Why would someone want you to make all the plans in a friendship?

Question

Lately, I've been trying to do my part in making plans with a new friend. We've only gone out and done something together once (which I initiated) but we had classes together for a long time and now talk daily.

The problem is that my friend would like to do stuff together, but she won't make the plans. When I talked to her about it, she said doesn't have a preference for what we do and is open to doing almost anything, so she rather defer to me making all the plans and she'll go along with whatever I pick.

Is this a bad sign?

Have you ever been, or know someone who has been, in this position? How did it work out in the long-run? Did one or both people end up resentful?

Also, is this kind of behavior on my friend's part indicative of indifference about spending time together...or could it be that she is so willing to see me that she's up for anything?

And why would someone want YOU to make all the plans?

Please share your own experiences/insights.

Answer 1

I have the same problem, everyone wants ME to make the plans. It doesn't matter what night it is, no one cares what we do, and they leave it up to me to decide.

This is extremely frustrating because I can't tell you how many times I tell people "I'm sick of choosing, you pick". And sometimes, you want to sit back and relax and just do something that your friends choose, but chances are, if you leave it up to your friends, you won't be doing anything - so you're forced to choose.

Also, if you happen to pick something to do, and your friends don't like it - they can get upset. This is probably the biggest drawback. Or if something happens, tickets were sold out for the movie that you planned all of your friends would attend - your friends usually blame you. This is actually a good test - if you your friends really get mad at you for something you chose to do, you can really evaulate their friendship.

But think of the positives! At least you get to do what you want to do each and every time!! :D

Good luck with this!

Answer 2

She probably really admires your good ideas for things to do. I had a friend like you in NYC and she always knew great things to do. I couldn't compete, so I also just followed along. Now I wonder if it got on her nerves.

Be glad you're a fun person and accept that you're an initiator. Some of us blah people are too shy or undeveloped to be fun like you.

I don't think it's a Problem unless she'll never say what any of her preferences are. Then she may have been raised by domineering parents and maybe even got slapped for speaking up, or learned that it didn't matter to them anyway what she wanted.
So if you enjoy your friend, throw her some curve balls and help set her free.

Answer 3

This is a new relationship and maybe she is just beginning to learn what you like to do. I am very much like that with my friends. I am a very easy going person and can have fun in just about any situation. They are a little more picky. Usually I will call and ask if they want to do something, but generally I let them choose what it will be. I am easy going and our friend's husband is easy going. My husband is very picky and our friend is very picky and also a vegetarian. They usually voice where they are willing to go and we choose from there. We are currently trying to plan a long weekend to the beach and I am pretty much researching all the details. We FINALLY decided on a date, now we have to agree on a condo. It's about to the point where hubby said just book something if they go they go if not we will have the place to ourselves. We tried this last year and they backed out on us at the last minute.

Answer 4

My daughter would love a friend like that because she has her life planned months ahead of time. I asked her if her friends always go along with her when they are on vacation. She always researches things so I guess her friends know that she knows what she's doing. Her husband said he never had a plan until they married, and now his life is all planned out for him. ha Take this as a compliment and do what you would do if you were alone.

Answer 5

It seems she's comfortable going along for the ride. Maybe she needs to be jolted with the toughlove approach. Tell her you want a more equal relationship and you won't do anything with her until she picks the next event. You feel as if she;s riding along on your coat tails and are afraid you will be resentful for it in the future. Plus, you would like to see the types of things she likes to do.

Answer 6

Been on both sides of that. I've had friends who wanted me to make the plans and I've wanted others to do the same. From my perspective, it was because we simply wanted to do something together and it didn't much matter what it was - we had the same likes and dislikes to a large extent. But, if if one of us was too uninterested, we would make alternate suggestions.

Answer 7

No it is not a bad sing but there are people who go along with the plans of theirs friends and believe them to make the trip happy.

Answer 8

A relationship should be based on both people. A relationship with one person making all the plans is a controling one, and that is not a good relationship...

Answer 9

I have personally been in this situation before. From my experience, its just that she looks up to you and trusts you and knows that the two of you will have a great time regardless of what you do. It could also be that she does not know of alot of things to do in the area, and perhaps you do. I know it can sometimes be frustrating, but I learned to take it as a compliment.

Answer 10

All the time. I am tired of being the "planner".It is tempting to say something boring to do but then I would suffer- I think they are just lazy or not that interested or afraid what they might suggest would go over like a lead balloon. ( and it usually does).