people who have affairs?

Question

why do you do it? why do you not stop to think of the fall out when you are discovered.the effects are felt throughout the whole family. and i`m not talking about my marraige here, but someone close to us.

Answer 1

Its all about affection' or the lack of it, that's what is missing in some marriages, To be loved? to be special to some one else?

Answer 2

Well, I think I can give a very good reason as to why a man such as myself would have an affair. I should say I HAVE NOT had one though.
As a man we like to know that our spouse is physically attracted to us even as time goes by. Men are extremely visual creatures also. So when we are at home and our wives are not paying attention to us, complimenting us, or initiating love making, it really becomes a psychological problem in a mans life. A man thinks about sex hundreds of times every single day. I mean we are thinking about it at breakfast even while we are feeding our children, especially so if the wife likes to come down in a nightie or something. This in itself is a challenge to a man. As he and his wife wake up or go to bed just the wife changing her clothing will get a man in the mood. If the wife constantly is telling the husband no then he will begin resenting his wife altogether almost to the point of despising her for this very actr even though she really has not done anything wrong
As a women, YOU have EVERY bit of the true power. And without even knowing it a women can become so sidetracked with kids, or school, or her work, or stress that the very last thought in her head is trying to "please" a husband. It is not news that a women can truelly go without sex for months on end, so pair that up with the average husband who desires it at least 2 - 3 times per week, there can become a strain.
Ok so knowing how men are wired, lets look at the good looking guy who has caught the eye of the younger attractive lady down the hall. She starts to chat with him a bit, and maybe starts to share that she is having issues with her boyfriend or husband. They begin liking eachothers company and decide to go to lunch. The excitement at this point will begin building up in a guy and the "hunt" becomes a challenge. Perhaps he is at a time now where his wife is paying very little attention to him these last few days...
next thing you know the husband is staying later at the office just to chat more with his new lady friend. If the lady friend is sending any signals they are DEFINITELY picked up on by the man and some flirtation starts happening a little more all the time. Eventually a lunch break leads to a trip to the home or even a nice hotel room just to "spend more time" with the new lady friend. And perhaps sex is not what the guy is looking for, but a massage, and just being close to another attractive women who SHOWS interest and makes him feel good about himself. quickly this goes over the edge and now closeness is through sex and buying things for the lady friend, weekend trips to the office.
And then all of a sudden she will move away, or get a different job elsewhere, or maybe find another man and she calls the whole thing off, and there the man is. The wife none the wiser and he falls right back into his family life.
I see on a daily basis sometimes men who are in relationships that are creating issues. Women I have even heard brag about how much they make their men suffer by not being in the mood.
I have even heard of a man so into not cheating on his wife that he would give her massages, and take her out and just try to make her so relaxed that she would let him get a little. Only to find after the massages she fell asleep. Where do you think he finally got his sexual frustration fixed? Not by her. My wife fortunately will make love with me often for the most part. And i even struggle still ...
As far as the fallout mentioned, in the heat of the moment there is NOTHING in the mans head, not his son or daughter, or family life or even job. My children mean the world to me, and as i said even i struggle with this. I have definitely put my foot into the fire a few times, but IT never actually happened i'm very happy to say.

Answer 3

People can get addicted to "Love sickness" over "Long-term love". Both of these love types produce chemicals within the brain; Dopamine & Serotonin (respectively).

“Dopamine” is a short-term chemical that triggers animal instincts and satisfaction. It is produced when you’re first in love (Love Sickness), with alcohol, cocaine, adrenaline rush (sky diving) and morphine. Does this mean it’s “Bad” like alcohol & cocaine? It depends on the person’s ability to handle self-control. We know people who can have one glass of wine and be satisfied … and there are those who will have a glass of wine, then need a margarita, then a case of beer. The person with control is okay to drink while the person without control is unable to drink. So too is it with getting the “Love Sick” feeling (a rush of dopamine chemicals flooding the primitive part of the brain). Some get “addicted” to this feeling. Just like with alcohol and other chemical substances, those addicted usually get “Numb” and need more creative ways to get the original feeling/rush. This is when “Sex Addiction & Perversions” start to run rampant.

“Serotonin” is the long-term chemical reaction triggering the cognitive part of your brain. People who remain in love past the “Love Sickness” will have a chemical bond that is serotonin. This can also be produced by smiling at your loved ones (parents, sisters, brothers, friends) and by “Petting” your pet. Studies on dolphins show that the “Serotonin” bond they create will unite them so deep that when one dolphin dies, the other will die shortly after. We see this in humans too; however, it’s not studied as detailed as in the dolphins. So, when we “separate” from someone/thing (like a pet), we have a sudden drop in serotonin and this is what causes the heartache.

Now, a “Sex Addict” can be addicted to the “Dopamine” rush and still have a bond with another person via the “Serotonin” calmer. This is where their selfishness will cause them grasp onto as much as they can. On one hand, they need the “Love Sick Feeling” … and on the other, they need the “Secure fuzzy Feeling”. Their desire to “Have it all” is what causes them to lie, manipulate, and deceive.

Sign’s to look out for: Watch our for “Scape-goating” this is when they will accuse you of having an affair to take the light off of them. They will call you, check up on you, and distrust you. This is because they feel that if they can do it, you will do it too. Since they’re “Hogging” it all … well, they don’t see the harm in going lower or consuming more of you or the person they’re having an affair with.

Answer 4

Never have and never will!

I always wonder if people having affairs, consider how it would make them feel if they were the one left at home!
And, if it evolves into a relationship.. how could you trust someone that you Know will cheat???

If you no longer love your partner you should end the relationship before starting to wander! It would still hurt but alot less than being cheated on, I would have thought!

Answer 5

Good question, why?
If you love a person with all your heart , body and soul, then why do it? You possibly carn't love that person like you think you do, because having an affair would not enter your mind.
They just don't think of the hurt they can cause, just more interested of what goes on between their legs, weak minded if you ask me.

Answer 6

I married in 1995 to someone I had lived with since 1989, we had a child in 1997. I broke my vows soon after, I wasn't proud of it, I just fell in love with another person.. Something that wouldn't be possible if I had already been in love with my ex-wife! The woman I had the affair with is now my wife, she had 2 kids from her previous marriage (which I broke) and now we have one of our own. I love her & will never cheat on her.. I suppose what I am trying to say is people cheat if they aren't in love with their partners.. It is possible to rebuild stuff, Love does conquer all... All four kids consider eachother brothers and sisters and are all well adjusted & happy, I even manage to be friendly with my ex-wife..

Answer 7

let me tell you:

i have never been married but every single men in my family have or are cheating on their wives. my father did it to my mother and my uncle did it and still is doing it to his wife. when i was a little girl porbably 7 or so. i remember my uncle telling me to stay in front of his bedroom, he told me if i saw his wife to quickly knowck on the door which i did. he was in the room with a woman. i never thought twice and did as i was told, it was only when i got older that i realized what he was making me do. he would reply, hey if i want it why not get it? what kills me the most is the women knew about it and didnt do crap!! she knows that he is still doing but is not doing crap about it...my mother once told me that if she knew my husband was cheating on me she would never tell me cause it would hurt me, question so when i get that STD it wont hurt me so much???

I hate cheaters and always will...i can never forgive certain people in my life, nor certain exs who cheated on me. if you knew you couldnt keep your pants up or your legs crossed, do not make a commitment to me. simple as that!

Answer 8

The wife does like it either

Answer 9

too busy to have one

Answer 10

i have 3 and all r going strong