I've been separated from my husband for almost a year and our divorce is almost final. It's been MONTHS since the kids and I have had any phone, email or otherwise contact from him (he lives in another state). The deadline for his response to the divorce papers served on him in May came and went with no response, so my lawyer filed a default against him, so I think he's basically waived his rights to see the kids unless he takes me to court and sues for partial custody. Is that correct?
2007-06-27 16:26:15 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, at 11:10 last night, the phone rings and it's a blocked call. My boyfriend answered and I heard my ex’s voice bark "Put my wife on the phone!" My boyfriend politely replied, "You have the wrong number." My ex started to say loudly, "I KNOW I have the right number”, but my boyfriend hung up. My ex never called back or emailed me to say what he wanted. I have a sneaking suspicion that maybe in the course of the court’s finalizing the case, they contacted his employer regarding child support and he just found out how much he owes me, maybe?? (He hasn’t paid a penny in child support the entire time we’ve been separated).
2007-06-27 16:26:38 · update #1
I’m seeing my lawyer next week to finalize the details on the default judgment, but I’m wondering wheat to do in the meantime. I don’t want to talk to him if he calls again, but do I have to let him talk to the kids if he calls for them? It was my understanding that by not responding to the divorce papers, he waives his parental rights…is that true? If it comes to it, should I let him talk to the kids? Or do I need to contact my lawyer before my Monday appointment and let him know what’s going on? Any legal info would be much appreciated!
2007-06-27 16:27:06 · update #2
Yes, he was abusive. And since we've been separated, he's made minimal effort to talk to the kids, and hasn't attempted to see them even once. He hasn't given me a single cent to help with their care since I left him, either. He drinks and does drugs....basically he's a dog. :(
2007-06-27 16:32:40 · update #3
The kids are 8 and 5 1/2, and they have tried and tried to contact him over the past months and he will not respond. I do NOT badmouth him to the kids...I just tell them that I don't know where he is or why he doesn't want to talk to them right now (which is the truth). I don't think he was calling to talk to the kids at 11 pm......
2007-06-27 16:40:58 · update #4
you need to be telling your lawyer what you're telling us!!! every states divorce laws are different, only your attorney can give you accurate info. if your ex is violent you should take steps to defend yourself. if he was recently served with support/ alimony summons, trust me he IS angry. i've been there done that. if he makes alot of $$$$ and he now knows he will be required to pay a large amount in support, he may lash out at both you and your boyfriend. it's in the news everyday!!!! be safe, take precautions, watch your mirrors for anyone following you etc. etc. jealousy and anger can make sane people do crazy things!!!! CALL YOUR ATTORNEY!!!! i see a lot of answers to your question, most of them are way off, don't listen to anyone BUT your attorney!!! ask QUESTIONS!!! if you don't understand what HE/SHE tells you, ask them to explain it to you!! there's no such thing as a dumb question, especially in the legal world!!!
2007-06-27 16:48:33 · answer #1 · answered by b.douglaswyatt 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, not responding to the divorce does not waive his rights to see the kids. If, however, you had filed to take those rights away, it could have helped.
Likely, because he is attempting to contact you and talk to the kids, the courts will see that as an attempt and will now not take away his rights.
You need to talk to your attorney about taking those rights away IF THERE IS A REASON -- such as violence or abuse. You need to be able to prove this.
If there is not violence or abuse to the children, then you will likely, at some point, be forced to let him see the kids. They are his kids to, and without proof of his being an unfit parent, he has rights.
So now what. You can refuse to speak to him, and you can badmouth him, and you can try to prevent him from seeing the kids. He, the kids, and the courts may simply say that you are the problem and take those kids away from you.
They are his kids too. Try to work out what you can with him. Try to talk to him no matter how much you hate it for the sake of the kids. The two of you are parents together and the kids deserve to have you communicating.
Good luck.
2007-06-27 23:35:59 · answer #2 · answered by mj69catz 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Termination of parental rights is not automatic - you could have filed all the papers and never actually have served them on your spouse...the courts don't want to assume anything. (and no, I am not saying you did that - but there are people out there who would)
I would have a second phone installed in the house or get the kids a cell phone - and he can contact them on that number only.
He will need to show up eventually to get visitation rights if he wants them - and if he does, INSIST that it be done through the courts - not just an agreement between you two. Get it in writing!
2007-06-27 23:34:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He hasnt even tried to contact his children? What a total loser! If he has any rights at all they should be taken away. Any so called father like him wouldve at least tried to see his children at least once a week. Sounds like a real ******** to me. If i were a judge i would say f**k u you are a lame excuse for a father then i would order the highest child support.. Men like to be called fathers but actually being a daddy is a different ball game. Just tell him to kiss ur *** girl! Daddy or not. If a father doesnt attempt to see his children in a month they can lose their parenting rights. Get a good lawyer and take him to the cleaners!!
2007-06-27 23:52:18 · answer #4 · answered by boo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest what I did. First of all, how old are your kids? Since my kids were 7 years old(they're 13 now)I told my ex and my girls that they should have the choice if they want to see, talk, or email. It lets them know that you trust then to make the decision. Support them in their decision because in the end, they form their own opinion and you don't look like the bad guy. I wouldn't let them leave the state, have him come see them if he wants to see them. Don't deny him, but don't send them away. Also, ask your lawyer to make sure that he cannot remove them from your home state. Make sure that's written down and legalized. You're only protecting the welfare of your children. Good luck with everything. I'll keep you in my prayers.
2007-06-27 23:37:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't sound like he waived any parental rights. he isn't divorcing the kids, he's divorcing you.
legally, it depends on what your contract says. i would think there is some provision about visitation..
you could have (physical) custody, basically meaning that the children live mostly with you and he has visitation for certain times..whether or not he takes it, is up to him. you still have to grant him visitation (and phone calls) or else you'd be in contempt.
just as he would be in contempt for not paying child support.
partial (joint?) custody is when you share equally in living with the children (they spend equal amounts of time split between you) but it doesn't sound like that is what he wants.
bottom line..you don't need to talk to him at all on the phone, but if he asks to speak to the kids, you must let him.
2007-06-27 23:35:55 · answer #6 · answered by shyanne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your attorney to arrange all contact be through a third party. Like social services. This way he can not yell and put you down in front of the kids. They will put a stop to it. and If it is by phone do the same but have the speaker phone on or 3 way calling, with a witness to what is being said(and needs to be recorded) and let him know all convs. are being taped GOOD LUCK
2007-06-27 23:33:25 · answer #7 · answered by skeeter195848 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fact of the matter is, he is still the father of your kids. So, you guys need to come to an understanding that the kids have nothing to do with your divorce. The divorce is between you & your ex, so there is no reason why you should not allow him to talk to his kids.
Divorce is complicated enough, you do not need to make it more complicated, by refusing to let him speak to his kids. He should understand too, that he has obligations to your kids, so he should make an effort to provide some kind of support.
2007-06-27 23:36:21 · answer #8 · answered by always51787 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have proof of child abuse/neglect, he has EVERY right to see his kids and you have NO right to prevent him from doing so, no matter how much you can't stand him. That's for the kids to decide, without you interfering.
He can also file for partial, joint or full custody. Instead of dealing with that in court, you and him need to come up with a custody arrangement and get it approved in court.
2007-06-27 23:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by brotherb95 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no way for a biological parent to waive his rights. The court will always grant him that right. He probably waived his custody right, which is very different than access.
You cannot deny him access to his kids. Otherwise, you will have to make big concessions for visitations.
2007-06-27 23:36:46 · answer #10 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋