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My first child was an emergency c-section my second was planned. I feel like I wasn't able to give birth and it's caused me a lot of sadness. I have feelings of being a failure and less of a person sometimes. When I hear of other people having natural births I feel envious and sad that my experience was so traumatic. Has anyone that has had a c-section experienced these types of feelings? If so how did you work through them?

2007-06-27 13:53:44 · 18 answers · asked by Q&A 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnancy

To give birth "naturally" is what I meant.

2007-06-27 14:00:13 · update #1

18 answers

Honey don't fret about this. You are no less of a person. You did what you needed to do to get that precious little life out of you safe and sound. I have no had a c-section and I don't know if I will need one or not for the baby I am carrying but my mom had to have 2 emergency c sections and never got to experience natural birth either. She said sometimes she felt bad that she couldn't have my sister or I naturally but each time she looked at us all the guilt that she felt or anything that made her feel lesser of herself went away. Just think that this is what needed to be done to make sure those babies got here safe. Your no less of a person your a bigger person for making sure those babies got here safely. Think of some women that are selfish and don't really care about how their babies get here and such and the women who abandon their children and have them naturally, they are the women that should feel the way you do.

2007-06-27 14:01:07 · answer #1 · answered by Torey♥ 5 · 2 0

I too had a emergency c-section with my first child, I was not prepared as I wanted to be. being that I read all the books and watched shows on natural birth , I felt so cheated out of my first birth, because I'd heard of great experience natural birth was (minus the pain) .But then I realized that 48hrs of labor and 2 hrs of pushing later, that I don't think i Would've handled a natural birth it was just meant to be for the c-section. But I did make it up to myself and my child by breastfeeding, there such a connection that comes from that alone you won't even feel bad about missing the natural birth part , the nursing bond last much longer. But I did have a little postpartum depression for about a week if you feel you need to talk to someone or just want to find someone to relate to you maybe you can try some of the online forums that are available on the topic. Hope this helps Good Luck!

2007-06-27 14:15:43 · answer #2 · answered by fatimah b 1 · 0 0

My issues had more to do with how I was treated. After years have passed, it is clear that the c-section wasn't optional. How it was done was (vertical instead of the low-cut) as well as the poor treatment I received later. I'm thankful that the hospital was closed two years later; they treated poor patients terribly! I did not feel that I did not give birth, so I can't really see where you are coming from. I do know that with other experiences, it takes a long time to grieve over a lost experience. Imagine being a close second in the Olympics? For me, it was finding out that, even with good treatment, the result would have been the same. Before that, I really felt screwed and angry.

A VBAC for me was a riskier option, but still an option until I developed another medical problem. No longer an option, now, of course.

2007-06-27 14:23:07 · answer #3 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 0 0

Its sad that your first child had to be a c-section but my guess is your second c-section was because your previous pregnancy required a c-section. My mother is a midwife and about half of her clients are women whos first and or second pregnancies required a c-section for whatever reason. These woman go back to the hospital only to be told that they are going to have to have another c-section because their uterus will not be able to take the pressure... This is untrue my mom has delivered numerous babies that were in that situation and everything turned out fine. It is not your fault that this happened and you just need to keep that in mind. If you ever become pregnant again I would consider having a homebirth where you will be able to make more of your own decisions and no one will force you into anything unless it is a real threat to you or your baby. Don't feel bad! You still have your two beautiful children!

2007-06-27 14:43:57 · answer #4 · answered by Visio 2 · 1 0

Why get down on yourself about it? You didn't fail anywhere. You gave birth to two healthy babies, just in a different way. You couldn't help that you had a c-section both times, especially with the first one. You had to do what you had to do to make sure your babies were born healthy, and that you made it out okay. Think on this: In the days before c-sections, even emergency ones, both mother and baby would die. So you didn't fail *at all*. You did the greatest thing you could for your babies. You did what was necessary to keep both of you healthy and alive. You *did* give birth, and you have the two beautiful kids to prove it. You're no less of a mother. If anything, it solidifies your mama-bearness because you sacrificed how you wanted to give birth for your babies well-being.

I don't know if this helps, but it's all true.

Try going to Babycenter.com. (http://www.babycenter.com) They have a Disappointing Births support board.

2007-06-27 14:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by alimagmel 5 · 1 0

I had a natural birth and enjoyed it, but in my birthing class I learned about this. Don't feel guilty or bad about your experience. Everybody's is different. The bottom line is as long as you got a healthy and happy baby out of it it was successful. You are fortunate enough to have two, that makes me envious of you! I feel that women who have had c-sections (or even just epidurals) are a hell of a lot braver than I was, half of the reason I didn't want either is because I was too scared. . . .Stop regretting it, there is nothing you can do about it now. Be grateful for your two little ones!

2007-06-27 13:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by new SA mama 3 · 1 0

i know everybody has different expectations of how they will deliver. maybe for you since it was an emergency you never had the time or the possible thought of having a c-section. and that has stuck with you even into your 2nd c-section, even though it was planned.

i can't say much to help you. i had a planned c-section with my daughter since she was breech. i had over 2 weeks to come to terms with it. now that she is out i don't regret it. and with my 2nd if i do become pregnant later on, i plan on a c-section if possible. with some people there is a stigma to c-sections and they label women who have one as a failure and i very much disagree with that. and i will state that to anyody who tells me otherwise. we were the ones carrying a precious being for 9 months, we felt them move, we endured morning sickness(some didn't-lucky ones), basically we endured the same things versus those who delivered vaginally. but we have to tolerate major surgery. we have to be strong in that sense for recovery. but it doesn't matter how the baby came out just as long as mother and child are safe. which if you think back, thats why a c-section more likely was required, for you and your babys safety. you're not less of a women. you're a women with battle scars to show what she brought into this world.

2007-06-27 14:09:30 · answer #7 · answered by LaRae L 4 · 1 0

I had an emergancy c-section with my first child, my second was planed to be a vaginal birth but due to distress that he was in I desided it was best to go forword with a c-section. I had a hard time accepting my first c-section sometimes I still have a hard time dealing with it about both kids. But you need to look at them and realize that they are here your a mom and that how they come into the world isnt as important as the fact that they are here, and that you carried them for all thoes long never ended weeks of pregnacy.

2007-06-27 14:02:47 · answer #8 · answered by Kotori 2 · 1 0

i had an emergency c-section with my first, i plan on doing a vbac next though... i really think i could have delivered naturally the first time, i was 31 weeks and she was breech and i wasn't well informed, but i am sure she could have fit through as a breech, and i am pissed that that wasn't even an option. if my dr wont do a vbac next time i will find a new dr.
sorry, but you did have those babies, even though it wasn't vaginal you still carried them the nine months then had to heal from the surgeries (which sucks) don't feel down or cheated you got your babies in the end which is the most important thing... but yeah ive been through it too

2007-06-27 14:00:38 · answer #9 · answered by karateJenn 5 · 1 0

I worked through it by being glad that the c-section got my son out quickly and safely, even though it wasn't the way I wanted my birth to be. The most important thing is a healthy baby.

I also got pregnant again and had a successfull VBAC - Vaginal Birth After Cesaerean. I've had 2 successful VBACS now.

You DID deliver your babies, no matter how they came out. And remember, you also cared for them and nurtured them in your body for 9 months. How can you view this as failure? You are doing great, mom!

2007-06-27 14:01:01 · answer #10 · answered by Veritas 7 · 3 0

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