I dont like my husband watching porn or reading porn mags. Is this wrong?

Question

I personally dont care if he reads Maxim, Stuff, or any of those guys magazines but I think that when they have naked girls its too much. He says its not a big deal to him but he still asks to read them. I personally dont like them but is this wrong to feel like this or do I really have low self esteem? Has anybody gotten over things like this. Weve been married for 8 months now, I dont know if that helps.

Answer 1

Oh boy...you are going to get an earful from the people in here that will tell you that you are an insecure person. That is not necessarily the case. You may simply be a woman who like myself, does not approve of her husband looking at other naked women while he is married to you, and you have every right to feel that way, don't let anybody tell you differently.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you expect him to keep his eyes on the prize. Tell him that you would prefer to be married to a gentleman, and a gentleman who is married does not do this. There are men out there who will agree with me, and they are on this forum, even if they are the minority. It doesn't mean the majority are right, it just means that the majority may have less class than you do.
If it's no big deal to him, then it will be no big deal to stop this behavior, will it? :D

Answer 2

Guys like to look at women. Women like to look at women, maybe not naked, but it's natural. I'm married, and my wife doesn't care that I watch porn on occasion... she sometimes watches it with me. Porn is not really the problem from what I've found in past relationships. If you are insecure about some woman, that is in a porno video or magazine, then you really need to work on your trust/jealousy issues. You should realize that if you are married, then you have to trust that person until given a reason not to. Your husband most likely will never meet any of these women. If it bothers you, then just ask him to not do it around you. On the other hand, watching porn can make "some" men, that aren't mature enough to distinguish between fantasy and real-life, crave other women in real life. So, basically you and you hubby need to talk, and come to a mutual understanding that is suitable for both of you. It may spice up your marriage if you can watch it him on occasion. Porn is good in my situation, because it curves my curiosity about new women by viewing new women in porn. And my wife is okay with that. Seeing the same person everyday, forever, can get a little boring for some. So it's better to look at new people in a safe, harmless way. Talk about it.

Answer 3

If you have been married for only 8 months then it is normal to feel that way. You are talking about feeling low self esteem now, wait until you have kids and your body changes you will feel it the lowest then.

I am a guy so I will give you a guys perspective. All guys watch porn married or single does not matter, something we just do to kill time or out of habit. But some of us seem to lose our selves in to porn. Watching it would not be so bad if we spent more time with our wives, complimented them all the time and never made them feel like we were comparing them with the porn star.

We have been married for 10 years and I have been a playboy subscriber for that long, but I have made my wife feel at ease and comfortable about her body, our relationship and our love. This did not happen over night It took many long discussions. Now we both enjoy watching porn together, she has her favorites and I have mine.

The bottom line is, you need to communicate your problem to your husband, several time, cause we (men) never get it the first time. Tell him how it makes you feel and he is not helping you any by self indulging himself into it. He needs to make you feel that you are special and loved first. Good luck.

Answer 4

The fact that it bothers you is ok, and doesn't mean you have low self-esteem. And the fact that he's doing it really isn't a big deal. But the fact that you two are communicating about it, is a great thing. Also the fact that he asks you to read them, way to go girl. Most men hide and sneak about it if there wifes disapprove.
In the beginning it bothered me to, I just felt like I was being compared to those beautiful woman. And lets face most of us don't look like that. But at the same time I always felt loved and wanted, and I did appreciate the fact that he didn't hide it from me, so I thought maybe I was overreacting and decided to let it go, if I could.
Well I found out I could let it go, and the discussions we have had about it really brought us closer. I think that I have learned that men and woman are so different when it comes to relationships and sex. Men are very curios and do enjoy visual stimulation, but visual is not love. Just because a man enjoys pictures of nude girls does not take anything away from how much he loves and adores his wife. In his mind they are two seperate issues.
Be confident in who you are and in your marriage, and I guarantee he will love you even more for it.
But of course if it is something you can't let go, and you find that it is hurting your marriage, then you really need to ask him to stop. Just be prepared for the fact that he might not stop, just start hiding it.

Answer 5

I am not sure why everyone seems to think that appreciating the human body is "a problem". Why is it men who like to look at naked women have a "problem". Why is it not natural to appreciate the beauty that is the female body. I can understand why women don't like to see other women naked. Society tells all women, no matter what they look like, that they are not good looking and there are things that they need to change (thus causing all women to negatively compare themselves to all other women), so any woman that has the self confidence to allow herself to be viewed is either a slut or immoral. Generally women (even those who claim to be confident) have a very low self esteem because of society and the way it actively trys to make women feel imperfect and unattractive. If your man is being faithful and is able to appreciate the human form, then you should consider yourself lucky and allow him to continue to do so. Otherwise he may become like the rest of society and start telling you that you need to lose weight, and wear your makeup differently so your flaws don't show, and wear different clothes to hide your imperfections and all the other ridiculous things that Hollywood and society tell women everyday in both subtle and blatant ways. So again, I ask you, why is it "bad" for a man to appreciate the female body? And if it bothers you that he looks at pictures of naked women because he enjoys the way the female body looks, do you increase the amount of time he gets to spend seeing YOU naked, or just chastise him?

Note: this is not so much directed at the person asking the question as much as to the people who *always say the man has a problem when this type of question is asked (although a large part of it does apply to the person asking as well).

Answer 6

My hubby and went through the same kind of thing when we were first married 30 years ago. I found that it bothered me alot that he would look at these magazines in general and down right irritating that he did it in front of me. I felt disrespected and some how hurt that he didn't feel about me the same that I felt about him. To look at another man naked would have made me almost nauseous as I was so into him but he didn't share that feeling with me if he could look at those magazines. So When he ignored my requests that at least he could refrain from looking at it in my presence, I took the matter in my own hands. The next time he brought one to the couch, sat down next to me and began to look at it, I asked him very pointedly to put it away. He ignored me so I lit a match, put it to the bottom of the magazine and said, "Look fast baby." As a result he has never looked at one in my presence again. I am not suggesting that you do the same. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Men like looking at naked women, and unfortunately they like looking at women they don't know or haven't seen naked before. Its in the genetic make-up, its not like they want to be pervs they are just made that way. Most mens sexual urges are 10 times what the average womans is. Its not healthy if he's buying $100 worth of dvds every month from the adult book store, but the nudey mags are completely normal. Men want to see other women naked, its not about cheating. Just tell him you don't want to see it and not to rub it in your face, make sure he has a good hiding spot and don't invade it. Out of site- out of mind. I had a boyfriend who was so addicted he was buying videos every month, like 10 at a time, he ended up going to the porn convention in vegas after I broke up with him. So just count your blessings. He married you, he obviously wants you.

Answer 8

I personally think you are justified in your feelings, especially since your marriage is so new. It is a matter of respect. If he asked you to not do something because it truly bothered him, you probably would do that because you care.
I was married to someone who did the same, and for him, it turned into a true sex addiction and went way beyond magazines. And it has nothing to do with how available you are in bed.

Answer 9

I personally dont like my husband or boyfriend to have that junk either. I think it's disrespectful. Get you one of those guy magazines for women and see how fast he cries about it. Some women dont mind if they're man looks at that junk but your not them and Iam not them. The only low self-esteem is his. Did he look at those books before you married him? If he did, you cant change it now.

Answer 10

It's ok to feel the way you do...but things could be much worse. The least he can do, if he doesn't stop, is to not watch it in your presence. I don't think you can stop him from looking at other naked women. A lot of R-rated movies have naked women in them, are you gonna expect him to cover his eyes when he sees them?