Is there something wrong with me?

Question

I don't find anyone attractive any more. I have been hurt by all the guys I have been with and getting hurt now from the one I married. I have been trying to look but I don't find anyone attractive. Let me fix that last sentence, I have been looking only to test myself not because I am looking to stray. I know it is normal to look even if you are taken. Do you think it is because I am so mad or is there something wrong with me?

Just want to add, I get hurt all the time by cheaters. And it has been all around me all my life, my dad even did it to my mom. I have dated many different types so it is not that.
And thanks for the chin ups!!

I just wanted to say thanks, there are allot of guys who responed to this and talked like they are faithful and into love. You gave me some light at the end of my tunnel and thanks for that!!

Answer 1

You have deep-rooted bitterness toward men. For your own sake you need to go through a lot of forgiveness.

Unforgiveness toward all the men that have wronged you is absolutely necessary in order to become yourself and to feel normal again. Don't forgive them because they deserve, because they don't, forgive them to release the poison from your system.

Unforgiveness will ruin YOUR life, it will do nothing to their's.
Please, for your own sake and for your own happyness: forgive, forgive, forgive. That doesn't mean reconcile, it just means to let go of what they did to you to get it out of your system.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die.

Response to additional info: It sounds like you need to establish some strong boundaries for the men in your life.
You know like: "If you cheat, I leave. I will not be degraded by your infidelity"

Answer 2

It is because you are mad. I understand what you are saying about looking; you do still want to know that you are alive and have a pulse, but it is indeed because of where you are at emotionally. There are times when we get in our own head; either we are comfortable with the relationships we're in, or we cannot entertain the idea of anyone because we're not open to anything new. Either way we won't find anyone attractive anymore.

The other aspect to it is that if everyone is hurting you that must mean that you are putting that out there that you can be hurt, on some level. There are times when looking is a lot of work, granted, but if you are walking around with the dissapointment of what the last relationship was like, then it makes you more vulnerable and susceptible to getting hurt again. You begin to close yourself off to people emotionally, which only serves to hurt you in the long run. It is a self-edifying type of thing. Marriage will not help that or make any type of difference, which is why you're getting hurt now.

I am not saying that the hurt is invalidated and not real, just that you wouldn't cheat because you already have that negative perception of people to begin with. Typically people cheat when there is some optimism or positive aspect about the relationship with the person they're cheating with, not when they're looking around the corner expecting to be hurt again. Taking all of the joy out of the relationship, you have no reason to go there, even if you are attracted to that other person.

Answer 3

It is not that you do not find anyone attractive, it is that you see them all as cheaters and that has colored your view of them. Even ones that you may think could be attractive, you probably just wonder how long before they would hurt you and they are no longer appealing to you. You have trusted and that trust has been destroyed so many times that you now fear allowing anyone to have that kind of power to cause you that kind of hurt again. It started with your dad and you need to seek a good counselor that can help you work through it and get past it. There is nothing wrong with you, it is just that you have been conditioned to see all guys as cheaters and hurters.

Answer 4

I can't really help you, but I can sympathize with you. I'm a guy, but I went through it from the other side. My ex treated me like garbage, and left and I didn't see anyone attractive.

If they're good looking I see them as cold, and if they're not I see them as manipulative or whatever.

There was one woman that I went out with for a while after the divorce, more because she showed interest in me than anything, and she really gave me hope. Not the hope that her and I will hook up, because we had differences that we wouldn't ever overcome.

She gave me hope because she was great, and I was attracted to her. I still see women as complaining users that like drama, but I think with time I can get over feeling that nobody is attractive.

I guess all I can offer is that slowly you might get over getting burned, with every new experience that isn't awful.

Answer 5

I am sure it is because you have been hurt so much. If you can work through this with your husband that is great. If not when the right guy takes the time to really make you feel like a princess you will be attracted to him

Answer 6

I got burned by my first marriage and didn't look at another man for many years. I was like you, men just didn't interest me. I guess I sterotyped all men and said they weren't worth giving the time of day to. I don't know what your problem is with your marriage. Maybe there is something about yourself you can change. I'm not saying you are the cause of all the problems you are having with men. maybe your esteem is low and you don't feel like you deserve better. Lift the bar for yourself, make sure you are putting 100% into the marriage and hopefully, he will too. Don't give up on men, though.

Answer 7

everyone goes through a phase in there lives... its called mid life crisis.. i felt so undeserving at times in this point of life.. i felt like there was no one out there for me and that i was just a mistake all my life... i loook at other women and it is not just bc i am male... females can do that too... but if you trust someone with your heart and don't get jealous then you know that the two of you will be together for some time of period... may be short or for the rest of your life...some guys can be asses.. but you know that there are some that may be good on the in side but not too good lookin on the outside..attraction is not everything... it is how you feel about the person.. maybe you are thinkin of dating the same sex?? think of that one for a moment? looks are not everything.. it is the warmth the person gives ya.. peace out and don't be to hard on yourself

Answer 8

uuumm?? My past was not a happy one also. My recent past has been difficult. But, I think the main thing is to know yourself first. You can't love unless you love your self. Its very difficult for some people to know them selves through their Friends. This includes me. So, I started learning about astrology. Its been about 4 years now and I have come to know my self better in those 4 years than I have in the 44 years I have been living. I cant express to you and others reading this, the relief, joy, understanding I have come to know. It is truly awesome!. I look at people and things in a whole new light. People do things and I look at them and think.. Ya, they did that because they are who they are! What they do has NOTHING to do with ME! Its not my fault!. I'm not perfect at all. But, I now know other people are not perfect. You're a good person Nik. Get to know the wonderful, caring, loving person you are please. Regards, Mark

Answer 9

I think after being hurt so much & are still being hurt, you might be looking for a different kind of attractiveness that your not aware of. Instead of looks, your subconscience might be wanting good nature or kindness in a man so your not going to find what we all tend to look for at first {looks or attractiveness} Your going to have to realize your priorties have changed.

Answer 10

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, just with you situation. You need to seek some help dealing with it, counseling for both of you is my suggestion. You can't make the problem go away if it is not addressed. There are alot of organizations out there that will help and even churches. You need to determine if the relationship is worth saving and go from there.