If your spouse doesn't like you watching porn shouldn't they be the one to go get therapy to get over their issue with porn and let you watch whatever you want?
I'm talking about view legal porn, not the illegal sick stuff.
Don't we have freedom in this country to try and do what we want to do and doesn't that include viewing porn?
Its seems to me that the person with the issue should be the one to fix themselves instead of trying force the other to do what they want. Am I wrong?
2007-06-27 08:21:40 · 27 answers · asked by snack_daddy10 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stefka,
Do you need flowers, date night, new clothes, jewelry, candy, more shoes ...etc
Maybe you should do without as you suggest.
2007-06-27 08:36:30 · update #1
People, please focus your little minds on the actual question. Expand it beyond the idea of porn and replace it with something like cats, dogs, air travel, being a vegitarian ..etc. If what you say is true then it should hold true for ALL situations.
2007-06-27 08:45:47 · update #2
Both people need therapy- the woman for being an insecure b, and the man for doing something that he knows upsets his wife and not giving a damn about it.
2007-06-27 08:28:11 · answer #1 · answered by Ela 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You moron. It's a free county - do what you want. But there is nothing wrong with your spouse for thinking that porn is wrong. If you can't be a man and do what it takes to make your marriage work, then you need to be honest - tell her that you prefer your porn to being married to her and get out. Personally, I find the image of some guy getting off in front of the tv or computer completely revolting.
All sarcasm aside - both of you should go to counseling. The porn isn't the big issue. It's a matter of understanding how much you are willing to do to make each other happy, it's about communication, and it's about sex. Do you understand the reason that porn makes so many women feel terrible? It is extremely painful - whether or not it actually has anything to do with her or your sex life. This might sound ridiculous to you - but it's a form of cheating. Good luck to you both.
2007-06-27 15:32:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first of all, you and your spouse should have agreed on that before you got married. I mean, if this is going to be an issue, then it should have been solved before you got married.
If you just started, like after you got married, than she has the right to complain.
If the porn has taken over your life, or if you masterbate to porn instead of having sex with your wife, then you should be the one that goes to therapy. A friend of mine got divorced for this reason.
If she doesn't like to watch it, then you can watch it privately, and you should let her know you want to watch it, but don't let it consume you, meaning, if you are watching more porn that regular tv, then you have a problem, and need help.
2007-06-27 15:28:13 · answer #3 · answered by George P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, they shouldn't just get over it.
Maybe you should just "get over" your porn! What do you think of that, eh?
Yes, we have freedom. We also have the freedom to reject men who are going to use porn when they are married to us. We have the freedom to leave them too. We have the freedom to argue about it. We have the freedom to express our dislike of their ungentlemanly undevoted behavior.
Any more freedom questions?!
Ok. On a more calm note...
It is YOUR problem too, because you married someone who doesn't agree with it. IT is a relationship issue, not her issue, not your issue, but an issue between the two of you, and the two of you must come to an agreement, or go separate ways.
And for any man out there that finds his extracurricular porn more important than keeping his eyes on the prize--his WIFE--then you deserve to be left, because the man in that case has the issue, which is prioritizing his real wife, his real sex life. Get it?
2007-06-27 17:30:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the two people in the relationship would need to work this out. Every person is different, therefore every relationship involving people will be different.
It seems to me that if someTHING - porn, drinking, fishing, shopping, TV, etc - is more important to someone than their partner's feelings, then it's the relationship - not the partner - that needs some evaluation. Why would you be with someone whose hobbies/values/priorities are so misaligned with your own?
My suggestion for the pron fan would be to find a spouse who enjoys porn as much as he/she does, and to be a little more proactive in choosing a spouse to begin with. This is kind of a biggie which SHOULD have come up long before the topic of marriage.
(DUH)
2007-06-27 16:03:53 · answer #5 · answered by Courtney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear you, bud.
Erotica has been around for thousands of years. It began as painting, sculpture and poetry, and eventually evolved into literature, photography, acting, and video.
Erotica is simply an alternative form of sexual arousal; it is harmless fantasy and nothing more.
Regarding fantasy, Helen Fisher ("The First Sex," Ballantine Books, Feb. 2000) says that 71 percent of men and 72 percent of women fantasize while having sex with a partner. Men fantasize about conquest and domination, women about submission and surrender.
Dr. Joyce Brothers says, "It might relieve some of your guilt to know that many happily married individuals who have no thought or intention of ever betraying their spouse have sexual fantasies about someone other than their spouse."
Both men and women (single and in a relationship) have shown a desire to enjoy erotica in some form.
As long as a partner is taking care of his/her obligations and responsibilities (job, family) and seeing that the other person is being fulfilled sexually, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with enjoying alternative forms of arousal.
Too often, a woman's reaction to their partner enjoying erotica is one of offense; their sexual identity is somehow threatened; believing that their partner's arousal and satisfaction should come exclusively from their vagina/mouth/hand. That is sad.
There are men in this world that are totally threatened by women's sex toys (vibrators, dildos, etc.), feeling that a woman (their wife, gf) should receive pleasure only from THEM. That is just pathetic. They have some serious self-image/penis issues to deal with.
And then, there are many couples such as ourselves that enjoy a mature, fully-developed sex life. Erotica is just a small part of all that.
Check out my blog pages; I have a 4-part series on erotica.
2007-06-27 17:25:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that if the issue is someone is being hurt by something I am doing and the something I am doing is not necessary in my life and I could live without it, then I would quit doing that as my marriage comes first and foremost.
If a person HAS TO HAVE porn in their life - then they are suffering from an addiction.
2007-06-27 15:25:30 · answer #7 · answered by Stefka 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If it was a friend that has an issue, then yeah, I'd say they're the one with the problem. But if it's your spouse, then you both have a problem, because it's causing a problem with your relationship. So I would say you both need to go to counseling, to figure out why one dislikes it, and why the other likes it.
2007-06-27 15:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, Respect your wife. I am certain if she was feeling the bag boy's butt as he lifted the groceries into the car you would feel uncomfortable also. To her it may be the same thing. She is saying you need to pay attention to her body and make her feel like the most sexy woman alive. Remember respect goes both ways. A man's roving eye is no big deal but when your women's eyes start looking you may be in for trouble.
2007-06-27 15:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think your completly wrong. I belive if somone is interested in porn that they should include there partner in that process, it can help in the sexual activity department. However if your spouse is against porn then I think that you should respect them enough not to watch it. Talk to your spouse about it tell them why you watch it, maybe they are feeling that they arnt good enough for you that he/she doesnt please you the way you want. Talk to him/her you may be surprised that it might be your issue with somthing going on in your sexual relationship
2007-06-27 15:29:16 · answer #10 · answered by Mindy A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋