How do you NOT get defensive in therapy when they start querying your parents parenting skills?

Question

I was getting really defensive last week, and need to calm down for tomorrow's session

Answer 1

Why? It's therapy; tell the therapist exactly how you feel. They will need to adjust their approach, but that's their job so let them have it; but don't give up on her/him since s/he are just human too. You know how sometimes people make mistakes at work, well so do they and they need to learn from them too.
It's a process for everyone involved when it comes to therapy. And (please don't be offended- I don't know your situation) maybe you got defensive because there is something there that your refusing to deal with, or maybe it wasn't about the actual topic at hand but how it was presented, or the mood you were in that day.
Why get angry over the past? And who cares what your therapist says about your parents or anyone else? The therapist is trying to help you help YOURSELF. You are the one that needs to really be doing most of the analyzing. There is some validity to helping someone by understanding who and how their personality is formed which would include but not be limited to the parents. Personally I think siblings have more to do with it, but that is just my opinion.


I wonder if Swapan is back in therapy. Sounds like s/he has got some anger and inpulivity issues.

Answer 2

There's no handbook on being a parent and theres no way of being a perfect parent all we can do is try our best. I cannot understand how someone would say that "brushing up on your parenting skills" would maybe help in some way with your daughters tomboyish ways. I was a toyboy for most of my younger years. It had nothing to do with how my parents were bringing me up, it was more about how I liked to dress and the activities I used to enjoy doing (you could always find me stuck up a tree somewhere ha). There was nothing at all my parents could have done to change me, I used to like all the things boys liked. As soon as I hit my teenage years though it all changed. I discovered make up, fasion etc and before you know it I turned into the woman I am today.. a make up loving junkie haha. Don't feel that you are doing anything wrong at all in the way you are bringing your daughter up. I'd only start to worry IF the time came where she started doing illegal things.. i.e. drug taking, stealing. Thats when I think you need to look at how you brought her up.

Answer 3

Well... Hm... lets see. By typing "they"I'm assuming you are in group therapy. In group you are always going to get different opinions. Just listen. The group will work two ways. Question and or defend. Just go with the flow. As much a some people hate it,(not necessarily you) the majority IS usually right.

Answer 4

if you feel your parenting are right , why not get defensive. after all they're your kids and the doctor is just another human with ideas he got from books. defend your rights, therapists are only human!

Answer 5

Yeah, I thought my parent did the best they could. I feel terrible after I see her. She has done more damage. I'm not going back.

Answer 6

maybe she hit a nerve, maybe you got defensive instaed of facing a truth you don't want to face?

Answer 7

tell them how u feel. they probably werent trying to balme u, just to get an idea of ur lifestyle, if u tell them that their aproach is making u uncomfortable, they will most likely adjust it.

Answer 8

I ignore those question.
Once I walked out.

Answer 9

That's a tough one.

Answer 10

i din't have the best mom, she and i both know it