If the shoe is on the other foot, does your answer change?

Question

I just got done reading a question posted by a guy about a lazy wife. Most of the female responses were, "Remember the marriage vows 'for better or worse', or maybe she's depressed, or she should see a doc, etc...."

Now how come some of these same folks would (and have in some cases) answered that a lazy husband needs, "to be told clean himslef up, or your gonna leave him. You have to train the man. If he's messy, 'I give him an area of one room he can be messy in, he has to keep the rest of the house clean.'"

Why is it that when the man casues a problem in the spousal relationship, most women (and some men) insist that he must correct it, that his feelings are insignificant, and his needs (sexual and otherwise) are baseless.
Yet when its a woman causing a "problem" or "issue", she MUST have her feelings taken into account, then she might be depressed, her thyroid might be out of whack, etc... ???

Why man = ultimatum but women = you must try to understand Double Standard?

Answer 1

I agree, I did not answer about the lazy wife, but he has a right to feel frustrated and annoyed and helpless. In our society women usually are the worker bees so I think there is a general disbelief that a man is Doing it all!
My marriage really improved when I learned what you said about 5 years ago, I thought my feelings counted, I always felt like we should think about how things effect me and I completely forgot to pay attention to his feelings and resentments. I thought only mine counted! Once I learned differently, it was much better here.
The lazy wife may not care what he thinks anymore, but heads up to women who do, if you don't pay attention to how your husband feels, he will find someone who will.

Answer 2

I use to wonder about that myself but really what you are seeing is a select few. But the times are changing.....like men women are slow to change and some will have to find out the hard way. Men watched the women's movement and women have become more emancipated unfortunately some not all women started running the me program and it's all about me and if you don't like it I will find someone else and women ran that program to the hilt. Now they have a major problem! Over the last 50 yrs the male to female ratio has changed drastically and now women out number men 5 to 1 and men now are in control if we don't like what one women does there are 4 others to replace her women were so use to controlling the relationship they don't see it slipping from there fingers. I think most men have become more sensitive to women's needs but we want the same in return......

Answer 3

Its stems from the old beliefs of women needing to be protected.
In all truth women should suck it up like the rest of us and grin and bare the hard times.
Men need to re-educate themselves that women are not weaker and therefore should treated like equals which means tell them to their face that their crap stinks.

The emotional arguments women use can easily be countered with "I feel you are wrong."

Anything the woman will say after that is "An attempt to disregard the male emotions."

Then walk away and do what you want.

Answer 4

I wouldn't marry a man who didn't clean up after himself if I expected a husband of mine to do so. I would have made that decisions BEFORE I took my vows I would have gotten to know that man I was marrying well enough to determine whether I could take his habits and quirks for the rest of my life.
Same goes for this guy, if he didn't want to marry someone lazy like his wife then he should have gotten to know her better and determined whether he COULD tolerate her laziness...Now that he's married and has two kids this could split an entire family in two.

Answer 5

i think it is because women rule the world in our eyes and in men's eyes. You are right...very hypercritical!! i try to believe in equality, but if there is a spider in the bathtub my man better come kill it becasue I am a women and too scared of a little spider. I can however pour hot wax on myself and rip out all my hair (waxing).
LOL you are right though!!

Answer 6

Another man who finally sees the light!! Welcome to the men's club. Now, shut up, act dumb fat and happy, and turn on the selective amnesia, you might live happily thereafter. The strategy is: we know what is going on, but we don't want them to know that we know

Answer 7

Amen preacher. If you find that answer let me know. Ha ha. in fact all of us guys on the planet would like to know that one.

Answer 8

i agree with you totally i'm a women there is no reason to put up with crap from your wife or hubby. CRAP IS CRAP no matter how pretty you try to make it smell.

Answer 9

I totally agree with you and have noticed that to. Great question!

Answer 10

if the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have said, "Maybe he is depressed, tell him to please get help or else" same answer either way...