Men, I would like for you to tell me how it is that you all seem so distrustful, when you have the control?

Question

I mean, I always thought that men had the control in the relationship really. I just need help to understand why so many men fault women, when they have not recognized or either fullfilled their role or moved into the lead role. It would be my course in a situation like this to be upset with my personal self and effect change! I know we all bring our "stuff" to the table, and having stated that, I find that I look for a man to lead more than he is aware that it is necessary, effectively. I think that personal goal setting and improvement is key, and necessary for a truly fullfilling relationship. I consider that I ask questions of this nature, tenacious in a prepatory way, having already been in a long term marriage and looking forward to the next and positively thinking, the best! Sincerely, peace and thanks!

It's interesting what people have to say about this like 50/50 type stuff. Women and men were created for different purposes and their way of approaching is different as well! Someone ultimately must take the reigns, or lead! Very cavalier attitudes, indeed.

Answer 1

This is very well written...but...Maybe I'm not understanding you point on males and being in control of the relationship...
It takes two people to make things work, if one has the role of being the controlling one, the other can lose ones self...
As a female, i feel that i have a alpha personality, I'm a leader not a follower...I just got out of a relationship were my soon to be ex, dominated everything i did...I mistakenly fell in to the role of the submissive one...Slowly i died inside.
In a relationship, i think both parties should communicate how they feel about situations and deal with them accordingly, as a team...
Maybe in some relationships, having a dominate male works...I just cant see how in the long run, this would make both of them happy with their lives....

Answer 2

Blame the Women's Liberation Movement for the confused and often hazy lines in male/female relationships these days. When there used to be clear roles of whom was supposed to do what in any given situation, social discourse was at peace with itself, it's no longer clear in to what role a man should play with a woman. So don't be surprised when a man is confused when a female starts to play her natural role and a man has to throw away all social "rules" of man woman equality and take control. It's confusing and frustrating to have to balance ones natural tendencies with forced social behavior.

Answer 3

I too am disappointed in the laid back ways our men have today. What happened to being the head of the house? Thats why women have to be taking their futures into their own hands. Because the men have failed at their duties as our providers and protectors.
The first suffragette was a woman whos father married her off for financial and political gain to a man who abused her and cheated on her. That was what started the womens movement

Answer 4

Men (and some women) have successfully demonstrated their ability to lead at work -- from military to government to commercial firms. But invariably, the majority these men of leadership position have conceded that role at home. Our choice of colors, shape and materials of furniture, curtains, and walls are ignored. We are charged with investing millions and billions at work but we watch helplessly the wives spending 5 hours in the stores trying to decide which item to buy --- just having to return the items again and again. We have learned, despite our deep knowledge, that the wives ask for our token opinions just so they can say our opinions are stupid.

We have seen hardcharging women at work to drive up productivity. But we see professional women spend 30 minutes lingering in front of mirrors for some apparently very very difficult decisions. Then they speed away, often getting traffic tickets, as they are late to meetings after 30 minutes of productivity time at the mirrors.

Wives want their opinions heard but not the accountability of their decisions-- that's when they say men are in control. But they are quick to remind you the times we are wrong, again and again and again.

But none matters despite truth be told. We are men and our fathers and their fathers passed on to us how it was. The magic for marriage and less heart attacks and lower blood pressure is to act dumb, fat and happy. We must never let on that we know what is really going on.

Answer 5

If he leads the way you want, you are really the leader and he is just your puppet. It seems to me that women don't really want men to lead. They want them to lead the way their told. It's very confusing.

Why not just be equal partners in marriage? Everyone should take responsible for their own happiness. It is not your spouses responsibility to make you happy and fulfill your needs. They ought to try, but ultimately it is up to you. You know exactly what you want and need and how it should properly be done. Who could possibly do it better than you? You can't expect your spouse to just know what you want and do it. People tend to bring up the problems, solutions, and goals that are important to them. If it's important to you, you be the one to bring it. You should also be willing to do most of the work if it's your need.

Answer 6

Number one you assume men have control,They are looking for a woman to lead them as their mothers led and formed them. Father roles are to teach them to fake independence.

Answer 7

here's the deal, most men are not capable of handling responsibility. Where did they get that from, well look who raise the majority of men? moms do, yes men are primarily raised by there mothers and most women do a poor job of giving there sons the discipline they need so they grow up to be irresponsible immature people.