I have been w/ my fiance for almost 4 years, and I just don't feel like He and I are on the same Page anymore.... When I try to bring it up he takes offence and says things like "oh so all of our problems are MY fault" and I say "not its not you, this is about me and what i'm feeling" then he runs off at the mouth and says "if you are that unhappy then just leave" its like he wants to guilt trip me or like he just doesnt want to talk it out w/ me. THe last time we tried to work it out was a year ago, i actually moved out..... he went and got my name tattooed on his chest.... made me feel trapped and I went back to him w/ hopes that things would change...they haven't i'm unhappy and IDK how to bring this up to him w/o him getting so upset and not talking about it. Please help!
2007-06-27 05:11:54 · 17 answers · asked by bad girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Welcome to my world. Do not let the tatoo stop you from being happy. You are not married and don't have kids so there is nothing keeping you with him. If he will not talk to you, and more importantly *listen to you, then I would say find someone who will. Trust me when I say it won't get better. If he will not change and his idea of how to deal with things is to make you feel guilty, you are going to be unhappy as long as you are with him.
2007-06-27 05:18:54 · answer #1 · answered by s1lvermidnight 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your fiance (no one here does). For all we know he could be a pretty good guy with a few very bad qualities. All I know is that you are still with him, so there must be something about him that you like. I'm not gonna say he's good or bad. I won't tell you to stay or leave, because I don't know the whole story. Only you do. All I can do is offer a little advice.
First off, not all men are good communicators. Alot of men tend to bury their feelings (troubles) and just hope they go away with time. They know something is wrong but they can bury those thoughts and go on with life as if everything is fine, truly believing that in time it will sort itself out.
Women find it harder to bury emotions. If there is a problem, we want to fix it and move on. However, we can't move on until it's fixed.
One of the problems that you are having is that he hasn't heard you out. He won't talk or listen long enough to get to the bottom of things. So why don't you try writting all your thoughts and feelings down in a letter to him. Try not to point the finger or put him on the defensive. Just give him the facts and let him know how these things are making you feel. What this will do, at the very least, is give you the opportunity to be fully heard.
When you give him the letter, leave for a few hours. Give him time to absorb what you have said before trying to talk to him.
I just think that if you love this guy, maybe you should give it try and see if it works. If it does, great. If it doesn't, at least you know you tried and can move on with no regrets. Hang in there! I wish you the best of luck.
2007-06-27 06:17:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is to short to be in an unhappy relationship. Get out now. If you have tried for that long and it is not getting better, it is not going to. You should not feel trapped in a relationship. If he is going to get upset, he is going to get upset. There is nothing that you can do to change that. I wouldn't worry about it unless you think that he would hurt you in some way. Even then, you should get out. You said that you have been engaged for almost 4 yrs. That is a long time, count your blessings that you are not married yet. It is even harder to leave.
2007-06-27 05:23:55 · answer #3 · answered by tlk0408 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy with your relationship, you are the only one who can change it. It's better to be honest with him and have him upset (And he will be) than to continue to act as if everything is just fine when it's not. Also, just because someone tattoos your name on their chest does not mean they own you or controll you, what a tactic and how stupid of him. Actually he doesn't have to talk about it at all, you need to do the talking and if he is any where near being smart, he will listen, if not talk and then leave and don't go back to him this time. It's your life don't waste it!
2007-06-27 05:37:04 · answer #4 · answered by gypsey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-06-27 05:37:36 · answer #5 · answered by bylovemagic 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you truly aren't happy with him, then end it before you guys legally tie the knot. Don't worry about the tattoo, you didn't force him to get it, it was a guilt trip he put on you. Hopefully he can find a new girl with the same name, or a gal that won't mind waking up to your name every morning. If he was that insecure then, i hate to say it, you've got a long hard road ahead of you if you break up with him.... Honesty is always the best policy, and if you dont' love him, then you're cheating him more by staying with him. There is someone out there for you AND him.
2007-06-27 05:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
4 yr engagement and not married yet? And unhappy and have been for a while. Get out while you still can. Its apparent that he or both of you have the necessary communication skills to make this work for the real long term.
2007-06-27 05:38:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that the talking time is up. Get out of the relationship, you are not happy. And you went back to him because he made you feel guilty, well I would say let him get all the tatoos he wants, because you should do what makes you happy...............if he goes and tatoos he privite will you then feel you must marry him and be unhappy the rest of your life. NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Get out, and start a new life, where you know you will find happiness
2007-06-27 05:27:52 · answer #8 · answered by catira1953 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You only have two choices #1 Be unhappy and miserable or #2 The opposite of #1*....
2007-06-27 06:22:58 · answer #9 · answered by dca2003311@yahoo.com 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's manipulative and emotionally abusive. Tattoos mean nothing, it's the way he treats you that matters. It's not worth the pain to stay in this relationship. Get out before it gets worse.
2007-06-27 05:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋