Do you ever think about the size of your heart?

Question

Almost Gone

I reached into my breast and pulled my heart out
holding it in my trembling hands
I was so amazed to see how little I had left
There was just a tiny bit of flesh pulsing there
Tears started to flow down my face so slowly
One teardrop fell upon my heart, it sparkled and shimmered
and slowly sank into what was left of my heart.
Years of such terrible pain and loss had caused my heart
to almost disappear.
With hands shakiing with grief I placed what was left of
my heart back into me
Clasping my hands I went down on my knees
looking up I prayed to God
"Please let me keep this small part of me, my heart is almost gone, keep me safe from letting anyone steal what is left of me"

Answer 1

wow, love it. almost made me cry. and yeah i do think about the size of my heart, i try to make it big as much as i can.

Answer 2

I liked this. It flowed well. A couple comments though,

"and slowly sank into what was left of my heart."

Just a person preference here, consider dropping of my heart here.

But the main thing I wanted to comment in is that I was surprised by your conclusion (not surprised in a bad or good way just surprised). I didn't think that the reason your heart was small was because people had been "stealing" your heart. I was going through the poem thinking that it had atrophied from lack of love and pain (Years of such terrible pain and loss...) . I don't say this because I think my initial interpretation is better--it's sort of neutral. I just wanted you to know what is going through one of your reader's mind as he read your poem.

Answer 3

The chilly water in all probability bowled over your equipment. That mixed with your weight and different factors advised your physique to kick into overdrive. A one time occurence could properly be defined, yet while it takes place returned i could see a doctor. in case you have a background of drug or substance abuse i could permit your wellness practitioner understand approximately this besides. better of success.

Answer 4

i would cut out "so" in "so slowly". and yeah, i wouldn't say "my heart" so often.

loved the poem though. i thought it was an excellent topic and i loved the ending the best...asking god to let you keep it. beautiful :)

Answer 5

nice short and succinct poem
check whether these are used the way you really want:

flesh pulsing
sparkled and shimmered
shakiing

Answer 6

Pretty good. Don't say "my heart" so much. Use "it" a couple times her and there.