lets say a married couple around 23 who has 2 small children under 2.....he likes to watch porn all day in a locked room now since i had back to back pregnancies things well dont look the same with my body is that why he wants to now watch porn because he doenst think im beautiful anymore orhe wants someone else .....the first time i walked in on him playing with it to these beautiful ladies its like burned in my head that thats what he wants im ashamed of my body now and i close my eyes when touches me and see her is there something wrong with me or am i abnormnal and crazy
2007-06-26 09:41:03 · 18 answers · asked by shawty_from_fl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're not crazy at all. You're probably a good mother and a good wife, while your husband retreats into fantasyland. Meanwhile, he's not being a good husband or a good father if he is spending his time doing that instead of taking care of his family. He sounds very ungrateful, very selfish, immature, and certainly not a gentleman.
I don't know what can be done to make these type of guys grow up and appreciate the wonderful families that they have. I wish more women would stand up for decent people instead of these skanks that make these videos.
I don't care what any of these other people say about porn, I'm seeing so many women have these problems with their husbands and I have them too. Now I'm just tired of it and will speak out everytime about what it means to grow up, and become a gentleman, and these guys aren't.
It's only natural that you feel very uncomfortable about what your husband is doing. Besides spending his time imagining he is having sex with someone other than you, he is obviously neglecting his family by locking himself in a room, no matter what he does in there, the porn issue aside.
Get him into counseling quick.
2007-06-26 12:51:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. There is nothing wrong with you. First of all, watching it all day is a problem and there is something wrong with him for that - it reminds me of dog that came into the vet clinic that learned how to masturbate and wouldn't stop, we finally had to put it out of commission if you know what i mean.
Anyways, try to look at humans in light of evolution. Men have these reproductive organs that make them aggressive and one-track minded because in the caveman days there was no status quo to attract the ladies - it was simply plant your seed and continue the race. Women have a need to connect emotionally much more than men because the race has a better chance of surviving when daddy is around. But if you and your husband love each other then you need to learn to use it when you don't understand each other. Right now you don't understand why he is watching porn and Im going out on a limb but he probably doesn't understand either. Well, men evolved to be attracted to "ripe" women or girls because that is the most successful way to carry on the race - with young, viable, and healthy mothers. Humanity wouldn't have existed long if men or boys said "hmmmm, I think I will wait until she is more advanced in her years so that she will have the wisdom to raise our child in a better fashion" I used the term girls and boys because what we think of adolescence was the "ripe" age back then.
Remedies to this problem:
You can try to support him in his fantasies and even be a part of them if you can. You can go to a church where they will demonize his actions and give him sinners counseling. You can divorce him or leave him. You can have your own affair with a material possession. You can hit the gym and change the way you look for him. You could ignore him
but don't forget that you need emotional connection....
When you caught him in the act he was in his cave, a private place, and even though you are married you still intruded on him. Getting to be comfortable with each other at this point in your lives is the next big step in your marriage. So I think family activities should be the plan for right now to get him to emerge from ... that. Then activities for the two of you to do together that require both of you to communicate well and work together. Such as creating a budget in order to save for a vacation. Or something more active like riding bikes, hiking, camping, water skiing. There is a saying that "a couple that plays together, stays together". With that being said, I think you should really try to understand that he is just being a guy with this porn stuff but you deserve emotional connection. And locking himself up away from his family is messed up.
2007-06-26 17:15:06 · answer #2 · answered by Spanglish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he rather watch the porn then there is a problem but not with you, with him. Also if your sex life hasn't returned to a normal state since the back to back pregnancies it might explain his porn obsession. Did you have a great sex life before and now it is almost non-exisitant? Maybe that is more the problem then your changed body image but a good healthy work out routine will give you a boost of confidence it sounds like you need.
2007-06-26 16:49:45 · answer #3 · answered by Miya Miya 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is wrong to use porn and it has nothing to do with you. He gets a "rush" from it as it's "naughty and wrong" so that's why he does it - he is addicted to it at this point. He won't get help until he realizes it's a problem or until you tell him to get rid of the porn and mean it. You can have the internet turned off or get some porn blocking software installed. Let him know how hurt you are when he does this as he is giving his sexual attention to "other women" and not you as he should. They are getting what belongs to you.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and there is nothing wrong with you or your body. It's your husband that has the problem. Hopefully, he will get some help.
2007-06-26 16:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by Stefka 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are hormonal. Men like porn. Plain and simple. Just because they like to watch others having sex doesn't mean he wishes you were like any of those women. Please do not take it personal. Now unless of course... say you are wanting to get some and he would rather beat off to a porn.. THEN I'd say there's a problem and you can take it personal. But if you have two small children then he doesn't have the time to be sittin in his locked room all day. You do know how to throw a circuit breaker right? Shut the power off to his room if he wont get off his lazy butt and help with the kids. lol
2007-06-26 16:54:53 · answer #5 · answered by Sharlala 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your not crazy, its just that your husband is an a$$hole. Every guy watching porn, but one has to balance between wife, kids, family and porn. Men just get obsessed over porn and neglect their spouses. Porn can be used to means of foreplay and enjoyed by both, but if they stop using their dick head and used their heads, that would help....
Don't let any image make you feel less of yourself, you are just married to a jerk and there is not much you can do about it.
2007-06-26 16:56:52 · answer #6 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be asking him this and telling him how it makes you feel, etc. If you arent as responsive to him, because of how you feel he sees you(which you dont know the truth because you havent asked him) then you guys need to talk, have a private chat. Porn all day is no excuse, no man should be doing that all the time unless they have an addiction. If he is not addicted, he will stop that and pay more attention to you his wife--this is his issue, so dont take the load of that...
2007-06-26 16:51:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have 3 kids 11 yo 9 yo and 6 month old my hubby and i both enjoy porn. I'm the same weight as when we married. I know he still wants me he and i both like to look at what else is out there. WOMEN who are very anti porn are also totally insecure about them self. Having pregnancies one on top the other is very hard on your mind and body I do hope you space the next one out it has taken a toll on you. Your young to be tied down with 2 lil kids. porn is fine to a extent what he's doing sound a bit deviant and gross it has NOTHING to do what you thou it's his issue
2007-06-26 16:49:48 · answer #8 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Porno is a very bad addiction. If he loves you ,it shouldn't matter to him what you look like....Maybe you could compromise....tell him if he stops watching porno, both of you could go to the gym together.... You'll start feeling better about yourself....It'll get his mind out of the gutter too...
2007-06-26 16:53:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're not abnormal or crazy. any normal wife would be upset to find her husband looking at porn. talk to him about it, if necessary, seek counseling. this can ruin any trust and love in your marriage. it's not about you or your body. it's about him and his addiction. tell him to make a choice of your family or his addiction.
2007-06-26 17:07:31 · answer #10 · answered by miss h 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋