I’ve been seeing a great guy for 2 mos. Im divorced and have 2 kids. he’s never been married and has no kids (if that means anything) Last night as I came home from a date I called to check on my daughter and she said her dad was outside waiting for me. To avoid a scene I told boyfriend to drop me off a block away. He was pissed but did it anyway. Then I told my ex that if he ever did that again, I’d file a restraining order. I spoke to boyfriend later on and he told me he liked me and enjoyed my company but that he didn’t need this. That I didn’t not have control of the situation. I told him I took care of it and not to make any hasty decisions. Today I text him and he text back but I could tell he was still pissed. I don't blame if he wouldn't want to see me again. what to do?
2007-06-27 06:52:07 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Keep reassuring your current boyfriend that the situation is under control and that it wont happen again. Dont let your ex ruin your happiness. If you have to call the police do so but dont have your boyfriend drop you off any place other then the front door. He may think that he is being played for a fool and that there is something going on with your ex.
2007-06-27 11:18:01 · answer #1 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File the restraining order today. Do not even let this type of behavior start. You are divorced and he will need to call before coming over, if it is not his shceduled time to pick up the children, just like anyone else would.
Causing a scene because you are dating someone is the first step and it could esculate into worse from there. Be sure to list in your restraining order that he is to stay away from your place of employment also. If you end up losing this other guy from this then it was not meant to be. What kind of man flee's at the first sign of a trouble ripple anyways? Just something for you to think about.
But, do get the order. That way you will have it on record with the police department if your ex decides to get a little more creative with his "punishments" for you divorcing him and having a new life.
Good luck!
2007-06-27 13:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by phxmilitarymom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your new boyfriend is correct....... how could you two ever explore a new relationship with the ex about. And say things moved along and he becomes part of your life. The ex could show up at anytime and of course will be talking squat about the new guy to the kids.
A lot of this is about the kids. There has to be some seperation between the old and the new. The kids can see how you interact with the new guy and see how things are and what was said when they are with the ex. With everything muddled together they will never be able to figure things out or develop a bond with the new guy.
So the new guy will feel powerless to control the situation....... aka being a man for you and your kids..... its a guy thing. And even if the new guy has an ounce of class or was taught by his mom dropping of a woman a block away is going to feel wrong.
Even if it was just you and your kids they deserve to get into a route where it is just you and them without Dad just showing up. As another said...... the ex shows up only at scheduled times and picks them up OUTSIDE. The kids need to feel as if it is their home and refuge...... not daddys as well.
2007-06-27 14:53:08 · answer #3 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did a wise thing, not letting this hot-headed new boyfriend too close to the ex. He showed himself not to compasionate or "worldly."
Why would YOU want to see HIM again, if he is PISSED at such a stupid little thing. Tell him to grow up and come back and see you when he has.
YOUR BOYFRIEND is causing the trouble. If he had been cool about you taking care of your children, he would been pleased to HELP you.
I think I would file a restraining order anyway, just so he knows you are not kidding around. He shouldn't be hanging around your house late at night "waiting" for you to come home. He needs to know his boundaries, and know that YOU will enforce them.
Your daughter could have called you way earlier, and told you, and you could have had the police waiting for you when you arrived.Or scare him off. Not really HER job. She is a child.
He's right. New boyfriend doesn't need this. You can't make him have any backbone, or interest in your soap opera. You can't make him want to get "involved." The fact that he doesn't have children or a first marriage also means he has no knowledge or sympathy for what you are dealing with.
If he had, he would KNOW that YOU are not in charge of what YOU ex does. You are in charge of what YOU DO ABOUT it.
You are in charge of protecting your children from scarey situations. (This could have been a fist fight in your front yard.)
I say lose the boyfriend, deal with the ex, and tell your children you and daddy both love them-even tho you can't live together anymore.
Good luck, honey.
2007-06-27 14:23:32 · answer #4 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that sucks. I'm really sorry. Explain to your bf that you just didn't want a scene, because your ex-husband was obviously waiting outside for a reason. Tell him it just seemed like better judgment for yourselves and your daughter(s). Make sure your ex-husband understands what a jerk he was for doing that, but make sure your daughters have no idea you had that kind of convo!! Plus, (this may cause a fight but you really should say this) ask your bf why he was so mad in the first place! Was dropping you off a block a way a REALLY big deal?
2007-06-27 13:59:56 · answer #5 · answered by stingraygirl2007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you really don't have control of the situation like your boyfriend suggested? If your husband is coming between you and new relationships you really need to deal with that before you bring someone into that. If he is like stalking you or something (waiting for you outside?) that is something you need dealt with by the police (if it is a common problem or something that scares or bothers you). Your new boyfriend doesn't deserve to be in the middle of that (if you look at it from his point of view), so i would say tell your boyfriend that you are going to straighten it all out (and you really should anyway just for yourself) and maybe slow down with him until everything is better.
2007-06-27 13:58:03 · answer #6 · answered by Andrea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that's definitely his decision to stick with it or not. You as a divorce woman need to have better control over what you "allow" your ex-husband to do. Don't ever be scared to be around both or whatever you was thinking when you told him to drop you off 1 block away. I wouldn't want much to do with you either if I was him. That sounds like you're allowing your ex to run your present life. Have some back-bone and stand up for yourself.
2007-06-27 13:57:25 · answer #7 · answered by All the way live! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guys r always like that (your ex husband)---even though he know that the 2 of u r no longer united as one he doesn't care...they don't want u but they don't want to see u happy w/no one else... u did what u had 2 do by lettin him know that u aren't afraid of puttin a restraining order on him is sumthin he needs to know seriously....!! and stick to it!! he shouldn't have control over YOUR life so tell him 2 kiss your A** and move on....
2007-06-27 13:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by Chyna Blaque 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must have been a recent divorce. Your husband will have to get over it. Get a restraining order on you and it'll ease things up if you get one for your boyfriend as well. Explain to him you have feelings for him and you wil do the best you can.
2007-06-27 13:57:49 · answer #9 · answered by steak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Get over yourself. Sounds to me like new bf was pretty clear. He's not ready for all your baggage. Deal with it. Plenty of guys out there that can deal better. 2 months is not a huge investment. Better to find out now.
2007-06-27 14:02:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋