Hello everyone. I've been dating this guy and we have talked about marriage, what the name of our first two child will be (which we plan on having children two years from now), where were going to move to, what type of house we want, we talk about everything together. But I'm leaving to go to Iraq in a month (which I just found this out a week ago). I'm going for a year as a contractor. He's in the military he going to Iraq in January.
I'm scared that he will cheat on me and i dont think I want to be in a relationship while I'm over there. He always assures me that he wouldnt cheat on me.
The time that I've known him he's always been honest except for once. I told him I didnt want he talking to this female anymore cause I knew she liked him and he continued to talk to her behind my back and I found out one day when my phone was dead and I used his phone. It turned into a big agruement and I almost decide to leave him but didnt.
Just wants someones opinion on us staying together
2007-06-26 08:32:25 · 24 answers · asked by fiestylady 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you're ready for marriage, then you're ready to face the issues of marriage. It sounds like you're trying to rush into things with him, yet you haven't even found a solid foundation yet. The fact that you worry that he may cheat screams to me that you just aren't ready for mariage yet.
You HAVE to learn to trust him. You can just tell him who he can and cannot talk to. That's far too controlling. Your insecurities of yourself and your relationship are going to drive you two a part if you aren't careful.
I think you both NEED this year about. I would stop day dreaming about kids and marriage and focus on your relationship NOW. Strengthen it for AT LEAST 2 years before looking into marriage.
If your relationship is strong enough to last through 50 years of marriage, it's strong enough to last through at least 2 years of dating.
2007-06-26 08:37:47 · answer #1 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We'll sorry to hear that. If there is no trust now it may get worst later so make a decision now before things turn out ugly. You both don't need to go to Iraq tripping on eachother. DO what you have to do over there come back and if you guys still want to do all those things you talked about then go through with them. Follow your heart but feeling like this the way you are thinking is not healthy for neither one of you. Good Luck!!!
2007-06-26 09:00:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may have some trust issues. If you love this guy enough to plan marriage and kids, what reason do you have to assume he will cheat on you? As a military spouse, I can tell you that it's more likely that a wife or gf will cheat while he's gone (not you personally, just people in general) than for him to cheat on you. But you're right, if you can't get past this fear that he'll cheat on you, you do NOT need to be with a military guy. For that matter, you don't need to plan a wedding with ANYONE if you don't trust them entirely.
It sounds like you guys have a good relationship, and I hope you can work out this fear you have. Good luck!
2007-06-26 08:38:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are scared he will cheat then you don't trust him in the first place. If you don't trust someone why would you make all these plans with them?? Why don't you "think" you want to be in a relationship while in Iraq? This makes no sense. It sounds like you've been living a fantasy and reality caught up with you. I do not think either of you need to continue this relationship. Sounds like it's based only on immaturity, distrust, and fantasy. Sorry, Don't care about thumbs down, you asked and I'm being honest.
2007-06-26 08:36:45 · answer #4 · answered by Mickey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart , only you knows what type of man he is. All i can suggest is that you sit and talk to him about not being together. Ask him questions like if we were to break up or more like put your relationship on a pause do you think that it would survive when we do come back from over seas. If he says that he is willing to hold off on the relationship is kind of a good thing then you don't have to worry to much about if he cheating on you . It puts your mind at rest for that period of time. On the other hand if you all decided to be together then you have alot to work out . At the end of the day you be true to yourself and be true to your relationship.
2007-06-26 08:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by diddyvi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
U have to ask urself how much u love him and weather u can trust him. I feel that trust is the basic foundation of any relationship. These questions about him that u r having show that u do not trust him completely and u have a reason for that. I feel that there is no love were there r doubts and a lack of trust. Now, when ever u will see him with a female or see him talking to one, u will have doubts. I don't think that ur relationship would work.
2007-06-26 08:41:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't trust him, then there isn't much of a relationship left. To be fair to both of you I suggest that, you agree to "take a break" in your realtionship for the year or so that you both are in Iraq.
During that time each is free to be true to one another - or not. The only thing owed to one another is honesty and keeping in touch. If one of you decides to stray then that's OK - but he or she should let the other know - and discuss what that means about getting back together - or not.
I think this will give your significant other and you, something to think hard about. If you two can make it through this and stay true to one another you can make it through anything, - providing you both remain faithful, - and you believe him if he says that he has.
If you just don't trust him anymore then cut him loose now, and don't waste another year of your life and his.
2007-06-26 09:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by jtrall25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is no problem at all in you letting things cool off for a bit. You are going to be going through a big change in moving, and may not need the added stress of a long-term relationship.
There is nothing preventing you from getting back together later on, once you are co-located and less busy,
2007-06-26 08:37:10 · answer #8 · answered by sevenscarabs 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're going to be away for that length of time, I have a feeling if you stay w/your b/f you're going to do nothing but worry about him & what he's doing back home. If you already have mistrust feelings about him & he's rite there, you honestly know it's going to be worse when you leave. Why don't you just leave on a friendly basis & keep in touch if you want, but don't hold one another to not seeing other people. In other words, have an "open" relationship. In all fairness I think this would be best for both of you. IF it was meant to be when you both are back in the same area, believe me, it w/be. True love never dies & does find a way of rekindeling itself. But for both your sakes, why not put less stress on yourselves & leave it open when you seperate.
2007-06-26 08:39:55 · answer #9 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey Fiesty, I think you have already made your mind up that you want to leave. You should trust your instincts. You really don't need me or anyone else to verify and back up what you already know in your heart is right. Wow, you are going to Iraq for a year, that is a long time to be away from home!! You have my prayers and my utmost respect........Sincerely, Kandice
2007-06-26 08:41:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋