I decided to call her to get the real scoop on what really happened becasue there is always 2 sides to any story. She was afraid to talk to me at first but I assured her that i just wanted to know how she got involved with him. We ended up talking and she told me her side-- i want to believe her and i know when i talk to my husband he will deny her side becasue i do feel he was leading this affair from what she told me. What should i do? i did forgive him but i feel he did not tell me the real side of what he did.
2007-06-27 07:25:09 · 27 answers · asked by ubetalkin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We will never know the real truth when this happens,so if you have forgiven him and you guys are going to move on,you just have to forget about it,its hard as hell,i asked for details every single detail how,where? what positions?and i still feel that things were left out,but were still married and happily too,it takes a long time to get over the hurt,even though it was 12 years ago,if i start thinking about it again, it feels like yesterday,now im going to go to bed and want to smack him,and tomarrow ill be pissed off at him all day,but i wont tell him why, thats how it goes.
2007-06-27 19:17:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you would even call her. The bottom line is he had a commitment with you and he betrayed you by having an affair. I am sure she was no saint but, bottom line all the details make no difference at this point. He is wrong. Either forgive him and move forward or take a step back and have some time for yourself.
IF you are going to relive this affair daily and have a new question for him daily your marriage is headed for divorce.
Good Luck
2007-06-27 14:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would have done the same thing. I would want to know what and how it happened, but that may have been the wrong move. You have decided to forgive him. Can you really forgive him? If you had you wouldn't have called the other woman. At this point her side doesn't really matter. You have to decide if you guys can salvage this relationship. Can you ever trust him again? If not, your wasting your time. Without trust there is no relationship.
2007-06-27 14:39:12 · answer #3 · answered by Alabula 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating in a marriage is always difficult, because you will have trust issues (at least a small voice in the back of your head) for a long time to come. If you were able to forgive him, and able to talk to the other woman, without getting upset, than let me first say you are a better woman than I, and major points that you can handle it so well.
Since she gave you a different story then he did, let him know you have talked to her, and see how he reacts, that will pretty much tell you who is lying, because you know his cues when he's lying. Since you forgave him, whose fault it is really isn't a concern, because as long as she knew he was married, they were both at fault. If he refuses to concede that he pursued the affair, listen to your heart, you will know what is right. However, keep in mind, while some ppl only have that one indescretion, a lot of cheaters continue to cheat, and since you forgave him, it makes it easier for him to cheat again. If it does happen again, dont forgive him, or he will walk all over you.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-06-27 14:37:48 · answer #4 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-06-27 18:53:19 · answer #5 · answered by bylovemagic 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No man ever tells the truth, but they are both at fault! Just let him tell you his side and take it from there. You know him well enough to know if he is lying don't you? This other woman may be playing you! If you want to work things out with him you will just have to forgive and forget! Good Luck!
2007-06-27 14:32:24 · answer #6 · answered by taurus_lynne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u have done the appropriate thing by inquireing her side of the story...at least now u have both perspectives. Now that u know the story from both sides, what do u see in ur relationship that was lacking? Now the toughest part will be....how are the both of you going to fill in what was missing in ur marriage. In the begining the both of u were drawn to each other due to something special u saw in one another, maybe its time to search it out :o) take care and good luck.
2007-06-27 15:57:41 · answer #7 · answered by Guardian W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think listening to his side of the story would be pointless because he will try to make it her fault and sugar coat it because he wants to keep you in his life where as she doesn't know you so sh will tell the truth. i think you should not under any circumstances let him off easily as he will then think you are a pushover you should let him know that he hurt you and that some things even time can't heal, ask him why he would do something like that if he really loved you and tell him that that was unacceptable and that if he ever does anything to break your heart again that he knows where the door is! don't let any man keep you from being truly happy.
2007-06-27 14:35:04 · answer #8 · answered by eileen g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I believe that after somone cheats it is always hard to ever trust them again. So that sense that he is lying may always be there. I would tell him that you spoke to the woman and tell him what she said. He will probably deny it but I would stress to him that if he wants to make this work then he needs to be honest about what happend. You cannot move on until you fix what is in front of you. If he just denys things then I would keep my eyes open. Its going to be hard to trust him again but I feel that if your husbands wants you and wants to be faithful to you then he will prove it to you.
2007-06-27 14:30:34 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him with it. If the other woman no longer has interest in your husband, she has no reason to lie to you. If he still fibs up his side of the story...you've got some long and hard thinking to do. Will you be able to trust him again? Is he even worthy of it? A relationship without trust is no relationship at all.
2007-06-27 14:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by Mara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋