should only have children to replace yourself and your wife.
Our world population growth is unsustainable at the rate we consume. Parents fail to consider that it's not just a question about whether they can afford to support more children, it's about what impact these extra bodies will have as consumers upon the planet.
We have looming crises in energy, health care, natural resources, social security, and pollution just for starters. What will your children do as adults but just consume more?
2007-06-28 09:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's so disappointing about a family of 7??? that's amazing, and you wanting more is wonderful, but if you're both "fixed" then i would say it's probably wishful thinking...but have her test to see. I would say maybe look into adoption if you both want, that's a wonderful thing to do for another child.
2007-06-28 09:38:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you asking strangers what we would do? This is YOUR family, YOUR life, and we don't know anything about you and what the pros/cons are to your desire to have more children.
This is a subject only the two of you can resolve, so talk to her openly and honestly about what you both want to happen. If you decide you both want more children, then go for it!
Why is she scared to take the test, you'd think if she wants to be pregnant she'd be eager- unless she is just fearing the negative result. Either way, not knowing is always far worse and provides much more tension and anxiety.
2007-06-28 09:39:01 · answer #8 · answered by Take A Test! 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm a single parent I have a 14 and a 9 year and I'm currently pregnant. This will be my last one. I'm very happy that gave gave me one more chance to have a baby. If you want one more do the ligation reversal. Come one it's your life, if you want one more kid do it.
2007-06-28 09:55:42 · answer #9 · answered by JUICY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are this is wishful thinking....you can get a reversal, expensive and not 100%, you can also look into artificial insemination using her eggs and your sperm!
I would love another baby now..so know what you guys are feeling!
2007-06-28 09:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by kat k 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋