Should I choose love over my current marriage?

Question

I have been married for 5 years and have fallen out of love with him. I care about him but do not want to be married anymore. I am in love with my dance partner and dont know what to do.

Answer 1

Only you can decide who makes you happy. Why don't you try staying away from your dance partner for say a month and see how you feel then. As they say.. the grass is always greener... but maybe it isnt.

Answer 2

I'm just getting through this same scenario. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. The 15 years produced many years of sadness. We were separated last summer for 8 months and I became involved with another man; that to this very day I have feelings for. I thought long and hard about making the separation official and "following my heart." However, I realized that following ones heart is not always what life is about. If everyone followed their hearts and had no regards to commitments and covenant relationships...where would we all be. Look at your grandparents and great grandparents. If they were married for many years...trust me, they have been through many trying times. But, they stayed together and loved one another.

Right now, your dance partner offers excitement and newness. Remember, when you first got together with your husband it was the same excitement. You couldn't wait to see one another, you talked long hours on the phone, etc. No, your not in that stage of your marriage any longer. Now your in the stage when memories are made and charished. You'll look back on challenges and see that you made it through.

Regardless of whom your with, the cycle of "relationship" will always be the same. First there's the excitement; then comes real and true love...when you know one another and you love another inspite of oneself.

Work on your marriage. Give it a chance. Just like a child with a new toy. When they receive that new toy, they'll play with it like its the best thing ever and slowly they'll stop playing with it so often. Until finally, the toy is at the bottom of the toy box and forgotten. Why? Because the child has placed his attention on another new and exciting toy. Don't put your husband at the bottom of the toy box!

I'm speaking from experience. I'm glad I chose to work on my marriage rather than getting a new toy.

The best to you!

Answer 3

You married for better or worse. You don't leave when you hit the worse. Stop dancing with your dance partner and put that energy into your marriage. Everyone falls out of love and then a new love takes over. You need to work through all of it, that is what marriage is all about. Everyone these days seems to hit a small problem and they say divorce instead of working it out. In our marriage divorce is not in our vocabulary. It sure wasn't in our marriage vows. We are in it through thick and thin! Your marriage gets stronger as you work through every problem that comes along. It is a great ride!

Answer 4

Cut your dance partner out of your life and concentrate on your marriage - love is an action word - start doing loving things for your husband and talk to him in a respectful and loving manner. It takes two to make a marriage work and the "lust" doesn't last forever - that is all you are feeling for this dance partner - plain, old fashioned lust. In 2-5 years, you would feel the same about them as you do right now about your husband. The right thing is usually the hardest thing to do - the question is - do you have it in you to do what is hard?

Answer 5

Of course you're feeling what you mistake as love with your dance partner. Dancing's fun. Real marriage has responsibilities: jobs, bills, work. Perhaps if you quit dancing and stayed home and worked on your marriage and the vows you made you'd remember why you married the man you did.

Answer 6

This is just my opinion, but coming from a similar place as your husband. I would liked to have known sooner rather than later. I think you should find out wether the feelings are mutual or not, and then make your decision. Either way...I feel as though you should tell your husband that you have fallen out of love with him and see where he stands on the issue.

Answer 7

A promise is a promise and your marriage is no less of a promise. Its always an excuse when we hear "I have fallen out of love" . Man up and work with your husband to make things better instead of taking the easy way out when things get difficult. Sounds like you ignored your marriage for the last few years and it failed to grow. Dont be a quitter!!!!!

Answer 8

Sure you know what to do. EVERY married person knows what they should do IF they ever start to feel for a person other than their spouse. You back the heck off. You stop having a relationship with them. Don't bother lying to yourself. You didn't just "fall" in love with another man. There HAD to be a like period. But, you kept seeing the guy. So, what should you do? Tell your husband. He deserves to know his wife loves another guy. Even if you decide Prince Twinkletoes is not the one for you.

Answer 9

Looks like your "choice" has already been made. If you find yourself in this situation then you've already acted.
So, why ask this question now??
Oh, and for the record, it sounds like your trying to justify what you're doing by saying that you have "fallen out of love" with your husband.
IF that be the case.. why would you move onto another relationship BEFORE severing the one you're already in.
Sounds a bit selfish and unfair, to me.

Answer 10

If your already having a relationship with your dance partner than you've already made your decision. Your just being selfish by staying with your husband. Its not fair that your making a fool of the man you took vows with. And your probly not in love with your dance partner your probly in lust.