A hot temper. I don't lose my temper where I start throwing things or anything like that, but my wife says that when we argue she says I get hot. Hot like where I argue heavily for stupid things. It is ruining our marriage. How do I recognize this and control it?
2007-06-27 09:19:15 · 25 answers · asked by Mike 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No my wife's name is not Kim. And my wife usually does not let me leave the room. she says "there you go turning your back on me and leaving again" It is not that easy to just leave the room.
2007-06-27 09:32:10 · update #1
Only one way for this, and you don't want to hear it, but yes, you have to go to counseling. There's no easy fix.
2007-06-27 09:22:56 · answer #1 · answered by John B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling may help you out, if it really is ruining your marriage. You could get some coping techniques.
In the meantime, when you're calm, ask your wife specifically what it is that she defines as "hot." Do you yell? Do you slam doors? What is it that you do that's so horrible to her? Once you know, you can start to work on it. While you're calm, have her agree to allow you to leave the room in the middle of an argument, no questions asked, for some cooling down time. Once you've collected your thoughts (this will be good for her too) go back and talk to her again.
Start putting this into practice (walking away when you're angry) and you should notice a difference pretty soon. At the same time, your wife should agree to be helping you. So if you leave an argument to cool down, she should agree not to follow you, not to yell insults after you, etc.
Good luck
I just read your extra details. She will have to compromise with you on this. Tell her you're not turning your back on her, leaving her, etc. you just need some time to collect your thoughts. She has to see the importance of this. If she wants you to get ahold of your temper, then she needs to support the ways you go about it. Perhaps you two would really benefit from a counselor. Often a mediator or outside opinion really helps
2007-06-27 09:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look my ex was a really angry man sometimes I would be scared he hurt me just by his reactions, yelling and anger when he's mad. He would get angry for everything because he was very jealous and controlling. Now he is my ex, it was too hard I would tell him how he act, he say he'll do better but it would happen over and over. The problem was bigger than us, I don't think he ever realized he had a problem. Then I was becoming an angry mean person as well towards him. I think you have realize you do have a temper, because you said it now the next step is having the courage to go to couseling or therapy be honest accept it and learn to control it. Good luck
2007-06-27 09:36:54 · answer #3 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
men say that their wives are nags but what you fail to realize they nag at you because men do not listen to them maybe when you lose your cool look into your wife's heart and ask yourself is your temper which is just emotions that YOU have to deal with, worth ruining your relationship? I am sure if you think about that for a while you will work on CONTROLLING YOUR TEMPER/it is not your wife's temper why does she have to deal with it and get a heartbreak with fear for your emotions it is not right so before you lose your family because it does get old act like a mature men and love and protect your family and give your wife the respect that you want her to give you do you think your wife wants to lose her home, husband of cause not so every thing is not about you you you when you realize that hopefully it won"t be to late to mend your relationship love and kindness go allot further than emotional abuse
2007-06-27 09:57:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe she could be a little more passionate about something herself. Out of the love you feel for her I would say to try to curb this behavior if it upsets her but as your wife she should understand your passion for the stupid things. You will both find yourselves very hot tempered when you let this ruin your marriage and have to hire attorneys. Best Wishes
2007-06-27 09:31:13 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Candi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Figure out what the basis is for all of your fights- there is almost always a deeper reasoning behind everything! Next time you have a fight, think to yourself- is this really worth my time & worth ruining my relationship over? That should make you want to calm down & think more clearly. When you are married sometimes we tend to treat the other worse than we would a best friend. Keep in mind- your spouse is your best friend & you should only want the best for that person. In fact, you should want the best for that person above all of your wants/needs. If you consider that during a fight, I'm sure your thinking will change soon.
Figure out what is making you so angry- you need to be able to confront what is making you angry to question its worth. Ask yourself- is it really worth all the punishment and heartache? Your answer should be no.
2007-06-27 09:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by broper1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend seeking Anger Management therapy from a qualified professional therapist in your area. Such a temper is generally tied to certain aspects of yourself that a therapist can help you get to the root of, so that you can be aware of your 'triggers' and be wary of them.
I tried for years to get the 'quick-fix solution' to what everyone around me called a temper but what I called 'impassioned speaking.' They were years of denial. Help your family and yourself by seeing a counselor soon.
2007-06-27 09:25:11 · answer #7 · answered by gamesmaster_209 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop and listen. That means sit down, cool off, be quite and listen to what the other person has on their mind. She needs to do this too. You can't solve an argument if you are screaming and hollering while the other person is screaming and hollering at you. You are probably provoking each other.
After your wife tells you something, repeat what she has said. (Example; You are angry because you feel that I need to pick up my dirty clothes instead of you.) This will tell her that you heard her statements. Not especially that you agree. When you do this then, the other person is willing to listen to you and your thoughts.
Don't say "you always------". Instead say "I feel". Keep your thoughts and answers about yourself instead of the other person. (Example; I feel misunderstood because I forgot to pick up my dirty clothes and I really didn't indend for you to pick them up.)
It's OK to say "when you--------, I feel (hurt, disrespected, unloved, unimportant, and etc.)."
Hope this helps. It works for me. And of course, you won't always win. The important thing is to honor and respect each other.
2007-06-27 09:51:30 · answer #8 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
videotape good idea .only the reason hot temper ruining your marriage.but you need to know why you lose your temper ?whats make you do that?find out that what you really don't like.but reason of that don't even think to damage your marriage.not to easy,but its not too hard either.you can fix it.if you really care about each other.
2007-06-27 09:40:31 · answer #9 · answered by Smita P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness, are you my husband actually seeking the advice of others on this finally?
I dont know, but if you get a good answer let me know, id love to fix it for my husband too. Its exhausting to argue with a man like that.
2007-06-27 09:26:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
pick your battles..let the little things go..you should be able to tell when you are getting more worked up and should tell her you need a few minutes to calm down and walk away before discussing the issue again..it's not going to be easy, but you can ask her for help in recognizing it
2007-06-27 10:00:42 · answer #11 · answered by sportsfanstl1 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋