He isn't working because he " can't find a job. " I have noticed that his hygiene is getting bad, he showers every few days but usually only because I ask him to. I cook, I clean, I do it all and when I ask him to do something simple like rinse his dirty glass out before he puts it in the dishwasher, he gets an attitude. He says I nag him too much but I don't feel that I nag nearly enough. He also wonders why I don't want to have sex with him well, this ISN'T the man that I married. He's changed for the worse. I can't have sex with him when I am apalled by his laziness. What should I do?
2007-06-27 10:56:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
MY JOB? Since when is it my JOB to do everything for him with him not doing his part? I thought marriage was a partnership?!?
I suspected depression but he says no. He's tired all the time and when he does get a job, he doesn't keep it. *sigh* I don't know what to do. I don't know if he would even agree to go to the doctors.
I tried leaving him about a year ago when the same thing started happening but I ended up giving in and he learned nothing since well, we're back in the same boat.
2007-06-27 11:10:56 · update #1
I can perfectly understand where you are standing now in your married life. But it's always easier said than done. What about those holy vows taken in church/temple or mosque for that matter?
He's still the same man you married only that his habits are little different than they were when the two of you married. I am married for 23 years now and off and on jobs because I cannot find a good job. My wife has a good job so this helps me a lot in financial ways. Sounds like your husband has some kind of depression. I was depressed one time and did not wanted any help. So chances are he would not like to go and see his doctor. First make him believe that no matter what you will never leave him. This assurance will get better of him and he will be a believer in you.
Make some changes in your life styles. Invite his mom, brothers/sisters or friends for that matter. Are there kids in your life? Involve his friends and rescue your honey as time and tides wait for none. Take this as a challenge and do something to change all this. You will be glad you did.
Good luck and may God bless you - Hope this helps.
2007-06-27 11:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by salimdist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of "nagging" him...like he says.
Really sit down and talk to him about how you re feeling. If he really cares about you and your relationship, he will listen and make the effort.
and if it doesn't change, give him am ultimatum.
Change or you might have to move out for awhile. If you can't live like that, you shouldn't!
I think if he understands how important this is to you, he will make the effort.
and if in the end... he makes no effort to try.. then I would say he doesn't really care and you deserve much better.
Much luck!
2007-06-27 11:02:02 · answer #2 · answered by lifeiscake 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hang in there as long as you can, get some counseling, and let him know that he is not the same man that you married.
try to explain that the clock is running and that you will run out of patience if he will not come to grips with his short
comings. i have been married for 35 years and have seen this happen many times and it is always the same, men with no job have no self esteem and if they don't get a handle on it quick they just drift and soon they are left behind.
2007-06-27 11:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by Constipated CON. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy does this sound familiar.my son is also lazy like your husband.And nagging just makes it worst.As far as the sex is concerned with your husband.There is nothing romantic about body odor.you shouldn't have to tell him to clean up.Maybe we can go on Dr. Phill and let him have a go at it.You are not alone.
2007-06-27 11:24:06 · answer #4 · answered by sharen d 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering if he has every worked and if you he has held down a job for a long period of time. It could be depression and it could be that he is used to you doing all the work. Either way, it needs to be addressed. Good Luck to you.
2007-06-27 11:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about those vows you took , for better or worse, you are getting some of the worse right now. you didn't think about the worse when you were saying them. you thought , I can handle it. they usually don't bring jobs to the front door, what is he doing to find a job? and why should he, you signed on for this when you married, if you move on, that makes you a liar. if you use that age old excuse that god doesn't want you to be unhappy, then why doesn't god kill your husband, he gave him life he can certainly kill him if you are suffering that much. pray for his death is about the best you can do.
2007-06-27 11:09:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how upsetting this maybe to you. Your Husband has all the signs of depression. You should have a heart to heart with him and tell him you are worried and that you think he maybe suffering from depression. He is denies it than I would lay it on the line to him. I would let him know that you will no longer tolerate his being lazy......Good Luck!
2007-06-27 11:03:06 · answer #7 · answered by benzmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get a hotel for the weekend and tell him to change his was or im leaving and give him untill fri night, if he does then is kool but if he blows you off then on fri night tell him your leaving and get in the car and go to the hotel!!!
he will freak and be on his hands and knees then only go back if he signs a piece of paper saying that he will help out and not be a pig
2007-06-27 11:02:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI,
Dial 1- 800- GO-NINJA, And they'll take care of the
Problem, Quickly!!!
P.S. It's Time To Find Someone NEW!!!
2007-06-27 11:15:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be lazy, depression. He needs a job, hobbies, friends, has he worked before ? try the same field.
2007-06-27 11:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋