This is something that should have an easy answer but its actually more complicated than it seems. Thankfully this doesn't pertain to me but this seems to be a big problem for a lot of people. The question on the table is, if one spouse totally loses all sex drive (for whatever reason) and only has sex with their spouse a few times a year or never, although its quite unfair to the other spouse is it a basis and "ok" if the spouse-going-without has affairs to satisfy their libido? This always seems to be the cheating man's mantra "I don't get it at home", and some women too, and although its unfair to withhold sexual favors, its not right to cheat either. So what's a person to do? The vows clearly state 'for better or for worse' and having completely opposite sex drives is definitely a bummer but is it an excuse for cheating? I'm kind've on the fence about it personally. I would go w/o or do for myself but if this were a permanent situation, then I just don't know.
2007-06-27 12:37:27 · 46 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Great question.
My answer is, No. It is never ok to cheat. Cheating isn't just a breach of the physical relationship, it damages and often destroys the trust relationship. If you cheat, from that point on your marriage is a lie. Your partner no longer knows who you are. You will lie to hide your secrets and those lies will require lies.
I believe the best approach is to talk to your spouse about all of the options. Medical problems, psychological problems, relationship counseling, and sexual partners outside the marriage. If none of those resolve the issue or are acceptable options in the marriage, then it's time to decide how happy you can remain in a marriage with little or no sexual contact. I guess I figure it comes down to respecting your partner as a person and loved one.
2007-06-27 13:19:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
" If the marriage is on the rocks, the rocks are probably in the bed"
I think over time as a couple we condition eachother, and there comes a point when we read eachother. Body language, and commits play a roll in the conditioning. You know of you partner is wanting sex or not, if she/he doesn't you get the signs and back off, after a while everything the other person does becomes a sign. Along with that is the signs could be real, you may have done something to anger the other person.
Now having said that, when does cheating become OK is the question. In some situations it could be OK. If everything else is OK and you have kids you don't want to drag through a messy divorce. Why not have a discrete thing on the side? Over all I would say no to cheating. But understand how it gets to that point. Good Luck
2007-06-27 12:52:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Imagine you owned Ford Motor Company and you made a deal with Pennsylvania Steel to provide your raw steel. The contract stated that you could only buy your steel from Penn. Steel. - A few years into your contract, Penn. Steel decides that they will only deliver steel a few times a year but you clearly need more steel than that or you can't build your cars and your life is hell.
Would you consider this act a breach of contract? The Court system does...
What if a man decides a few years into a marriage that he no longer wants to provide an income by working five days a week. He decides that he will only work 1 day a month... or less... would a woman stay with a guy like that... it does fall under the 'better or worse' category...
I believe that a sexless marriage IS 'infidelity' and is a divorcable offense.
I say... if she doesn't put out... sleeping around is 'for worse' too. So she can just put up with 'for worse'!
2007-06-27 13:24:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The quick answer is NO, work on your primary relationship. Find a good middle ground to have both partners needs met. However, if the marriage is truely barren, one should discuss whether its really beneficial to stay together.
If a couple decides they want to stay together, then it gets really tricky. Does one spouse ask for an open relationship to get their needs met?
Its easy to say use your hand / a toy / or porn, but its not the same as connecting with another human.
I would say that its best to divorce, but if one spouse (an over genrealization - but usually would eb the wife) refuses sex and is unwilling to divorce (or would just take all your assets and sue for child support, etc....) then I don't see that the other person has much of a choice.
Its definately got to be an action of last resort - as it is the WMD to a marriage.
2007-06-27 12:49:45 · answer #4 · answered by aa889d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not ok. If you go look for someone else then it just means your spouse doesn't satisfy you. Still that is not a reason to cheat, if you are in a relationship with that person then it's never alright to cheat on them. They have feelings so the best thing is talk to the other person and telling them what you feel. It's not alright to cheat because if you are married to that person then you decided that you were going to be happy with him/her. Cheating won't solve things, you will just want more and eventually leave your spouse. Hope that answers your question!
2007-06-27 12:42:37 · answer #5 · answered by Foryou42 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are things worse than 'till death do you part'. There is the perception that one is being used. Not abused, but a lingering pattern of functionality that does not include affection or love, or sex. Sorta like being the spouse because one can drive at night. A person who is naturally loyal can have it thrown in their face, you're best being used as a weapon by a callous mate. Running around is not the answer. Divorce is. Get out. It's the only way to keep your head on straight.
2007-06-27 12:53:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is no sex and no love then break up and you can see who you want. If there is love but just no sex then cheating will only lead to hurting the one you love and if you are willing to do that then you are not worth loving. These things happen for so many reasons (after having babies from personal experience) and you have to deal with it as long as you can giving the person time. When you can't deal with it anymore is the time to discuss it and try to work it out. If you can't work it out you go get counseling and try to fix it. If that doesn't work you TRY AGAIN! Marriage takes work--cheating may seem like a quick fix but it can ruin your love and nothing is worth that is it?
2007-06-27 14:31:36 · answer #7 · answered by supermom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough one. Cheating is cheating regardless. It's not cheating if the couple has an understanding. Like go ahead, but just don't come home and tell me about it. Sex should not be the center point of a relationship. If one thinks they need to stray, maybe they need to stay single and stop wasting the other person's time.
2007-06-27 12:43:26 · answer #8 · answered by laid back brainstormer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very high sex drive and a incredibly beautiful partner of 6 years until 6 months ago we rarely had sex (about twice a month for about 2 years) and though I think it is so wrong to cheat I came really close many times.It was the toughest time of my life but we got through it and I am happy I never weakened as I would have had to live with my guilt forever..If you love your partner/wife you are not only cheating but are letting yourself down..so my answer is dint do it as its NOT OK
2007-06-27 12:55:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...that's a great question. there is no excuse for cheating and cheating is wrong, but honestly....i think if my husband only wanted to have sex with me once or twice a year, then i would cheat, so i guess i just wouldn't make any excuse for it and i would be wrong because i would be a cheater! jeez....imagine all the times a person with a regular sex drive would be turned down in a relationship with a person who didn't want to have sex. i mean everyone has a breaking point, right?
2007-06-27 13:34:29 · answer #10 · answered by VW Girl :o) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋