Should i go after babys dad for child support?

Question

we were togheter 2 years. as soon as i told him im pregnant he told me to get an abortion. i have not been able to get ahold of him since. i am wondering if i should even go after him for chlid supoprt or if it would be better to just let him go so i dnot have to deal with him possibly stirring up problmes or going after custody. any ideas?

Answer 1

Child support, but don't try and milk the guy for all he's worth. leave him something to live on.

Answer 2

Let's analyse the morality of the situation with respect to the current state of affairs in the United States(I don't know if you live there or not).


I'm going to quote you something posted by a different user for a different question but that I feel is partially related to this question.

"I am very prochoice...and not just for women.

The arguments of "well he should have thought about that before he had sex with her" is analogous to "well she should have known she might get pregnant before she had sex" and I've seen BOTH prochoice and prolife say "you play, you pay."
Either parenthood is a choice or it isn't.

In my view, men should have the right to opt out of parental responsibilities and rights within the same amount of time the woman has to abort (that varies from state to state). Now, the argument is that it is in the best interest of the child to have a father writing child support checks, even though he may have little to nothing to do with the actual raising of the child. I find this problematic. How many kids are learning that good parental interaction is one making sure the other one pays on time? Whats more, how many men out there have been "oops" into child support.

I find the whole thing rife with problems. In a perfect world, there would be foolproof contraception and none of this would be an issue. Of course, that isn't the case. The arguments of "he should have used a condom" doesn't play, either. Condoms are a barrier method, and barrier methods are notorious for springing leaks or just outright breaking. Yes, using condoms reduces the risks, but in a couple that is sexually active and the woman swears she is on the pill, men are likely going to believe her, even if she is lying.

When it comes to deciding the outcome of the pregnancy, only the woman has a say, as it should be. The man, if she tells him, can try and sway her to abort or not abort, but she makes the final decision. He should have a right to decide his role beyond the pregnancy. Parenthood should be a choice, not a punishment...for both sexes."






Now, may I ask your opinion on abortion.
That is to say, if you did not want the child or were not ready for the child or were not financially suited to having a child, would you have considered abortion.
The father wanted abortion but it wasn't his choice.
He told you this early in the pregnancy.
You chose to have the child anyway.

Either way, the law will permit you to get child support but perhaps you would like to consider the ethics of the situation.
Are you capable of supporting the child financially without the fathers help without living in poverty?
Would the child support assist your life or merely punish him?

In the end, it is your choice. The courts will support you. The father never had any choice nor any rights from the moment of conception. The choice is yours.

Answer 3

Remember the baby in this. He may be a jerk, but your child deserves the chance to learn this on their own as long as it does not turn into a bad situation for your child, and at that point the courts will help you. The courts always want to keep primary custody with the mother unless there is a good reason not to. Money is not a reason to switch custody in the courts eyes.
Unfortunately, the more important thing is that your child grows up knowing who their father is and is able to form their own opinion. Your struggles with the dad should be between the two of you, but its unfair to your child to take the choice to know their father away because you dont want to deal with the jerk.

Answer 4

Just because he wanted an abortion then doesn't mean he won't want the visits with the child somewhere down the road. You were with the guy for 2 years. You know what he's like and what he's capable of. Do you trust him with your child? If you feel that he will "stir up problems" for you and your child, and you DON'T want him to have the right to take your child for visits and stuff, then don't do it. Child support is not just about "getting paid." Think about it long and hard, and do what you feel is in the best interest of your child.

Answer 5

I say yes, because he has a financial obligation to the child that you created together. Even if you don't need the money at this moment in time, you can use it to save for your child's college education. I am going threw it right now with my children's father and it is not easy because he is trying to convince me to drop the case against him. I myself need the money because I am struggling to make ends meet every month. My thinking on this is, I didn't make my twins all by myself he has a part in it. I didn't get to walk away and he shouldn't get to either. If you don't want him to have custody, amend the child support order stating why you don't want him to have custody. Just tell the truth about it and the judge will take that in to account.

Answer 6

You should go after him and get that money. It's not fair to you that you have to raise the child by yourself when he made the child too. Do not be afraid of this clown. If he wants to stir up problems, you need to come back at him full force. If he even mentions custody - he won't get it because he abandon the two of you and after two years of no contact it automatically gives you custody, he will have no chance. Are you looking for him and can't find him? You can go online, do a search.if you need more info I will try to help you.

Answer 7

Go after him for child support - I wouldn't worry about him getting custody, if he told you to get an abortion and took off; he doesn't have much of a case in court I would imagine. I'm sorry after being together two years he doesn't have the decency to be a man and take care of his child - get his name on the list of men who aren't paying child support, he needs to take financial responsibility for his child if nothing else; it shouldn't fall all on you - you'll be there for that baby emotionally and physically and that is challenging enough, you don't need to be stressing over finances for your baby. Good luck.

Answer 8

Those have been my same thoughts. I know he should pay, especially if he does come visit, but I'd rather not go through all the court drama and the possibility of him getting joint custody or visitation having her on his own. So far I have avoided it, but that leaves me raising her on my own financially, even though he knows I need the help. It's really a personal choice. Even though most people will tell you to go for support.

Answer 9

He can always come back and ask for custody, there will always be problems with this. That is what happens when you have sex with a man you are not married to and it results in pregnancy. You should get the child support because it's for your child. Then if the custody thing pops up you will need to find an attorney.

Answer 10

I guess that depends on the guy and your relationship with him because remember if he has to pay child support he also gets visitation rights. My sister decided against going after her son's father for child support because she did not want him to have visitations rights because he was irresponsible and who knows what kind of environment that child would have been in when staying with that man. Sometimes child support is not such a good thing.

Answer 11

I will get thumbs down for this but..................

If you can support the child on your own your better off..... If he honestly doesn't want to pay he will quit his job and work under the table. You will have to go to court, and keep after him to get nothing or VERY LITTLE. I wouldn't feel it was worth it.

Yes he should be man enough to help raise the child but it doesn't seem he is. However if you are on welfare or plan to sign up for it, they will force you to go after him if you admit you know who the father is.

My Ex doesn't pay.... doesn't work, and i have never went after him for support. If your not asking the state to support you they wont care if he pays you anything or not. sometimes its more of a headache then its worth.

I have a friend that has 3 kids, the guy works less then par time. She gets 45.00 a month when he chooses to work. He will work a few months then quit his job and disappear and they have to find him before they can drag him to court.