Is my Spouse having an emotional affair?

Question

I am not sure if my husband is having an emotional affair or if hes even doing anything wrong in the first place.My gut tells me yes but I want to know if I'm overreacting.This is a girl that works at his work and hes also known since highschool.They hadn't talked since highschool and were excited to reconnect at work after so many years.It didn't seem like a problem to me at first when they had lunch together every other week and talked online all day at work until she came to our wedding.She spent most of her time following him around.There are more pictures with him and her than with me and him, he left me on the dance floor several times and started dancing with her (he says he didn't realize he did that), and when I viewed the photographers shots of the reception online, they had taken a pose of them kidding around and she had her arms around him and he had her leg in his hand. I'm sick.Everyone at my wedding wanted to know who she was and they did not like her. Whats he doing?

Answer 1

Feelings can tell you what you feel, but they are useless to tell you the truth.
You are basing everything on a feeling.
Instead of focusing on the negative possibility try redirecting your energy making your relationship better with your spouse.
People who are getting all their needs met by their spouse don't go looking else where. Take a good look and see if there is anything more you can do. Be careful to not over extend yourself and build up resentment for "doing everything".

Answer 2

What the! He knows what he is doing, what he doesn't realize is how it could be affecting you. I would sit down and talk to him, let him know how you feel (no arguing, that will be an easy out for him) ask him what does he see for you and his future? I would suggest marriage counseling and tell him this is what you want, go even if he doesn't go. Work on your marriage even if he is not.

Be confident when you talk to him. If you are not he will know.
With that knowledge, he will have you believing that its you not him. And sorry to say, you probably will believe that.

Communication is key. Be Firm. Stand your ground.

A male friend of mine once said when you want a woman you will always have that attraction.

You probably have a good man, but he is still a man. He probably doesn't realize the affect this woman is having on him. I don't believe its true love or love. But it is infatuation.

Talk to him calmly, rationally,firm and confidently.

I don't believe in divorces. I don't believe in giving up on marriages. I don't believe in marriagemates walking on each other.

There is a way to fix this situation.

Read the Bible before walking into this conversation, Ephesians is a great chapter for marraiges. Also look in the back, however you are feeling look up that word chances are its there and follow that scripture.

No matter what happens, continue to be a good wife.

Remember Good Wife doesn't = doormat

Answer 3

Sweetie she needs to go and get her own life and you need to set the rules down on your new husband! It's one thing to have to work with someone from your past but another when they are in close contact having lunch and hanging with each other on the net all the time! At your own wedding other people even noticed the over envolment they had toward each other........ Plus the photographs don't lie! Put your boundaries in order now let him know what is acceptable and not acceptable in your eyes.....tell him that this must mean that it is ok for you to go out to lunch with an old male friend while he is at work and ok if the two of you hook up on the net all day.......also that it must be ok for you to dance with this old friend and let him hold your leg with his hand! I would ask him if this would be acceptable to him and if he says no ...then ask him why he can do it and you can't. Make him see and feel the picture here and give him something to think about in how all of this is making you feel!!! If he wouldn't like it why should you? He is starting a problem here before the marriage ever takes off the ground. The only thing he needs to do with her at this point should only be work related...period! You are the only woman he should be communicating with concerning his personal life. This male and female friendship could get to close and eventually sexual nature may kick in. I would not like them bonding so closely this way it would make me uncomfortable sweetie.

Answer 4

What`s an " emotional " affair ?. No, really, I`d like to know. If he had a male friend that he really liked, would that be termed as an emotional affair ?. What does he and this girl do ?. Do they stand six feet apart and tell each other how much they`d love to have sex but can`t ?. Affair aside, he DID treat you as second rate compared to this girl and that`s not on. Especially as it was supposed to be YOUR big day. Your husband needs a wake up call - and a big one at that !. You really need to tell him in no uncertain terms just how his behavior hurt you and how foolish he made himself appear to the guests. I`d really begin to question his commitment to you .

Answer 5

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Answer 6

I understand your concerns and think you have been pretty accommodating really, I would not be happy if my fiance was having lunch with another girl once a week and chatting all day to another girl. It could be that meeting up with his od school buddy has made him recapture his youth a little, perhaps she reminds him of the good times he had at school. Personally I would nip this in the bud, ask him outright what is going on and tell him you are very unhappy at the relationship he has with her. Ask him to show a bit more respect for your feelings. Whatever you do, I would not advise issuing an ultimatum as they generally back fire

Answer 7

Ahh the good friend of the opposite sex, on some level your husband is probably attracted to this girl, but as an emotionally responsible adult your job is to react RATIONALLY, tell your husband how you feel and that he's going too far and that maybe you both need to set some reasonable limits. However having friends of all sexes (even attractive ones that you might find threatening) after marriage is part of a healthy social life and you should recognize this.

Answer 8

I don't even have to read your story to know the answer to this question: you need to take your husband and yourself to marriage counseling to discuss this. Something is not right here, and you may as well get the professional help now rather than waiting around for things to get worse. Nip this in the bud before you end up a statistic. If he won't go with you, then go yourself. It will open your eyes. Good luck!

Answer 9

Honestly I want to hope that you are overreacting. Because this sort of thing is not a good start to a happily ever after marriage. What you should do is have a talk with your husband and tell him you feel that she is a bit to clingy. You need to talk to him. When he spends too much time with her you feel left out.

Answer 10

Honey if something is not sitting right with you then something is not right. dont ignore the women's intuition. its real. and from reading this it sounds very shady. how could he not realize how much time he spent with another women on your wedding day? it seems they are a little toooo friendly and i dont like it at all for you. i know you have already discussed this with him but something needs to change. if he has not done anything with her yet, he is on the ledge playing with fire. she seems very disrespectfully from what you wrote.
you husband may have had no plans on pursuing anything with this chick, but the "other" women are so devious. she does not care about you or his marriage. if she did, she would not have acted like that at YOUR wedding, following the groom around. they need to boundaries between them. no lunch dates, no chatting after work. she is a devil in disguise.