iam 19yrs old and just found iam pregnant and i need some advice !?

Question

okay so this is a really long story but iam pregnant and i have a boyfriend of almost 4 years so that is obviously a good t hing , but he is in college and he doesnt want to leave college to take care of the baby but i dont beleive in aboration at all and i dont think i could go through 9 months of hell then just give my baby up for adoption to someone i dont even know , so my boyfriend kinda put me in the situation like if i choose to keep the baby he will stick by me but i will ruin his life , his family is not happy at all his dad is very religous and wont even talk to him now that he found out.. I feel like i have to choose baby or him , and i dunt wanna b a single mom but if i have to i will and i suggusted that and he wont let me do it he sed if i keep the baby he is gonna quit school and support his child but he doesnt want the baby i cant live with knowing he doesnt want his baby , this is a really confusing situation i hope i explained it well any advice would help thanks alot

Answer 1

i had a similar situation. i let the guy go. he couldn't take care of himself, let alone me and a baby. he wasnt a bad guy, just young, irresponsile and not ready to sacrifice for a kid. to me, the choice was take care of a baby alone, or take care of 2 children. one was all i could handle. i never wanted him to resent giving up his youth, and he would have. i did it all on my own and never asked him for a thing. now she's almost seven and i feel i made the right choice. she never knew what it was like to see her parents fight. she never knew the dissapointment of broken promises, she never had to miss him because she never knew him. i'm now married to a great man who loves and fully supports both of us. he's the best daddy ever.

it's hard being a single parent, and it may not be the best for everybody, but it was right for us.

Answer 2

First of all, I am so glad to hear that you are against abortion. I have counseled many in your situation and I can tell you that abortion is not just an "easy way out"- it not only takes a life, it can hurt yours-physically and emotionally. About adoption- I am adopted and so are my 2 children. I have so much love for my birth mom, and theirs, because all 3 chose life- and gave us a chance to live. Also without my two children my life would not be the same. I can only imagine if I was on the other side, like you though- it would be very difficult- however remember, it is the greatest sacrifice you could make, if it would be better for your child. You are 19 and it would be possible to raise a child- be thankful that at least he is willing to support the child, some men won't do that. How does your family feel? You mentioned how his dad feels- by the way, if he really is a man of God, he will come around-. Today, with adoption you can select the parents that you want to raise your child. It is not as closed as it was when I was a baby- and you can even meet the couple. If you can email, and want to talk more, please feel free.

Answer 3

With his attitude, you don't need him. Walk away from him because if he chooses to walk out on his child's life then he doesn't have a choice in his child's life, he already messed up that opportunity. If he quits school, know that it wasn't your decision or your fault, he made that decision when he took the risks to get some. You should see that you are such a good person for even having a debate over "ruining" his life. He wasn't worried about his life when he was "Ooh! Baby! Oooh! Baby" on top of you. Forget him! He will drag you down for the rest of your life. That child does not deserve an abortion or adoption. You didn't ask him/her. Those options are for people unable or incapable of having/raising a child and you don't seem to fit in either category. On your end, raising a child on your own will be rough but also rewarding besides, where were these thoughts at when you were "Ooh! Baby! Ooh, Baby!" under him. Do the best that you can and never let that man near you. P.S. I am a guy with a wife and two children.

Answer 4

Well, first take a few deep breaths and calm down. Then look at all your options rationally.
1. it looks like you've already decided that you don't want an abortion or adoption. And your boyfriend will support you in this choice.

so now, the question is, how do you support a child, while maintaining a healthy relationship with your boyfriend, and not ruining any lives (your boyfriend, yours or your baby's)

1. i hate to be so old fashioned, but give marriage a try. you will be able to access many benefits from your boyfriend's college. many colleges will provide daycare, special housing, and heath insurance for student spouses and dependents.

2. Baby's are a change, yes. but people have been surviving for many years. there is no reason for your boyfriend to have to quit school. instead, what he needs to do is focus on being a good student and graduating so he can best provide for the child in the future. consider it an investment.

3. children need love, and peace. that's it. especially babies. they don't need fancy clothes, or toys, etc. so, they need parents who think of the positives (young parents have more energy for children, and will still be young when their children leave the house). So don't argue over money, spend time worrying, etc. just take things as they come, always thinking of solutions, not problems.

4. the vast majority of the time, parents have fits and then when the baby comes want to see them and love them, etc. don't be angry at his parents when this happens. forgive them, and let them be grandparents.

5. plan. crunch some numbers. will it be better to get a part time job and pay for day care, or stay at home? should you get married for the benefits, or try to stay single so you can get WIC? remember, you have control. You make the decisions. you decide the best way to maximize your peace, security, and emotional gains. It's a baby. you guys will be fine.

good luck

Answer 5

First of all, I feel for you. You are in a tough situation. This child is a gift but if you are unable to give this child a stable, happy home, then I suggest that you seriously look into adoption.

Unlike in the past, more and more adoptions are open and you can determine with the adopting couple what your relationship will look like with the child.

Putting up a child for adoption is very painful, but you are giving the child a chance for a different life.

My husband is adopted and my brother and his wife put their first child up for adoption when they were in high school. They went on to marry and have a wonderful daughter. They reunited with their son a few years ago and feel that it was the best decision although painful at the time. Keeping their child and being pushed to marry to make the child "legitimate" would have set them up for failure. Their son went on to be raised by a wonderful family and was afforded experiences and education that they could not have provided for him.

Your child is legitimate...don't ever think that it isn't, but I must lovingly and gently ask you to consider adoption as an option and get on birth control.

What about your plans? Are you going to college? What are your hopes and dreams and gifts? This world may miss out on what you have to offer because you do the honorable thing and raise this child. Maybe this child was created through you for a greater plan that involves you carrying and loving this child but allowing another couple to raise it.

I don't know, it is so hard.

Good luck, Sweetie.

Answer 6

Well honestly hunny..... what i would do, is keep the baby.... especially if your boyfriend is willing to stick by your side.... A baby is the most amazing thing in this world, especially whe it is a baby that you created... i would n't let anyone take that joy from me as a mother, I would choose my kids over anything, i had my first child at 16, and it was a little hard, but trust me, his dad will get over his attitude when he sees that baby... and now, i am 19 years old, and pregnant with my second child... I am the happiest woman in the world right now... and just like you, i have been with this man for 4 years... when i got pregnant the first time though, we had only been together for 3 months!!! Trust me hunny... if i was you, i would keep the baby!!.... and your boyfriend will understand... he can't just make you feel like you have to choose... because he did this too.... it takes Two to tango .... GOOD LUCK HUN!!

Answer 7

Wow, that is though. The only advice I can give is what I would do in your situation. I would never get an abortion and I agree, after 9 months of pregnancy I wouldn't want to give up my child. I would also want to keep the baby. I am a stay at home mother and I am still going to school, I take classes online. My husband has a full time job (he is in the Navy) and he also takes classes online. We are both getting our degrees and we are taking care of our 9 month old baby. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and really talk about it. Give him all his options, let him tell you what he wants, maybe you two will come up with something that works for you. Also, talk to your family and if at all possible sit down with him and his family, maybe, if you love your boyfriend, you could get married and maybe that would make his father feel better. I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck.

Answer 8

This is a sad situation for you and the baby. I understand that you are scared. Your boyfriend is showing to you right now his true character. I would expect this kind of reaction from someone you just met but not from a guy that you have dated for 4 years. Just remember that if you chose abortion this is a decision that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Consider going through with the pregnancy and giving it to a loving couple that can give that baby all of the things that you cant give him. Yes it will not be easy for 9 months but it is so worth it to give the child life. My husband and I tried to have a child for years and were in the adoption center ready to adopt when I found out the next day that I was pregnant. Think about what joy this child could bring to an infertile couple. I am just asking you to be unselfish and consider someone other than yourself in this matter. Good luck.

Answer 9

Life is only going to get more complicated from here. You need to do what you feel will be best for you and the baby now. You can't control what you boyfriend does. If he thinks that you are are going to ruin his life by keeping the baby then he needs to grow up. You didn't jump on yourself and get yourself pregnant it took to to make this happen. And hun baby's at the right time are a very joyous thing. And even if you choose to give the baby up you will always think of your baby and always care for him/her but you will also have the knowledge that you child is living in a 2 parent home and they love that child as well. But in the end it is all up to you. If it doesn't seem fair it's because it's not. But it needs to be right. I grew up in a one parent house and turned out just fine. I wish I could be of more help. Good Luck

Answer 10

It is sad that he doesn't want the baby. You do what you feel is right. If you want this baby then keep it. Having a baby won't ruin his life it will just enhance it. He may feel that way now but by the time the baby comes he probably won't feel that way anymore. There are lots of people that goes to school & have a baby. It is possible to do. You did NOT ruin his life by getting pregnant. You need to remember that. He made the decision to have sex with you. You didn't make the baby by yourself. I hope that things work out for you. Good luck

Answer 11

i'd say , BS

Tell him to stay in school but transfer to a school close by

, his parents have helped him this far, they can keep on helping out,

You tell him its best for you and the baby if he finishes college,

and have your baby,keep it too

If his parents are pissed tough Sh!T they'll get over it.

and tell him not to use you and the baby as an excuse to quit school, you can manage on your own, until he can do more

i was a single mom with no support from either family
and i managed without Welfare

so can you, its hard but not too bad especially when you know that there is an end insight.

Now here is the deal, as far as ruining his life, he was the one spitting out the seeds.

and if his overly religios family has a problemn with you being pregnant, they will definately have a problem with abortion, so you could forget about any possible future with the fellow after that.

Good luck

meg