I'm involved with a guy that is a great guy, but when he is angry he can be emotionally abusive. We've been together almost a year...off and on. In the time we've been together, I have probably cried more with him than with any other guy. When he is angry he has insulted me, refused to say one word to me, disappear for a couple of weeks and not call or contact me, and not respond to my attempts to contact him either. It is very nerve wracking. I'm in college and last night, we were at the library together, because I had a paper due&he had something to do for his job. He didn't think about the fact that I had a paper due, but instead had me running around the library finding books that he needed. If I refused, he gave me the silent treatment. He also got angry at me towards the time we were getting ready to leave & left me to walk home across campus in the dark by myself, while he drove. Please tell me what is wrong with him? Does he need counseling????
2007-06-27 06:35:49 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
He needs anger management. If he doesn't go, then he thinks that he is more important than you and you should leave him before it gets worse.
2007-06-27 06:40:07 · answer #1 · answered by Jer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems quite passive aggressive when he doesn't get his way as he gives you the silent treatment. He has anger issues which need to be resolved through counseling. Being with an emotionally abusive guy is not great as you will eventually become quite dependent on him at the psychological level. It will affect your self-confidence and self-esteem. You say he is a great guy but it is not very appealing that he made you run around searching for his books when you had a paper due, that is very inconsiderate of him. Have you told him that you are unhappy with things? He needs counseling but you need to be in counseling separately too to figure out why you think he is a great guy when he has not made you feel special. You need to ask yourself if he really cares about you. Otherwise get out and you will find the right person who will love you and treat you like you really deserve to be treated. Also get emotional support from family and friends whatever you may decide to do. Good luck!
2007-06-27 13:45:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has problems alright ! Sounds like a spoiled brat that really has no feelings for other people. He needs more then simple counseling but if you stay with him,you are going to need counseling also. If y'all have been together a long time where you don't want to lose him, break up until he gets help. You are much better to just leave him and not look back though 'cause he could get treatment a long time and still act like a spoiled brat. You need to look at yourself though that you put up with him.
2007-07-05 12:30:36 · answer #3 · answered by Ava 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, hon, but you need to drop this guy like a hot potato! He's got emotional issues and you aren't doing him any good by putting up with his BS. He can't really be a great guy if he is so inconsiderate to you. Being in college is enough work - you should focus on yourself and look for a guy who is more stable - and able to focus some good attention on you! You deserve it!
And, yes, he needs some counseling - but I guarantee he won't get it unless he recognizes he has a problem. So unless you are a professional therapist - leave him and let him figure it out for himself!
Good Luck!
2007-06-27 13:44:37 · answer #4 · answered by Mirage 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, he needs counseling, in terms of changing the self-centered way he thinks. Will he get it? I doubt it. I'm going to be very upfront with you and tell you that he has every sign of being a classic abuser. In fact, he's already started. Has he started isolating you from your friends and family yet? I'd be surprised if he hasn't. After all, they take away from time you could spend on meeting his needs. He will never spend the time meeting yours, because that is not how he thinks. Of course, you may have found he can be very charming if he thinks you're pulling away (and after all, he got you to go out with him in the first place), but he is basically charming long enough to get what he wants, and that is having you under his control. Take my sincere advice and dump him now. Be prepared for him to campaign to get you back, either by charm or threats. Don't fall for them.
2007-06-27 13:45:37 · answer #5 · answered by Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"you" need counseling, to learn how to get away from an abusive partner, why you insist on "living" with a man out of wedlock and letting him take advantage of you like you were some kind of pickup, and why you put up with that without moving out. Since he's acting funny, don't get another boyfriend for a while, and until you've worked thru your problem. You can't change him, but you can change you. Good luck.
2007-07-04 22:43:10 · answer #6 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but you need to drop him. He should probably take anger management classes. Dump him because you can't change him. No matter what you do he is not going to change. Your love or whatever is not going to be enough in the end. Also if he treats you that way now he will probably always treat you that way. Another thing, girls who were in physically abusive relationships, say that at first it just started out with emotional abuse. So it could escalate.
2007-06-27 14:20:40 · answer #7 · answered by jane doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can't tell you what is wrong!!! You are the only one who even knows this guy. I can just about guess that his behavior is justifiable and normal in his mind. You're not going to change him so just know that right off the bat. Not being ugly when I say this, maybe you need to talk to someone. Look at what you are accepting from him and why? Don't you feel that you deserve to be treated kindly? People often have to learn the hard way and you will if you continue to have relationships with jerks............
2007-06-27 13:49:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's self centered and immature with some anger management issues. He wants your life to revolve around him. But then of course he's likely to punish you if you don't meet his exact needs. Either get some counseling or walk away. Its not going to get better by itself. He clearly doesn't know how to communicate in a caring or productive way.
2007-06-27 13:52:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anika 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he needs counseling or help of some sort. First, you should realize that you should not let yourself be treated that way. In my book, abuse of any kind is NOT ACCEPTABLE! It sounds as if he thinks you should cater to him, but he should do the same for you in return.
I think the two of you may be at different points in your lives and may need to go your separate ways. But yes, he does need help.
If you don't take up for yourself, no one else will. Don't let anyone do this to you...you've got to want to be treated better...
2007-07-05 13:16:44 · answer #10 · answered by swampysgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just like to say good luck to you...i can't sit here and say dump him or anything negative because i am going through the same exact thing with my boyfriend except he doesn't just get emotionally or verbally abusive, he also gets physically abusive, i will just ask you what everyone asks me..why do you put up with it and keep him around? i hope everything goes well, like i said we are floating in the same boat, if you want to contact me you can at lmc19842004@yahoo.com...maybe we can give each other advice in the future about our prince charmings...
2007-06-27 13:57:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋