A friend of mine is in a bad relationship. Her husband is mentaly abusive to her, and very controling. He isn't her sons real dad but her son calls him dad. Since they moved and she can stay at home her son is doing better in school and has a better attitude. She hates the situations she's in but doesn't want to leave because of her son. She's afraid of what it will do to him. He's 10 years old right now. She wants me to give her advice on what to do and because of her son, I don't know what to say. Any advice?
2007-06-26 07:01:16 · 24 answers · asked by d_marie_n 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As her friend, your answer to her should be..."I will support you no matter what decision you make."
Telling her what you think she should do could come back to haunt you. You need to be VERY careful when giving out life changing advice. Some people will throw it back in your face if things don't work out the way they planned.
I have been in a very unhappy marriage for a long time. I have stayed for my children, thinking it was the right thing to do. My oldest son is now 17, and I see him turning into his father more and more every day. It breaks my heart. I can't help but believe if I had left when he was young, his father wouldn't have been able to influence him so much. But as they say hind sight is 20/20.
Your friend needs to do what she feels is the right thing. She should keep in mind that the chances are very good that her son will grow up to treat women the way he sees her being treated. She needs to ask herself if that is a risk she is willing to take.
2007-06-26 07:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one should stay in an abusive relationship because of a child. If the child wants to see the dad then there are ways to set up times for that to happen.
If the mom is in an unhealthy situation, then it will become difficult for her to take good care of her son. The son may not understand now, but will in the future. This sort of things is not unusual and there are people he can reach out to and talk to. Likewise for the mother.
2007-06-26 07:19:13 · answer #2 · answered by virginiajsmith 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, if he is witnessing this kind of behavior, he too is being abused.It is not healthy for a child to see these behaviors. He will grow up and think this is normal and may go on to treat women like this. And who knows, maybe as he gets older he will begin to get the abuse directly. If the "dad" were a positive influence on the child i still would not recommend staying together just because you have a child. You can still maintain a healthy relationship with both parents, even after divorce. This is better for the child in the long rong so they do not have to endure fighting and yelling. But this only worlks for mature adults who have their childs best interest at heart. but your friend should leave this man immedietly.
2007-06-26 07:09:06 · answer #3 · answered by Landis 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well for her personal well being yes.. Everyone deserves to be happy and to feel good about themselves.. and no one has the right to take that away from you.. I think if she wants her son to live in a healthy invorment then yes definatly end this relationship with her husband.. either get him to go to marrige counceling or couples councelling or divorce him.. because though she may not see it her son is picking up this behaivor.. he is learing how women should be treated by the way his step dad treats his mother.. ANd his mother will see it in her son.. when he gets older.. and will regret the fact that she didnt leave down the road.. and plus.. she may also not feel good about her self and may even become depressed. She should worry about her own personal well being and her sons.. for now you could tell that your there for her and you will always be there if she needs a place to stay till she gets back on track.. and that she deserves better.. that would be the right thing to do! cause it will back fire on her if she stays.. trust me.. i see it everyday!
2007-06-26 07:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is NEVER a good reason to stay in an abusive relationship.
It is NOT healthy for her son to be in an abusive home, no matter what.
Her son will grow up thinking that kind of behavior is normal and could repeat this behavior.
Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.
2007-06-26 07:05:20 · answer #5 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell her to leave the relationship because it is doing more harm to the child then herself if she stays for the welfare for only the child. I mean if her son witnesses her being abused like this then he will see that it is okay for a woman to be treated the way she is. So, no tell her to leave the relationship and that she deserves better for herself and her 10 year old son.
2007-06-26 07:06:50 · answer #6 · answered by JustMe♥. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no she shouldnt stay with him. this may be something her son is benefiting from at the moment but eventually her son will see enough and enough of this until he grows up to treat his girlfriends the same way and he might even evenutally start doing the same to her following in his fathers footsteps. This is just the begining of a horrible relationship because eventually this will turn into physical abuse and her son will have to see that as well. so if she wants her son to grow up with his mother she should get out now before it is too late
2007-06-26 07:09:38 · answer #7 · answered by feb29 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to make a plan to leave one day. There is no way that the mental abuse her husband is giving her will not affect her son. She needs to figure out a way to save money somehow in an account that's in her name only and secure a place to go when the time is right. Chances are, her husband won't change his behavior.
2007-06-26 07:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
get out before it gets worst, and she should take her son with her, because if she stay in this relationship for her sons sake then basically the relationship is based on a lie because she dont love him, she should move on and find a man that would do her right, and make the sons father pay child support
2007-06-26 07:46:28 · answer #9 · answered by Mesha 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO, definately not--- you should never stay in a relationship for the children... that is an old wives tale.... As long as the parent is happy the child will adjust and be happy too. It is not good for the child to see his mother being abused either, he will grow up thinking that it is ok and normal to abuse women emotionally and or physically. Children adjust fast just like their bones heal fast.
2007-06-26 07:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by Karlee bug 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋