Should my girlfriend and I break up?

Question

My gf and i have been together for 14 months, and at the moment things are amazing. we're both 24 and we've realised that in 5 years time we want very different things - she wants a family, I want to travel and have a career.

She's finished with her travelling and I'm only just beginning so this is something we can't seem to find common ground on. Also i am happy to have a family, but not for another 8-10 years.

What should i do? she seems to think we're doomed and that we should probably end it now and just be friends, but I dont know if i can give up the person I love the most in case things dont work out in 5 years.

I dont want to be selfish and keep her from doing what will make her happy.

Has anyone been in this situation before???

thank you all for your great answers. we had a chat and decided that its not worth giving up just because we might not be in the same place in a few years time. we've decided to stop planning so far ahead and just enjoy each day together and make sure we have fun along the way.

Thanks again xxx

Answer 1

This is just my opinion, but yes, I think that you two should part ways now, while you're still friends.

If you were both truly in love, you'd be willing to make the sacrifices for each other. Part of love is putting the needs of the other before your own needs. It doesn't sound as if either of you are willig to do that, or are even willing to compromise. It is not wrong to have your own goals and dreams, but wouldn't it be more meaningful to share a dream and share a life?

As for what you should do, you are the only person who can make that decision and who knows what is right for you.

I don't envy your predicament. I don't deny that you have feelings for her, or that this may be one of the hardest and most emotional decisions you will have to make.

Good luck, I wish you well.

Answer 2

If you two truly love each other, I am sure you will come to some comprimise when the time comes.
Don't split up over such a small thing, and it is small as people change when the get older, you may realise that you dont want to travel so much after all.
Or she may want to see parts of the world again before starting a family, either way if you two are meant to be together, it will all work out.

It is 5 years away as you said and I life without love is pointless so stay together and the love will grow into such a bond that it dosent matter if you are parted for a while.

Answer 3

Your situation is a common dilemma in most relationships whether they be bi, gay, or hetero. With that said; I honestly feel that if you two are meant to be together then you will be. I know it's not the messy, complicated answer to your question but we all know deep down inside whether our significant other is "the one." Perhaps she isn't and that's why your "differences" are being highlighted as reasons why you guys should no longer be together.

If you and you're girlfriend are happy as a couple right now; then stay in the moment and stop thinking too far ahead of yourselves. You never know what will happen down the road and maybe the two of you can come to a successful compromise. After all that's what people do when they've found soul mates within each other.

But if your'e differences are creating an unsettling riff between you two (in the now) then it's time to go your separate ways. You have to be willing to let love go; in order to find true happiness. If you guys are meant to be; trust that you'll be.

Answer 4

Personally I would stick it out, after all 5 years is a long time one or both of you could change your mind, and Im not being funny but in 5 years things may have fizzled out anyway, afterall I dont believe in forever anymore. I had a gf that I thought I would be with forever and we made plans for 5 years time and we broke up a while ago! ... I would take what you have now and cherish it ... wnjoy your time together and just be happy ... dont think too much about the future just enjoy here and now after all you could get hit by a bus tomorrow ... I have been with my gf now fro nearly 4 months ... Im falling in love with her but she is originally from another part of the country ... she is not sure she wants to stay around here or where she wants to be ... but I have taken my chance with her for the chance of a future. Dont do anything rash, you could end up losing the best thing that ever happened to you !

Answer 5

I am in a similar situation right now... my girlfriend and I have quite the age difference (13 years) and as a result we are at pretty different parts in our lives - different, but not incompatible. I am younger, I still want to do some more traveling, go to graduate school, etc. She wants to be in a stable, healthy relationship.
I'll admit I had some fears that it wouldn't work out because some of the things I wanted to do seemed incompatible with having a girlfriend. But, I didn't want to lose my girlfriend, so I reevaluated my dreams and decided that my relationship was more important to me than being able to be gone for 6 months on a backpacking trip in India. It's not that I won't ever be able to go to traveling now - I still can, just not for 6 months.
Basically, if you both want it to work out, and you're both willing to compromise, there's no reason you can't stay together. You have to be completely honest and open with each other though.
Good luck.

Answer 6

If things are amazing now, then you may as well stick it out. The truth is that you really don't know what is going to happen in the future. She says she wants a family in 5 years. You say you want to travel. You could break up, and guess what? In five years one of you might change your mind or things simply won't go as planned and you'll be looking back and wondering why you threw away a good thing. It is a good thing to have similar goals, but you can't plan your life completely based on what MIGHT happen. That's a rough way to live your life. I know my wife planned on having children within a couple of years of us getting married. I wanted to wait for three or four years. It has been 7 years... no children, and we're both perfectly happy. Discuss it. Keep the lines of communication open. Then move on and see what happens. When you come to that bridge and one of you needs to cross and the other needs to stay, then so be it. Pledge your friendship and part company. But don't throw away the relationship before you really know what is happening. A lot can change in five years. Good luck!

Answer 7

Compromise, compromise, compromise!!!

Ask her to dust off the ole' suitcase and show you some of her favorite places. Then, maybe she could wait a couple more years to start a family and you could start in a couple years sooner. If you are going to have a career, perhaps she might be content to stay at home with the kids for awhile.

At any rate, don't just let it go when it's so good. You'll live the rest of your life dwelling over the what-ifs. People NEVER walk into a relationship wanting the same exact things out of life. Compromise can be so good and work so well that you'll never even miss what you gave up.

Answer 8

I have been there with my husband. He wanted kids early on, and I wanted to wait till I was older (I was 19 when we got married; now, 21). We got a surprise last year that I was pregnant, but I miscarried early on. After starting to look at all that comes in to play when you have kids, it made him think twice and now he wants to wait.

If you two have a good solid relationship, I say stay. My husband and I disagreed on this subject from '04 to the end of '06, and we are still together. Plan for what you want right now. Travel together, have a career, then say in a few years you can talk about kids. Who knows? Her mind may change to wait and yours may change to you want them sooner. Just plan year by year. I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you and your GF! :-)

Answer 9

It's very difficult to find common ground when one person seeks what the other doesn't. It reminds me of the song "Send in the clowns"
I think it's better to be friends apart than ememies together, if that is any help to you. Breaking up a good relationship is very very hard, but sometimes it just has to be done, in order to save ourselves from any unecessary hurt.
I hope you can work things out with your girlfriend, I really do. But if it comes to it and you have to part, then try to do so as friends and always try to be friends.
XX

Answer 10

24 is still quite young and I agree that 8-10 years wait is a reasonable amount of time to wait before having a family. Try to make her see that by that time; you will both be more mature and able to cope with family life. You will have been there, done that and be more content to lead the more restricting life that small children bring.
Good luck.