What's the best dating advice for a new divorcee?

Question

I'm making an assumption I'll likely connect with another person that's divorced, right? Quite frankly I'm terrified about dating, starting over again etc....Perhaps I'm looking for words of wisdom from other divorcees. Is there still a "stigma" attached when you tell someone you're divorced?

Answer 1

Wait at least 6 months to date again. No matter how lonely you get. Make sure that you wait long enough to make rational decisions.

Go to singles dances and activities, but just don't date until you are completely over your first spouse. I think the biggest mistake a divorcee makes, is jumping into a new relationship to quickly. 2nd marriages have higher divorce rates- I think that is because too many people marry again out of loneliness.

Take the time to enjoy being single and get over your ex before you get involved in a new relationship. Then make sure you marry for the right reasons.

George Strate has a great song- "She let herself Go" I have adopted that as my theme song. As much as I can afford it. I have my George Strate checklist- you know- by a brand new car, go to Vegas once, Go on a Singles Cruise, Go to honolulu. I want to do as much of that as I can afford to do. Really Just live your life and have fun. Enjoy being single. When the time is right- a relationship will come. I have been divorced for about 2 1/2 years. I went on my first date about 6 months after the divorce was final. I started seeing a guy about 9 months ago, we have just taken it slow and only recently started seriously dating. I have really gotten to be his friend and that is the best way.

Learn what you can from your first marriage, so that you don't repeat the mistakes of the past.

Oh and I know it is hard, but don't tell them you are divorced right away. Don't whine about your dumb ex. It makes you look needy and like you are trying to get attention. As for the stigma, I was really worried about that especially at church. I was amazed how kind everyone was to me. When I went to Church without him at about the third week, people started asking me where he was (he sometimes worked on Sundays- so it took them a while to miss him). When I told them they always said they were sorry to hear that, some would say I was better off, but most said they were sorry and was there anything they could do. I also found it surprising how many people I knew who told me they had been divorced and were on their second marriages. I guess I found that I am not alone.

Answer 2

First, the real answer you probably don't want to hear: That is: "don't". Divorce is like a death, and it takes a long time to properly grieve for this death. It's the death of a relationship. It takes time not only to get over the divorce and the other person, it also takes time to figure out what went wrong, why you made a wrong choice.

Once you've figured it all out (it usually takes a full 12 months, or longer), then yes, go ahead and date.

Yes, there is a little stigma attached and yes, some will see you as 'damaged goods' while others will think of you as an easy mark or easy prey. But, generally, people will see you as you are and dating can be a wonderful experience. I went through a divorce, dated both divorced people and non-divorced people, and I loved it ... and got married too soon, to the wrong person, for the wrong reasons, because I didn't follow my own advice above ...

Answer 3

Fortunately there is no stigma around divorced anymore. Sad as it is, there are a lot of divorcees out there. You might end up with a divorcee but you might not. Its not the biggest issue out there. I would tell your date that you are divorced, not hide it. It's much harder to explain down the line how you could have forgotten to mention it. It she is worth being around, she'll like you whether you are divorced, seperated or single. Get on with your life and get out there. Hard as it is. Good Luck

Answer 4

What I learned along the way is it's best to put the past behind you. Try to avoid talking about your previous relationship. But if you are asked, especially by a woman, the question may be a test for her to see if you're really over it. Careful what you say, and HOW you say it.

True, by thirty everyone has their baggage. Some drag around more of it than others, and some drag it even into a new relationship. It's hard to forget the things you may feel you have learned about the opposite sex, but you must avoid making comparisons at all cost, especially verbal observations.

That leads to my final point, and I think it is probably most important. Listen closely to what your date talks about that first time out. If you listen closely enough to what the other is saying, they will often say more about themselves than even they realize. If I was out with a woman and she, after a few drinks, started talking about how mean she was to her ex recently, I take it as a warning. Sure, he might be a jerk, but if one day she decides I am a jerk too, I've already learned about how she deals with a person with whom she's angry.

And men, stupid ones, make the same mistake. Talk about now. Talk about the future. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Answer 5

I concur with all who say "Don't"

Wait at least 6 months before dating anybody. Took me three years after my divorce. I needed to get through some serious personal issues. You probably have a lot of healing to do and then I recommend some serious self evaluation.

Figure out what you want in life and what your interests and more importantly values are. You need to become a whole person and then you can set out to find someone new.

When you do start dating again make sure you have no desire to bring up your divorce. Make sure you have pletny to talk about that has nothing to do with your previous marriage. In the time between your divorce and the time you start dating develop fun stuff in your lofe. Hobbies, friendships whatever, so that you have stuff other than your pain to talk about.

So, like I said it took me three years to get back out in the dating world. When I went back out I spent a year dating different girls and now three years after taht I am married with two beautiful kids.

So take your time and work on you. You are not defined by your divorce. You are you, whatever that it is. Take some time to figure that out for yourself before you try to share it with other people.

Now if you just want to get laid.... That's another issue.

Answer 6

if you tell someone you are divorced and they react negatively, then that is their problem not yours.

take your time to make sure you have really healed from your loss. often times people are so afraid that they'll be alone forever that they run to the nearest person, with their old baggage in tow. you know the pain of divorce and you probably don't want to go there again. be sure you're ready to move forward.

the only thing constant in life is change. you shouldn't be afraid of starting over. if you sat down and though about all the times you ever started anything over, you'll realize that it's something people do all the time. it's not mysterious. it's manageable. and even more, it's exciting because you have a new beginning.

good luck to you.

Answer 7

A woman will probably prefer someone who is not divorced because the problems associated with divorce usually haunt the parties for a long time. Examples are money settlement, custody and support of the kids and other unexpected matters related to the kids' education and maintenance.

Answer 8

The best dating advice for a new divorcee is to wait a while. Wait about a year. If you have kids, you may want to wait until they are adults, because they have had enough drama already. No need in bringing new loves in and out of their lives.

Answer 9

There is NO stigma. You will indeed likely date someone divorced. Regardless, do not talk about your divorce or your former marriage. Take things slow. Try to date people to become friends and see where it develops from there.

Answer 10

I am only 24 and divorced. I think it is way too complicated to go out with another divorcee. go out and have fun for now, its called "rebounding" and it is the best medicine, I have been divorced three years now and I feel awesome!!! Good luck