My husband doesnt trust me. what do i do?

Question

My husband was sent over to Iraq. He will be gone for 1 year. But everytime i dont answer my phone, he flips out on me. Like if i run in the store & he calls & i dont pick up, he accuses me of cheatng. This is hard enough and i told him that but he just doesnt trustme. I have never cheated on him ever. He told me cause i am attractive, hes acred. Well, i told him not to yell at me & accuse me about it. Im tired of this and how is our marriage supposed to survive when he acts like this? I know hes at war and hes scared but so am i & evertime he says that stuff (like: Im on a date & not picking up) it puts me in a deep depression. How do i make him see this?

Answer 1

Separation caused by war is a very difficult thing to deal with for the both of you. Carry a cell phone with you. He lives in constant fear, not knowing from one minute to the next if a bullet or a bomb has his name on it. Reassure him by telling him how much you miss him. Talk to him about things you're looking forward to when he returns. Tell him your dreams and plans for your future together. Tell him about the things you are doing while he's gone. And pray for him. Make sure he knows you're praying for him. Tell him you're being strong FOR HIM, for the day you'll see him walk off that plane, for the years you have ahead to love each other. And then be sure to deserve his trust!! If he has to vent his frustrations and worries by being upset while he's fighting a war, tell him you understand that he's worried but you are looking forward to one thing and that's his return to you. He's living in hell and in your own way, so are you. God bless all the men and women who are fighting this insane war and God bless the ones at home who are waiting for them. You are all heroes!

Answer 2

Your husband is experiencing problems with stress, and perhaps even a little depression. I would like to suggest that you talk to the regiment chaplain about him. You don't say how old he is. This is a major factor, if he's under age 30, which is when men reach full emotional maturity.

I might also suggest you call the Dr. Laura Schlessinger show, 2-5 P.M. west coast time at 1-800-DR LAURA. She also has some good contacts in the Military, and her son is in Iraq.

Answer 3

am sorry to hear about your situation. he truth is that no matter what u do he will always be that way. the problem is not u- he is an insecure man and even if u wore a veil from head to toe he would still think u up to something.

stop blaming yourself for living your life like a normal human being. if he feels that insecure he can always retire from the army and come live his life following u up and down. don't allow him to limit your world coz it will only get worse and worse.

i like the suggestion about the cell phone, but i also feel u should turn the tabs on him too. there are women in the army and in iraq too. nag him about having an affair over there and he may soon see how absurd he is acting, or at least shut up

Answer 4

Many times a spouse will accuse the other of cheating when in fact they themselves are the guilty party. It may because he is going to Iraq and will be gone for an entire year. Maybe he feels you will see someone else because you will get tired of waiting for him. Talk to him, if you have given him no reason to think that you are cheating, he has some trust issues.

Answer 5

Mirror him- act jealous.... tell him that you are supposed to be the one to be very, very worried, because you heard from someone that a lot of male soldiers in Iraq fool around with female soldiers and get divorced when they come back. This way he feels as if he isn't the only one being worried and jealous. Some people think that jealousy shows love.... your husband seems to be that kind of a person. Mirroring makes another person feel understood... so try that.

Answer 6

Just leave it. If you continue arguing about it, it will only hurt the relationship. He could have had a bad time in the camp or he is just plain bored. So don't bother to explain but let him know that you were busy with things and couldn't come to the phone in time. If he doesn't believe you, forget it. No use explaining when he is angry with you. So let him cool down and talk to him when he calls you again.

Answer 7

My husband was like that when he came out of boot camp. He then proceeded to pull me away from my friends and family cuz he was so worried that he'd lose me. Then as if that wasn't enough he didn't let me even talk to the neighbors. Eventually it got to the point where he'd call me names to make me feel like crap. Then he started actually trying to physically stop me from leaving to go to even bible study. It got bad enough that I divorced him. It turned out that he was insecure about himself and made me feel like crap and accuse me of cheating so I wouldn't leave him. What your husband is doing to you is a form of manipulation. Don't let him play you. You've got to find a way to stand up to him and make him stop now before it gets worse. Good Luck hun!

Answer 8

Just keep reassuring him. He is scared...he may not make it back. You are there and alone and he feels like he is replacable. Just tell him that you love him and are proud of him and that you cannot wait to see him.

Answer 9

WAS HE LIKE THIS B 4 HE WENT ? EITHER WAY HE'S IN A TUFF PLACE AND HE PROBEBLY WONDERS IF YOU AREN'T GONNA WAIT 4 HIM . JUST REASURE HIM THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR HIM AND STAND BY HIM 100% AND YOU CAN'T WAIT TILL YOU CAN BE TOGETHER AGIAN MAYBE THAT WILL HELP.

Answer 10

get a cell phone and tell him to always call you on thAT.V kEEP WITH YOU AT ALL TIMESS AND YOU WONT MISS HIM. ALSO TRY COMPUTER VIDO CAM SO HE CAN SEE AND TALK TO YOU