Getting over the past?

Question

I cannot get over the past at all. Thinking about it brings on such extreme emotion and even sometimes panic attacks. A lot of stuff happened that I was not proud of at all a long time ago when I was dating my boyfriend. We broke up for a little while, and eventually got back together where I told him a lot of what happened in the past, but some things I kept to myself because they would be painful and to some degree pointless but I just hate feeling like he's always been sooo good to me and I've just taken and taken in the past and I know I should move on and not even bother to think about things and my slate has technically been wiped clean but I hate feeling like I'm keeping things even though it shouldn't really matter. My own mother who is religious and has great morals and even told me to forget about anything, it doesn't matter what I've told him because I've changed so much and have completely learned my lessons but it's so much easier said than done. Anxiety is making it hard.

Answer 1

if you still have guilt, you haven't wiped the slate clean.

maybe someone has forgiven you, but you haven't forgiven yourself.

my first suggestion is to just spill your guts either to your boyfriend or best friend or journal...but hopefully to your boyfriend so that he knows everything and can make a better judgement of character (not only for whatever it is you didn't tell him but the courage you had to say it).

also i don't know your situation. i don't know if this is somehting you did or something that happened to you or what. but, its been my experience that you don't always have to give all the information. some things i've been through, i don't go into detail over. but i let people who are important to me know where i was mainly wrong and how it might effect them. the rest is left to the dust.

if it eats you up try writing it all out and then stick in a box and bury it our burn it. the idea is to physically watch the pain and suffering and negativity go away. it is to symbolize the act of it all going away.

dive in to what ever your spiritual beliefs are and find comfort in mercy and love. your boyfriend is with you because he cares about you. he's been able to care for you beyond the things that have happened in your life that you aren't proud of so be on his side ya know? look past and look above and look beyond the mistakes and the things you're not proud of and look at the courage it took to admit fault or to admit any past at all.

the fact that you're trying to deal with it all shows great courage and a true heart. give yourself some credit. God Bless you.

Answer 2

You really need to stop being so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself. The past is done, you can't change it. It sounds as if you have really grown up and learned some things and that is the important thing now. If you have a person you are very close to and can trust, it helps to share things. I know its easier said than done, but stop thinking about the past and think about today and the future. Make some plans, set some goals and think about those things. Think about the people in your life who have stood by you and be grateful for that. You're just human like the rest of us. You're on the right path, look ahead so you don't run into a tree or something.

Answer 3

Getting over the past is very difficult... I empathize with a lot of what you are saying, have you ever thought you might have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)? What I think you should do is sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel flat out, holding nothing back. This may help you feel better. If not you should take an online symptoms test to see if you fit the criteria for GAD. I have it and the medications help with the anziety and the panic attacks... Well Wishes!

Answer 4

It sounds like you want to be happy and anxiety makes that harder. Kahlil Gibran said "Each person has a cup of joy inside of them but they cannot drink from it, save (unless) they forget the past and renounce the future."

See saying by Abraham Maslow on site below. Read the short article which will help you to live more in the present, the eternal now. In reality, you are beyond time and space. Learn this and you can feel perfect peace and limitless happiness.

Answer 5

Think of it this way....

What does feeling guilty do for you ? Nothing.
What does blaming yourself do ? Nothing.
Why not just love yourself more...and understand you made
some mistakes. All of us do. Just don't make the same
mistake....that should be your goal. You DO need to forgive
yourself....and move on. The past in only in your head. All you
have is here and now, stay in the present. And have hope for
your future. God Bless.

Answer 6

Some say feelings are blind things of nature with no mind or will of their own, but we let them drive us like a leaf in the mindless wind. Their is no reason to deify or personify or to pay homage to our feelings, because they are no more alive than wind, running water or gravity. Attaching such importance to them helps them drive us down. That is not the direction we want to go. Have compassion for those in the past who hurt you because they were driven blindly by their feelings and will suffer consequences because it is impossible to hurt someone else with hurting yourself.

Answer 7

There is no point reminiscing the past...........in life you have to move on..

"To keep you balance, you have to keep on moving" quoted by Einstein (if i'm not mistaken)

i agree it's easier said than done...that's why many people here can give you advice....it's based on the fact of life..if it's the contrary...you'll get none advice.

Answer 8

chalk it up to experience and learn to concentrate on the present for the here and now as well as the future . If you can absorb yourself in the positive things available in the now you aren't doing enough ,you need to learn to meditate or both.
And remember advice is only as good as the person who is able to utilize it .
peace