deal with a very controlling, dominating man who flips out if you even mention certain things and wants to argue to the death until you give in and let him have his way. How do you help teach him to communicate properly and compromise??? Please help. And no, I won't leave him! I love him.
2007-06-27 15:16:10 · 25 answers · asked by Renesme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
decide if you wanna live this way and get use to it.. hes not going to change
go jr go
2007-06-27 15:22:06 · answer #1 · answered by txO3blueeyes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard one because once someone is controlling it is hard for them to stop. What I have learned over the years is people who try to control others feel they have no control over their own life. Maybe if you sit him down and tell him how you feel and do it with this is the way I feel then he won't become so defensive like they usually do. When we use the word you, them will usually shut down at that point and it is useless to talk to them. Just hang in there and let him know your not going to be controlled and that compromising is the best for both of you. Sometimes even give more than inch so he thinks he is still having some of that control. I wish you the best.
2007-06-27 15:26:17 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love this question. You two never established rules to fighting. Polite and respectfully don't stand for it. Tell him No yelling No name calling, no threats, When an issue comes up that's all he's allowed to argue about, not bringing up past arguments. Don't let him control you or treat you in a way in which you don't want to be treated. Polite and respectful.
Now here's your problem, like a kid, you can't just jump in at age 14 and make them straighten up. Your husband has been doing this the whole time, I don't think you're going to change him. Good Luck
2007-06-27 15:33:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't teach anyone anything they don't want to learn. It may just be in his personality to behave the way he does, or perhaps he has issues outside the relationship that he takes out on you. Either way, he has to see it as a problem or it will never change. I can only suggest counseling. Either together, or alone if he won't go. If you go alone at least you will learn some coping skills on how to deal with his methods of communicating and his inability to compromise.
2007-06-27 15:22:01 · answer #4 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess even Hitler had a wife who "loved him".
In game theory, you have biased the situation by giving him the upper hand no matter what. You cannot teach such a person how to communicate because he will argue over you as you already said. There is no penalty (leaving him or sufficient threats) if he doesn't cooperate. In short, you cannot win in this game and you write the rules.
2007-06-27 15:23:08 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it about him that you love, exactly? Is it the way he treats you with respect as an equal partner and human being? The way you respect his character and behavior?
If you think there's something under all of this bluster & controlling behavior - a loving man who respects you just waiting to get out, acting all rude as a cover for fears... Maybe you can write you feelings out to him in a letter, full of understanding and very real suggestions for change, opening up a variety of communication choices for him in a non-threatening way.
2007-06-27 16:04:04 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If leaving is out of the question, and he won't go to counseling for his temper and nothing else bring him to his sense then the answer is stay and take it accept him the way he is and that is it... If you love him so much that you would put his needs in front of yours, your peace of mind your happiness and trade that for his endless arguments and childish behavior then more power to you.. but don't forget this FOR EVER is a long time..and your life and well being is only a one time deal. make your bed hard then you have to lay in it.. good luck.
2007-06-27 15:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is you only want to hear what you want to hear and not the truth. The truth is, you will never be happy with this man. He won't change without extensive long term therapy. prefably without being with you. You are co-dependent and living in an abusive relationship. Unless you leave him you better just get used to it. It will get a lot worse!
2007-06-27 15:41:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You either do it your way and totally ignore what he is saying, or put up with his behaviour. You will never change him as it is deeply embedded in him. Maybe if he says he needs help, then you might have a chance of changing him, but until then forget it. I myself wouldn't put up with it as I hate arguing. A healthy relationship is one where both parties make the decisions. Cheers and good luck.
2007-06-27 15:48:21 · answer #9 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aaaaw. wow! u love him. that's wonderful.
My hubby is like that. I quit surfin just for him. Didnt got to get anuther degree becoz he thinks i'm more needed at home. Can't go to cousin's bday coz- it's too late. etc...
I went through it for 6 years and I finally called it quits 2 nights ago. My mum & sis- in-law came running to me- telling me i should have told them coz he doesn't listen to anyone but his family. They said I should have done it in years so I wouldnt end up bottled up inside this way.
So why don't you trying telling his mom the problem. See what it can do. Take care. :)
2007-06-27 15:27:17 · answer #10 · answered by mama_prito 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he needs to argue fair and accept compromise. If he doesn't then he doesn't want a relationship or partnership, he wants an employee.
2007-06-27 15:23:04 · answer #11 · answered by gam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋