My husband has changed a lot recently should I be concerned???????????

Question

Okay my husband and I got married when we where only 17 and have been married for almost 10 years we have had ups and downs but things worked out until recently. In the last 3 years he has taken a job at a mill and taken on the atitude of the people he works with. He lies about little things and I always catch him but he won't quit doing it. He will say he has a saftey meeting after work and it is going to run late and he will really be golfing. he made plans to go to a football game out of state with four guys I didn't know and instead of telling me they were going to stay the night he made up a story about their car being broken into and needing to be fixed. Then he also started chewing and I knew he was. I found a can of chew here and there for over two years and whenever I asked him about it he would say it was someone elses. Then he finaly gets caught in his lie when we are out with some of his friends from work. These things are so dumb but I don't trust him what can I do?

Okay so I should add that yes I dissaprove of his chewing because he never did it until he started working with people that did. I don't like him hanging out with some of these people but we have a lot of other friends that I adore that he hangs out with. The thing is he never even asks or says anything to me about these things he just dose them and then lies. Like he is so selfish he won't take the chance that I might dissaprove. Just because I might say no or dissaprove dose that give him the right to just assume and lie? The guys he works with are all I do what I want when I want kind of people but those that are married their wives act that way too. I don't want to be that way I just want to know if this is a rough patch we can work out or if I should cut my losses he says he in no way wants a divorce and when I said I did he was really upset.

Again for people who need it spelled out. It is for sure that the health reasons of not chewing along with the example he is setting for our kids our reasons I don't want him to chew. If he was bonding with people who were decent guys no problem but these are not people you would want your spouse or son to bond with. Many of them are drug addicts, treat women with no respect, talk down to my husband and I feel like he is doing these things to gain their approval and it is a slippery slope. I don't care what you make think my reasons are is there any good reason not to be a man and tell the truth?

Answer 1

He may feel that he missed a lot by getting married so young. He is probably feeling guilty about wanting to do those things, so he lies about them. You need to have a serious discussion about the problem. Tell him that you understand, but he needs to at least be honest with you. Ask him how he would feel if you lied to him all of the time.

Answer 2

He's lieing to you because he feels like he can't tell you the truth. He's afraid of the repercussions.
Your husband deserves to mature and grow in his own way. If all he's doing is golfing with friends or staying overnight after a football game and he finds it impossible to tell you about these things then that is very sad. You are lucky he is not doing much worse. He is bonding with friends and should be able to be open with you. If you continue to control him you will find that you will loose him.
You say that you don't like him "chewing" because he started it because others were?! In other words, the health drawbacks mean nothing to you and this is simply a loss of your control over him?
Sorry, but you are being very, very selfish and controlling and he shouldn't have to answer to you in that way. If he works hard and he respects you in general then tiny details like this should be left alone or you will GUARANTEED not be together for the duration.

Answer 3

For soem reason, your hubby seems to think you will dissaprove of all these things, dont take this offensivly but are you judgemental, and disaproving, look hard at yourself, two perople dont get into this situation for no reason, why is he behaving like this, do you make him this way. He is defo wrong for lying to you, you have a lot of talking to do if you want to sort things out. Good luck xx

Answer 4

stop being so much of a pathetic gawdamnned kyunt, is what.

He lies to you because he's sick of hearing your slob mouth blather for one more second. Get pissed if you want, but you know I'm right.

I read your post the first time, sweetheart... I didn't miss a thing. Your hubby's lying to you about trivial things such as chaw and golfing with his buddies. And you find now you don't trust him (a natural tendency when dealing with liars). I stand by my contention that he is not happy, based on very similar behavior I exhibited when I realized I was not in love with my (ex) wife. I also stand by my contention that you are part of the problem.

And, if you had read my comments, you'd know I never called you a fat slob. I never said fat.

.

Answer 5

well firstly itz not ur husbands fault he is doing all this
he works in a company of freinds who do not seem suitable for him coz dey just wanna have some fun and some of dem may not even care bout breaking da law i know im not supposed to say this but u havent provided enough details about his co workers neway try talking to him about this . if dat doesnt solve ur problem try going to a marraige councelor

hope this helps you

Answer 6

maybe he thinks if he tells you the truth u might not accept it? that you dont like his company and that you'll stop him....plus, 17 is VERY young to get married. just open up to him and tell him that you wont have a problem with him hangin out w/ his buddies and all but you just need to be told the truth.

Answer 7

Sorry to say this but he sounds like he won't change. You have to analyze all aspects of the marriage and make a decision. Going on and living this way will only lead to more serious matters. You don't want that.

Answer 8

could be growing pains
got married young and missed alot