I am in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage for 13 years(physical by choking me 3x in the past over 4 yrs. ago). We have a daughter 7 and a son that's 5. We are 34. he is very verbally and mentally abusive from calling me horrible names, that he doesn't need me, I'm worthless and sorry( b/c I was layed off over a yr. ago and have not yet obtained a job. It's a tough economy in Michigan), fat *****(I'm not fat and if I was he still has no right), lazy(our place is immaculate). Well I am just at a lost. I have left 3 times and returned hoping things could change to no avail. In counseling now but I don't think he takes it seriously. He works in the evening so I miss paying singing gigs all the time b/c he refused to work in the morning. I feel like I'm wasting away trying to be the perfect housewife for a man who treats me like ****. I don't hardly do anything for me to keep up with his demands. He's only nice sometimes. He says he's not forcing me to stay here. What to do?
2007-06-27 18:41:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I yearn for the freedom of a divorce but will that only add to my problems? I have a fear of being on my own. I went from my mom's house to being married at a young age. I've never been indepent and having 2 kids is even scarier for me now. I hear stories of regret form some people close to me regarding divorce but I know God doesn't want me to be miserable and abused either. This si so hard b/c if we ever separate again he says that it's over for good and he wants a divorce.
2007-06-27 18:44:39 · update #1
Honey, I've been in your shoes, and I did leave and get a divorce. You have no idea the relief and sense of self worth that I have now. Yeah, it's very scary thinking about going it alone, but at the same time, you have the freedom to come and go as you please, and nobody's there critisizing you or starting a fight all the time. You deserve a lot better than what you are dealing with now. My advice is to leave him for good and start a new life for yourself and those two beautiful children. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2007-06-27 18:50:43 · answer #1 · answered by Judy W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend some time getting yourself together to move out with your kids. Take classes to get up to date with your skills, and look for work with seriousness.
No one should stay with someone who demeans them. Walk away and don't look back. Oh and btw, he needs you more than he would ever let on. Otherwise, your "worthless, sorry, lazy, fat" self would be gone. That's a ploy that abuser use to keep you there. Don't believe it, he's dependent on you. That's why he keeps taking you back.
2007-06-28 02:15:15 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to leave him..no women should have to go through this type of thing. life is hard enough why people make it harder for others is beyond me. if you have family or friends seek some support in them. if you fear that he will do something when you do leave then ask for some help through the police. they may not be able to help your right hen and their with the him however they can direct you to groups for women who are in the same situation as you. they maybe able to also help you find a place to leave new employment such things as that to keep him away from you.its going to be hard but its the right thing to do...one day your going to thank yourself. good luck
2007-06-28 01:50:30 · answer #3 · answered by adrik c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally i would say think of the children b4 divorcing but in your situation best to divorce for your children sake they do not deserve to live like this seein their Mum being abused mentally & physically.
Sure ya kids need a father but not this one if i were in ya situation i would think twice b4 puttin ya 7yr old & 5yr old in your husbands Care.. But then again he might not be that way towards ya kids me myself won't trust that if he's abusive to you wife & mother of his Children.
From
Normimah Minen 29yrs.
Married 5 Half Years to Husband Daniel Vujcich 34yr
Mum of Two
4yr old daughter Jazmina Binti Danial
2yr old Son Azhar Bin Danial.
2007-06-28 01:58:30 · answer #4 · answered by icehunni_Mim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes I agree with the rest pack your bag and get help from your immediate family or friends, you're not in sumalia to be treated like that you're educated woman to know what is good for you sometimes it is hard to let go but the situation is your enemy get well and rebuild your life for your children seek. you're still young one day you'll find your perfect match. just think about the kids at present and your wellbeing.
2007-06-28 02:08:25 · answer #5 · answered by jordan_C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get any help you can from family and friends, and go. He will most likely not turn into a wonderful husband any time soon, dont waste your time waiting for change that probably wont come, you have to make your own change!
2007-06-28 01:46:53 · answer #6 · answered by Keith and Michelle P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that you are unhappy and he isn't taking the couseling seriously you should leave. You also have to think about what's best for your children. Yes they need their dad. But it's not right for them to be around such abuse. It will be hard for them to understand now why dad won't be around, but when they get old enough to understand you can explain and I think they will be greatful.
2007-06-28 01:47:39 · answer #7 · answered by angel. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Grab the kids and go.
2007-06-28 01:47:05 · answer #8 · answered by liono_83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself 2 questions: Doya wanna keep breathing on your own? And what are your chidren experiencing?
2007-06-28 02:16:57 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of that situation now......he OBVIOUSLY does not respect you. Don't waste anymore of your time there.
2007-06-28 01:48:22 · answer #10 · answered by Lynnae_1969 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋