Sense of security or spoiled and dependent when baby held?

Question

I hold my 4 month old daughter...a lot. When she's fussy, when she's not fussy, when she's content, when she's cooing...if she's awake, chances are good that I'm holding her. I do make sure that she gets adequate "tummy time" when she's awake and alert to make sure her motor development doesn't get behind.
The reason I ask is that I have a friend who has a baby slightly older...and she says she only holds her baby when she is feeding her. The baby seems perfectly content in her pack n play or bouncy seat, don't get me wrong...but her reasoning is that if you hold a baby too much the baby will become spoiled, clingy and dependant. I've heard the same thing from other people...and still others have told me that the baby builds a sense of security and trust with you when you respond quickly to his/her needs.
I love holding my daughter. I will admit that I do it for purely selfish reasons. BUT...I do want to know if this will affect her personalilty negatively

in any way...or if she'll grow into a well adjusted toddler despite the constant stimulation. I do want her to be independant and confident as she grows, and I'm afraid of stifling her in some way. Any help or advice appreciated.

I must also add that she does not show any signs of being dependant on me just yet...she is perfectly content by herself when I do set her down for a while.

I get things done by mastering everything one handed lol. She's a very easy baby...I know I could easily put her down more, I just have an irresistable urge to grab her, talk to her and play with her. She's my last baby, and I went through 6 losses trying to have her...I'm hoping I'm not being neurotic with the holding and end up being overbearing and overprotective when she's older...I hadn't thought of that. :/

I am very concerned with her motor development, and I do put her on the floor several times during the day to give her supervised tummy time. She was two months early so I want to give her every advantage developmentally...I'm really more concerned about the "spoiling aspect" of holding her so much. I'll sneak an additional question in here...for those that do feel that I'm holding her too much...how to supress the urge? It's like I'm a chocoholic and she's a Hershey bar.

I am very concerned with her motor development, and I do put her on the floor several times during the day to give her supervised tummy time. She was two months early so I want to give her every advantage developmentally...I'm really more concerned about the "spoiling aspect" of holding her so much. I'll sneak an additional question in here...for those that do feel that I'm holding her too much...how to supress the urge? It's like I'm a chocoholic and she's a Hershey bar.

Answer 1

I think that's wonderful! Your child will not be spoiled. She is learning that you will always be there for her, which in turn encourages her to be independent, because she knows you will always be by her side.

My oldest son (2) was held constantly, we used a sling and co-sleep to this day. He is curious and courageous and very independent. But he always knows he can come to me when he needs comfort and affection. My youngest (3 months) is also getting the benefit of the sling and always being held. He is developing perfectly.

I absolutely can't wrap my head around those that have children and leave them to their own devices.

Answer 2

It sounds like you and your friend are really doings this one the extreme of both sides. Your friend is denying her baby physical contact which is very important for every human especially a baby. She is hurting her babies emotional development and denying herself so much joy.

You on the other hand need to slow it down. There is nothing wrong with running every time she cries or holding her quite often throughout the day but she does need to have independent time. How do you get anything done?

Neither of my babies ever cried, if they did there was a reason. If I was doing laundry or cooking or cleaning they were in a bouncy seat, activity station or just watching me from laying on the floor (on a blanket). I was always right there but was able to do things as well. I have seen many babies that around 8-10 months old do nothing but cry unless they are in Mom's arms and that isn't fair to you or the baby.
You are building a sense of security and trust with her and doing the right thing but do it with balance. I have a 2 1/2 yr old that is going through a bad stage of always wanting to be touching me and I didn't hold him 24/7, if I had it would be worse.

Good luck and follow your heart!

Answer 3

You go right ahead and keep holding your baby!! Don't let others sway you from your natural motherly instincts. Only you know your baby best. What you are doing is creating a secure, loving bond that will last for a lifetime. As long as you are allowing her some time to be on her own, there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. While you are holding her, talk to her. Show her and tell her about the things in the room, what is out the window, what you are doing. This is how her language skills develop.

My mother did what you are doing and I grew up knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was loved unconditionally and was always safe. I also grew up to be a confident and secure woman with a VERY close relationship with my mother.

Answer 4

Look babies who have their needs taken care of right away are happier babies. But you can hold the child too much. She needs to be down on the floor to learn how to crawl and then to walk. Try getting down on the floor and playing with her more. Leave her down there to play more often. Its good for her and you only want the best for her right? Holding her is not bad but you can overdo it.

Answer 5

You'll get lots of different answers here. I believe it helps them feel secure. Even if they do become clingly for a while, which often happens, when they're older you'll be glad you did. We also co-slept, and my daughter chose to leave our bed at 20 months for a toddler bed in our room, by her 2nd bday we asked her if she wanted to spend her big girl bday in her own room and she did!!

I don't believe it will affect her negatively at all. I think it's funny how people say their kids are more secure because they don't hold them much. My personal take on it: they're not secure, they're just used to not having as much contact, they've learned to become satisfied with soothing themselves. I feel like it's our job as parents to make them feel good, it will become their responsibility when they get older, not before they're even out of diapers!!

Now for your physical needs and posture, I'd reccomend a sling or something because as she gets heavier, it will be harder to hold her. Maya Wrap was my favorite.

Answer 6

Hold that baby all you can, they grow up to fast. I have two children who are 12 and 18, they are just fine and I held them and rocked them to sleep every night until they were 2 or 3. Yes, they need time on their own to play on their tummy and learn things on their own, but it will never hurt to hold them. Your friend who only holds her child when feeding is wrong. You have children for one reason and one reason only.....TO LOVE THEM......

Answer 7

My daughter will be 22 in a few weeks. I held you as much as I could, plus I nursed her. She has grown up into a beautiful, strong, independent woman. She is your baby, enjoy her while you can, they grow up so fast.