Husband Sympathy?

Question

If you have been pregnant more than once, was your husband more understanding and helpful during the 1st pregnancy then the following one(s)?

My husband was very supportive and understanding during my pregnancy with our son but now I'm 5 weeks pregnant (and beyound exhausted!!) and he's very insensitive about the whole thing. I'm just wanding if this is normal? It seems that it would be, to a degree, but he also turned into a very insensitive person during his last tour in Iraq so I wasn't sure if that was more of the reason.

I don't expect him to wait on me, don't get me wrong. He is working a new job and I never see him with his new schedule. However, he tends to call me in the morning while I'm at work and gripe about something I didn't get done. I work full time, go home to take care of our 2 year old and do as much as I can, in addition to being drained and in the bathroom vomiting. He would have never done that when I was pregnant the 1st time.

Thanks

It was a planned pregnancy, we have been trying for months. He is estatic about having a baby, as much as me (maybe more).

Answer 1

I feel like I am dreaming because I am going through the exact same thing. My husband wouldn't let me do anything the first pregnancy and went to every doctors appointment with me and now that I am 15 weeks pregnant with our second child it was like pulling teeth to get him to watch the first ultrasound at HOME!!! I am quite sure that in your case your husbands Iraq tour and new job have got him very much on edge, so try to be patient with him. I have also noticed with my husband that he is having what I call "sympathy pains." At times I think that HE is the one PREGNANT!!! He is moody and has cravings and is gaining weight. IT's actually kind of humorous. Just hang in there and pray about it and I am quite sure that things will turn around. and just remember that you are not alone, I am sure that there are hundreds of women going through the same thing we are. Congrats and #2 and the best of luck.

Answer 2

Ummm....i'm not sure. Could be a couple different reasons why he's acting the way he is. First and foremost is the whole Iraq thing. What kind of experiences did he go through there? If there's anything tramatic then that could be some of the reasoning (i've known people that Iraq has done some severe mental and emtional abuse to).
Secondly, he may be thinking in his head that you are only 5 weeks and shouldn't be complaining already about being so tired considering a lot of women have no symptoms or find out that they're even pregnant until a couple months along. Men do this in the beginning a lot, but once you start packing on a few pounds then he might be a little more sympathetic with you.
Sounds to me like he's getting a little to used to being alone also and that may not help the situation.

Answer 3

My husband and I are going through the same thing. We also have a 2 year old and I am 33 weeks pregnant. I just stopped working(waiting tables) I now stay at home with our daughter. At the beginning of this pregnancy we were getting along and he was helping out a whole lot. About 3 months ago he got a new job....... he works nights and all he does is "cry" about how tired he is and how his back hurts. I think they don't understand how hard it is the second time around. I guess they figure you got thought it the first time OK you probably don't need the help as much. I know I just had to sit my husband down and tell him that if things aren't done to his "liking" that he just needed to either deal with it or do it himself. I also told him unless he is bleeding I really didn't care if his back hurt. It is harder the second time around but you will make it through it. Just try to lay down some rules.

Answer 4

I'm in my first pregnancy, and I'm playing the cards, knowing that I won't have it as good if there is a next time. My husband works full time, I'm a housewife, yet early on, when I was really tired and nauseus (and battled a couple of viruses, too), he did take the time to help out, even if it meant putting off some of his work. With the next pregnancy, he'll be the pastor, and not "just" the pastoral student, so he'll have more demands (especially if he's the senior or solo pastor) and may not be able to help as much. (Yet, if the future, unknown congregation is anything like the one we're in now, I'll be able to call on others in the church for help.)

If you have one, try your church. There might be some older women who are willing to help (my women's Bible study group is filled with older, retired women, most of whom are still driving and get out; If we need it, they will happily come to help), other mothers, or even a middle or high school student who could come over, help with your other child, with making dinner and other small chores around the house for a small fee.

One thing I thought of, as others have said, is that he might be going through post-traumatic stress from Iraq. That in itself is enough to strain a marriage. Also, I don't know where one would look, but there might be some support groups for spouses whose spouses have come home from Iraq different people. Check an Army base? Marine post? I dont know what branch he was in, but those places might be good places to start.

You could also try the Mental Health sub-section under the Healh section. Post this question and others there might have some good advice and maybe even steer you to a support group.

It could be hormones, as well. There have been times, even as late as yesterday, when my husband has helped and I got snippy with him. Partially, I was just mad at myself for not doing what I should have done yesterday morning.

I'm sorry you're going through this. My husband is generally the type who got overly concerned if I just stubbed my toe.

I hope I've been of some help.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you're going through that, but think about it, is it your hormones? Sometimes we get so many hormones that we think the husband is the one being insensitive when it could actually be us. But it could also be that his tour in Iraq really drained him and he is a different person now. Many men and women that have gone to war come back totally different people. He's been through a lot and you have to understand that, but at the same time you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. You really have a lot going by working and taking care of a baby, AND making a baby...so just tell him you would appreciate a little bit of help here and there.

Answer 6

When I was pregnant with #1 and #3 my husband was very insensitive about stupid things like the house work . I finally told him how I was feeling and that if there was something that
he felt that needed to be done that he should do it and get it done and not complain to me about it(just do it).
With #2 and now #4 on the way he has been helping me with the kids
by taking them out ,cooking dinner and he does the dishes.
He started doing the dishes when #3 was on the way because I had too many things to do with #1 and #2 and I refused to do them.
Now he doesn't complain since he now knows what it is like to try to take care of 3 kids and get some house work done.

Answer 7

Is he unhappy about this pregnancy? I guess that is what it sounds like to me. If this is a planned pregnancy, maybe he thinks he is an expert now that you have been through all this before. I know what you mean about insensitivity when it comes to men. Mine was not very understanding at all (this is my third) until I started going to the hospital for dehydration. I had to go in twice and since then, he has been more understanding towards how I feel. Remember he can't feel what you are feeling (boy do I wish!) so maybe if you remind him or tell him how you are feeling. And just say, I will get to it (the task he gripes about that you are not getting done), or if he would like to do it, you will save it for him! : ) One way to make him understand is if you can make him go to the doctor with you and have the doc say what he needs to be doing to help. Maybe hearing it from the doc will change his tune.

Answer 8

wow you got sympathy?

Better than me,

I have 3 boys and a dog and my husband

they all need to be waited on hand and foot

Iraq or not, just make sure when he complains, you respond with a Oh honey I am SOOOO sorry,
is there anything else i can do for you?

and be cheerful,

even if your sick

lets face it, your a mom and a wife now, no time to be sick, and no one cares.

that being said
my old man is always complaining,

sometimes just to complain for complainings sake

alot of times i just say- O wow!!

but why let it get to you, they will complain even if its all perfect.

like i tell my sister

they don't pay you extra to give a $h!T

good luck

meg

Answer 9

It could be from his tour in Iraq. It could be from his new job. But I have noticed with friends and family that their husbands were like this too with the second preg. I think that they think that you were preg once and you lived through that so you should be fine the second time. Which is not true. You need more help the second time. You have a toddler running around. You're still trying to catch up on your sleep from the first kid. Good luck to you.

I plan on concieving my second in the fall. I hope this doesn't happen to me :(

Answer 10

i wouldn't give him sympathy... He needs to be more understanding that your trying your hardest, while working a full time job, you are taking care of your other child, keeping up your home and everything else... and your pregnant!!.... My husband would never do that to me... because he knows what pregnancy does to a woman... it kicks your ***!....lol... so no, i wouldn't give him sympathy, I wold have a long talk with him, and tell him that he needs to be a little bit more understanding.