Would you take this the wrong way?

Question

I have a younger cousin who is 20 and her bf now fiancee is 19 yrs old.They plan to wed this September she plans to get pregnant soon after to become a stay at home mom and let his rock or heavy metal band pay the bills to support them.My family is less than thrilled about the marriage and arrangement.I gave her the same advice our grandmother gave my older sister.Which is to have money in your own name because you never know what could happen to take a little bit of money each week to put into savings account .My cousin flipped and said i was making it sound like her marriage would not work?

I meant no harm!I only want her to protect herself by having a little of her own money.

Answer 1

she is grown. let her live. go and live your own life. you seem bored. get a hobby

Answer 2

It sounds like your cousin is feeling defensive because she thinks the family is not supporting her plan. I think you gave her good advice, but she might not have wanted to hear another person imply her marriage wouldn't work. Sometimes the people who love you the most are the only ones who say what you don't want to hear.

Even though she reacted that way, hopefully it will get through to her. I know it's hard to watch younger family members screw up, but if it doesn't work out at least you are there for her. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Very good advice. Take it for someone who knows.You can NEVER think that your marriage is perfect and will last forever.I made that mistake.I was married for 25+ years and out of the blue he left for a younger women. Thank God I had put away a little of my own money.When people split up you can't just spend out of the joint account.That is the other persons money too.It has to all be worked out with a lawyer.But the money you have in your name alone is what may make the difference between having a roof over your head and food in your belly and support for your children.

Answer 4

It is good advice but it does go against the trust that a marriage is built on. Older women told me the same thing when I became engaged at 23. I disagreed with them but I smiled and thanked them for their advice. They had all been divorced. My husband and I have been together for 18 years and I still don't have a separate bank account. It's just a personal choice that I made with my husband to share our money. Your cousin is young and in love and cannot see any possibility of hard times ahead. If you and your family are truly concerned for her welfare, then start a little account for her and you can all contribute to it. Don't tell her about it. When and if she falls on hard times, her family will be there to help her out.

Answer 5

She is young, and she will have to learn the hard way. There's nothing any of you guys can do. Young people often take things the wrong way - don't be offended or put off. I happen to feel the same way you do, but I'm 32 years old, on my 3rd marriage, and have been supporting myself on my own since I was 18. Understanding and wisdom comes with experience - right now, she's all starry-eyed, and nothing can change that but the real-life difficulties and trials.

Answer 6

Oh you are a good cousin. I would do the same what are the odds that this bad is going to make it big come on now lets be for-real!
She need to have a savings account and try to save as much money as she can before September. Also I wouldn't tell him about it.

Answer 7

Statistics show that marriages today in the U.S. have 50% chance of going the distance. Statistics also show that Americans marry 2.5 times in their lifetime. Based on what you are saying, it appears to me that your cousin is caught in an illusion of marrying one of the boys in the band. Your cousin will have to be very open minded to keep up with her rocker boyfriend. And as for having a baby with him, that is a critical mistake on her part because she may be having the baby to tie him down to the responsiblity of the marriage and the commitment to her. Not to mention that women at a bar after a few drinks...well, things happen. Remember, love hurts.

Answer 8

Andromeda M, No but way back it was called a nest egg. For unexpected bills,like dental or medical. Or household suprises like appliences going bad. Lots of little things that cost big bucks ! The most expensive of all of course would be having kids ! Let them read this and they may see your point. The list could go on and on !

Answer 9

No, I wouldn't take it the wrong way, you're just looking out for her and telling her a just-in-case. My mom told me the exact same thing, not that I'm getting married. Personally, the whole band paying the bills is not the best option, I don't think it'll work at all. She should see it as her family is just looking out for her and care about her.

Answer 10

i think people take it the wrong way when they are uncomfortable in the relationship in anyway. what she is attempting to do it very old fashioned and immature. you never know it could end up working out, but your advice to her was good. in this day in age many marriages have prenuptial agreements and they are there for a reason. divorce rates are high and you never know what can happen. i think initial reaction to the comment is typical and she might come around. hopefully she thinks about what has been said to her and takes it seriously.

Answer 11

She doesn't understand life lessons yet. And you being the older one she should know to learn from. Its true.. regardless of how happy your relationship is or not just for your safety they should always have their own money to fall back on.

You can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Just let her know regardless of the whole situation you are always there to fall back on. Remember she's family and families stick together.