Is it healthy to always expect something in return for doing things?

Question

I know someone (could be me) that always needs to hear praise for doing chores and favors for others. This someone will get really upset (really, seriously upset (like ruin the whole day upset (maybe whole few days upset))) if nothing is said about the good deed done.

I want to know is there a name for this type of person also if it is a mental health problem. if so, are there any real tips of helping the person.

Answer 1

two things come to mind.
You really need a lot of assurance.Just being young and lacking confidance yet.
and you may have not been praised or even OVER praised for something you have done from the bottom of your heart. or by being courtious
Start a journal keeping track of things you should have gotten a "star" for but nobody noticed or thanked you .
NEVER follow people around asking them
"did I do good, Ernie.. Huh Ernie??? huh??huh??
Some times praise is a wink or a smile or a sigh of relief. A babies smile is a reward. a horses nicker is a reward and a dog that didn't bite you is a reward.
YOU are not doing a favor if you expect to be paid.
Favors are free.
Next time someone wants you to do them a favor tell them you do not do favors right now. Tell them you will do it only if you are praised highly and you are the hero of the day.
See how many people are friendly at the end of that day. One more thing. You must also pay people ...1 dollar for any favor(just in your journal mind you) from mom picking the burned stuff off your toast, to your brother tossing you the remote and a teacher letting you use the restroom after class has started. and the kid that moved his feet as you go by. Do you praise these people?
You might...with a smile, a smuggled giggle ,relief or a happy face, but you do not give your sister a thank-you note for getting you a new roll of toilet paper. I know you don't lol but you appreciate it more that you will EVER tell me. Think it over...You are appreciated too.

Answer 2

Wishing something in return is normal but get really upset like ruin the whole day is stupid and childish.
I believe how to be sincere can be found in lots of books. How to practise in a training also you can find it in books or a class.
I do it through practise; I am the eldest and inclined to think that I knew better than my little bro & sist. I also thought that I had to help them. I always and literally always got s***t from them, and I was really angry ; I know they did it because the way I said it or did it. So I stopped help and advise them unless they asked for, which through my parents not direct.
(they told my parents that they regret,). I know why... because they find that what i said is very usefull and based on my love and care. I am no more angry and I said to myself that they can take it or leave it, my suggestion may not perfect but I do and say the best I can and honestly and they can seek for further information to complete it.

Answer 3

it takes all kinds to make a world and this seems innocuous compared to mental health problems personally I'm close to the opposite.
,but what could it hurt to give some praise ,a little kindness sometimes is more encouraging than therapy. Even if a large percentage of the world is neurotic who will pay for the therapy for so many.If that makes no sense or doesn't help find a good therapist it probably is worth the cost .

Answer 4

This someone need to get some confidence in themselves. Its called low self-esteem. There could be another word for it that a counselor or psychologist can tell them and help them with. You cant look to other people to make you feel good or better about something. You have to make you feel good. When you Expect something, its just setting yourself up to feel let down.
You should want to do nice things because it feels good, not because someone praises you for something. Thats pretty self-centered, its just not all about you..... And trust me people are gona get sick of doing this for you. Letting one thing ruin a whole day may mean they have a little depression too? They or you should to talk to a counselor, Pastor or psychologist about this. Take care of yourself.

Answer 5

I can't answer most of your question but I can answer part of it.

I have always found that doing something good for someone is it's own reward, It really makes me feel good. I think needing to be praised for your good works is a indication of selfishness. It should be enough to know you did something good without having to receive recognition for it.

I would like to ask your someone about their spiritual beliefs. Do they provide your someone any insight into how they should feel and the reason they feel the way they do?

Answer 6

Well you could be a narcissist.

Or you could just be sick of being a doormat.

Everyone needs to be told they're good and are doing well. You may just take it a little out of hand.

But feeling upset when you aren't praised for your work isn't a bad thing.

"Someone elses need is not a claim on your ability."

Answer 7

There is a book named The Five Love Languages. Everybody has one: Receiving gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, and acts of service. These are what makes each individual feel loved, needed, appreciated.. etc. It seems that your friend's language is "words of affirmation". Maybe they are needing to feel accepted and appreciated more than usual for some reason, and this need for encouraging, kind, humble...etc words is being amplified because of it. Try asking if everything is okay? If he/she is feeling overwhelmed, or feeling like they are doing everything for everyone. You may even suggest reading that book! Hope this helps. It's nice that you care so much about your friend's well being. :o)

Answer 8

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Answer 9

At the risk of sounding like a social psychologist, I will say that one who always expects something in return for doing things is somebody who has as the basis of her relationships an "exchange relationship." Social psychology looks at "equity theory."

This kind of person feels really uneasy if somebody else does something nice for them. They feel that the scales of "Equity" always have to be in balance. If they do something for somebody else, that person should do something for them. If somebody does something "unsolicited" for them, they feel uncomfortable about the situation. They feel that they must reciprocate.

I have a problem with people who act like that. Where is the altruism? Where is the idea of just doing something because it is the right thing to do? Is there unconditional love in your family? Do you always expect something in return for whatever you do? Are you really that "MERCENARY"?

What about RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS? ? ? ?

Answer 10

you are subjecting yourself for further & greater dissapointments. ...

so when you do something, never expect anything in return or might as well do not do/ or try to help at all.

it will be a never ending cycle of depression should you continue doing this & expect favors in return.

your life is doom to fail always.