Unsuccessful Sexual Intercourse :-(?

Question

I am a male of 29 yrs, my wife is about 26 years.
We got married last week, the problem is I am unable to penetrate my wife’s vagina. She screams even if I put a finger inside, she tells me it causes her immense pain. Tough we have tried a lot, I was unsuccessful in the penetrating. There is no problem with my erection, and my size is a normal one. I have also tried foreplay, and sexually arousing her before sex, that too was of no good. It seems her vagina is small. After talking to her regarding the issue, I have discovered she is a bit afraid of sex (she comes from a very small town), afraid that it might lead to tremendous bleeding.

I have heard, something about cracked vagina’s, can any one tell me about the same.

Is there any medicine available, which could be of any help to me/us. Is there any way, we could make love to each other. This is really very important as I think she is getting depressed day by day, and I love her a lot.

Thank you, for your time.

Answer 1

First of all, I want to say that I think it's really awesome how concerned you are for your wife and how she feels. It's good that you're trying to get her aroused before sex...definitely keep doing that, as it might help her to relax more and not experience as much pain.

Keep trying to use your finger to stretch her out inside. Start with just the tip of your finger (or however much she can handle comfortably) and keep sliding your finger in until she says stop. You might also try just using the tip of your finger to gently make a circular motion inside...this might help stretch out her muscles.

Also, try using lube (like K-Y jelly) on your finger when trying to stretch out her muscles. It'll make your finger slide in easier and it may not hurt her as much.

There are sex toys available that might help stretch her out inside as well. Go to a sex shop and ask about them, or if you're not comfortable with that, check around online.

If she doesn't know this already, reassure her that it is totally normal for sex to hurt a woman the first few times, but it DOES get better. Also reassure her that bleeding is normal too, although a lot of women don't bleed the first time they have sex. If she's really concerned about bleeding a lot, put a towel down on the bed, that way she won't worry about making a mess. Maybe she feels embarrassed about these things? Reassure her that you love her and will take care of her and that she doesn't need to worry about being embarrassed in front of you.

Sex doesn't have to be just about intercourse only. Experiment with kissing and touching and finding out what really turns both of you on. That's very intimate and again, it might relax her enough so she won't feel so anxious. Try oral sex if you haven't already.

If you two are really truly concerned something's wrong from a medical standpoint, she can see her gynocologist and ask questions , be examined, and possibly have a procedure done to open her up more.

Most importantly though, just keep talking to each other about your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. A lot of times, sexual problems come down to psychological issues, such as being anxious or worried about something. Reassure her that you love her and that you're there for her. Like I said before, it sounds like you really care about how she's feeling and that's great.

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

Great Answers and a knowledge stream is building.

First as suggested a family doctor or a gynecologist should be consulted if, when and as soon as possible.
There are cases when the pelvis and the muscles need to be stretched and they have a medical tool that can make this happen. The doctor will also give a general exam and provide assurance to your wife and you for great beginnings and family planning.

Remember that if you are planning a family pre-natal health of the parents is as important as post-natal health!

To build comfort in the area of sex, take it easy and get to know each other. Perhaps move to fore play and oral sex and then onward to penetration take a few weeks or months if that is what it takes, you have your whole life to enjoy each other after the proper beginning. Don't force any issues just work gently toward the mutual goal of mutual enjoyment.

Slow and easy is the ticket.

Enjoy each other emotionally and the physical part will come along over time and take you to perfection.

Make happy memories they are the most endearing and long lasting!

Answer 3

Indians raise their daughters without any exposure to sexual material.. This explains your predicament.. I can understand what your wife is going through.. As I am an Indian girl too.. And the mere thought of having sexual intercourse with someone someday freaks me out!!.. But, do not lose your patience.. Take things slowly and lightly for beginners..

Btw, was yours an arranged marriage?.. Maybe, she needs to spend more time getting to know you to feel less uptight about having an intercourse with you..

Personally, I cannot imagine letting a stranger get inside of me!

Answer 4

I'm guessing that she is a virgin? Well, it could be that she's so afraid of sex that she's clamping her vaginal muscles shut and causing herself a great deal of anxiety and pain... She should go and see a doctore/therapist in regards to such a problem.. It's good to know that you are supporting her and trying your best to be gentle and loving.. Just stay that way and seek help for her.. There are other ways you can both express your love for each other.. Experiment with that idea and try another time when she is more relaxed...I have never heard of a cracked vagina, I don't think that exists-frigid perhaps, but not cracked. It's not a nut ! Have her see an obgyn and make sure that everything is ok for her and her body is all right... Good luck and be well

Answer 5

sexual encounter for the first time which gives pain to both the partners is common.u may suffer till 3 to 4 times.
try the position of women on the top.because a women can have a break.also try some gels.
in case of the size of the vagina,u should consult a sexologist or a gynaeologist.for concieving,have sex alternate daysbecause it may help.but don't put u'r finger etc. if it gives pain.

Answer 6

Is your wife still a virgin? I don't mean to make light of your situation by any means, but that would easily explain the pain. Have your tried special lubrication? She may have to consult her gynecologist for medical advice as something else could be happening. If she is really timid about sex, she may be tensing her vaginal muscles while you are trying to penetrate her which would cause her an incredible amount of pain. It's important that she relaxes her vaginal muscles.

Good luck to you both!

Answer 7

First this happens with most of the newly married couples. So don't worry. You should talk to her and dont try having sex if she is scared. First you should try to gain her trust and than make her understand about sex.

If she is having any of her friend who is married will solve the problem because she will trust her friends experience.

All the best and remember "Try and try and you will suceed"
;-)

Answer 8

Vaginismus is an uncontrollable contraction of the muscles around the vaginal wall, and can cause extreme pain with penetration.

it's best she asks this question to her Gynocologist, there are treatments, but not all causes are physical in nature, and may be due to an underlying mental or psychological issue.

No way for us to tell, find a good gynocologist for her to talk to about it.

Being sexually abused as a child is also correlated with this, but not always. (even in instances of repressed memories) so this may not be an easy issue to deal with if she has experienced this in her small town.

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Also, in all seriousness, maybe buy her a vibrator (marital aid) that she can use with you or by herself. Usually they are for direct clitoral stimulation, but if she can get comfortable with experiencing pleasure without penetration, you could be well on the road to a relaxed wife who is capable of enjoying intercourse.
FYI: most women only orgasm with clitoral stimulation & not through penetration, only a very very very small percentage of women are capable of orgasm without clitoral stimulation.
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I just saw that SugaLips mentioned there will be bleeding, which is not necessarily true. The hymen comes in many forms, most of which are not solid & can be "broken" by many non-sexual activities.

Answer 9

Take sex slow. If shes scared then just start with other things down there if u know what i mean i think shes not screaming bcz shes in pain but shes in fear that it might hurt. My gf was scared bcz she thoughed it would hurt alot when it broke her hemyn(sp) but at her age she probly doesnt have one anyway. Rember you dont have to have sex for her to know u love her let her know that u know shes scared and u will wait for her hope everything goes okay!

Answer 10

foreplay, lubrication,arousal are only workable when you are friendly and tension free. you can try 69 position/ oral.it may give her little freedom.if this does not work go to a doc for check up/ counselling.